Have you ever been hurt by someone? (Insert sarcasm.) Of course, YOU HAVE! From the time we were young, we were getting hurt by people. Friends, family, peers on the playground, there are an endless amount of opportunities to get hurt in this life. I have some of the most amazing friends and family a girl could ask for, but that doesn’t mean my relationships come with no cost. There are so many opportunities for misunderstandings…

Do you ever feel like you are being taken advantage of? Whether it be family, friends, or coworkers it is easy to feel like people are taking more than they should from us. This week I share the solution to never be taken advantage of again! Want to know it for yourself. Here it is…

In honor of Carter and I celebrating our thirteenth wedding anniversary, I decided to write about love. What is love? Here is a bit of what love is to me. “Love is surprisingly exciting and exceptionally mundane. It is found in traveling around the world together, but also sitting on the couch…” What is love to you?

(I was given the opportunity to be a guest on the "Inside Out" podcast. Check out the link at the end of this article.)

I made a choice long ago to be a person who loves. Over the years, I have slowly grown my capacity to love much like exercising a muscle to gain strength. Loving big is without a doubt the best thing I have ever done in my life.

But let me let you in on something I have learned…

Love sucks.

I used to think people were pretty simple. I thought we all wanted to get along and be happy, but sometimes life simply got in the way. As I have gotten older, I realize that may be true for me, but it certainly isn’t true for everyone.

Not everyone feels the need to live peacefully.

I am now convinced, some people actually enjoy creating chaos particularly during times they feel chaos inside of themselves.

Some people crave the tension.

They relish the push back.

They enjoy the storm.

Living an honest, genuine life comes at a cost and I have found not everyone is willing to pay the price.

It can feel so natural to tell a simple lie to avoid difficulty or awkwardness in our life. There are many reasons we choose to lie, here are six that I have come across …

When I was younger, I thought every relationship was created equal. Of course, as I got older, I realized not every relationship I had was a place for me to be loved, accepted, and appreciated.

For years of my life, I tried to keep track of who I could trust and who I couldn’t. If I found out you did or said something disrespectful about me, I pushed you away. If I believed I could trust you, I brought you close.

It was a constant game of trying to figure out who could be trusted. It was exhausting and left me a bit paranoid that no one could be.

I used to often feel betrayed. I was constantly surprised by the fact that people were not returning the love and effort I was giving them. It made me feel confused, angry, and resentful.

Let me explain to you something I have learned through the years…

Growing up, I heard the term “unconditional love” a lot. Honestly, I had the mindset that unconditional love was everywhere. I thought every friend and family member I had would love me, value me, and honor me without condition.

Of course, it didn’t take me long to learn the harsh reality that unconditional love wasn’t as common as I thought. In reality, there are a whole lot of conditions to the relationships we live, some spoken and some unspoken…

Do you feel alone? It is so easy to feel alone in this world. We can be in the middle of a crowded room, yet still feel alone. We may have hundreds or even thousands of “friends” and “followers”, yet feel completely isolated. We can talk with people, work with people, and live with people, yet no one knows what we are going through.

Why do so many people feel alone right now? Why do people feel so much anxiety, fear, and depression? Why are we so isolated? We have more ways to connect than ever before so how are we more disconnected than any other time in history?

I have had years of my life that I felt very isolated. There was so much going on within me that no one knew about...

I just finished reading a nationally circulated article that told me that “this is a time for rage”. It was speaking on some of the recent events of the political landscape and the current sexual investigations that are taking place.

I am no stranger to the current world we live in and it is no great surprise for me to see rage, but this was something new. This was the first time that I had actually seen a writer not just speak in a state of rage, but recommend it as the best option as we move through these difficult situations.

I could not believe it.

Really? That is the best that we have?

With all of the tools, emotions and communication styles we have access to we are going to select our rage?

There is nothing simple or easy about love. If you want to find love that lasts through the years, you will need to be ready to experience a lot of ups and downs.

I have been in a relationship with the same man for 17 years.

No breaks.

No separations.

Let me tell you some of the things that I have learned about love after being with the same man for over half of my life.

I have a lot of goals in this life. One of my goals is to die without bitterness. Maybe you think this is a silly goal, but as I have gotten older, it is becoming more and more apparent how difficult this is going to be. There are so many disappointing things that happen in this life…

In recent weeks, I have been obsessing over the experience of being offended. I’ve been studying it. Listening. Watching. Questioning.

Offense is beyond interesting.

Offense feels like passion.

It feels righteous.

It feels justified.

Being offended makes us feel powerful and productive. When we get offended, it feels very important. It almost feels as if we are getting something accomplished. Which is quite intriguing.

Offense happens when someone disrespects us, devalues us, or disagrees with us. We also take offense when someone does not respect our pain or validate a loss that we have experienced.

When we are offended we feel justified to say, feel, or do, whatever we want.

Free pass.

Have you ever done the right thing for the wrong reason?

I have.

Growing up, I was taught that my intentions were just as important, if not more, than my actions.  However, I did not fully embrace this teaching.

It was easy for me to convince people, including myself, that my motivations in life were pure. However, my intentions were often fueled by more than I was willing to admit.

Babe,

Here we are again. This is our 17th Valentine’s Day together and I would say we have the swing of it at this point.

I love that I know there is a 99% chance there are no surprises coming. (Although those two times you surprised me were pretty fun!)

I love that we both laughed this morning when I asked if you had a surprise get-a-way to the Bahamas planned for today. I love that I asked you if I should pick up my own chocolate covered strawberries or if you had it covered.

I love that at some point I know I will probably receive a card from you that looks like it was painted by Bob Ross and I will roll my eyes and laugh at your card picking skills. I love that I won’t be surprised by anything you say in the card because I know exactly how you feel about me...

I used to be a person of very conditional love. It was common for me to lower people’s value based on my perception of them and their choices. 

Which is quite interesting considering I have spent my entire life dedicated to a faith based on love.

For the past decade, I have been growing my capacity to love and I am quite pleased to say that I am now able to offer love to even the most frustrating of persons.

My ultimate goal?

Unconditional love.  

I have been through a lot with people through the years and I get it.

People suck...

Hopes. Dreams. Expectations. Plans. Goals. Desires.

They are all wonderfully beautiful things... until they aren’t.

There is an art to having expectations. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Right where they push you forward, but don’t hold you back.

I have always been a very positive person and I have never been short on hopes for my future. These hopes turned into plans and then I would then execute those plans. As I did, I expected everything to go exactly according to my very sunny expectations.

Expectations.

Such a simple word with a whole lot of implication.

I realized something interesting about my expectations… well… that they were ruining my life.

Many people do not realize that I am a recovering control freak who was born with a natural ability to manipulate people. From the time I was little, I can remember watching people, listening and learning how people reacted to certain things. From parents, to teachers, to friends, I liked to read people and once I did, I learned how to give them what they wanted for one primary reason... so that I could get what I wanted.

I have a handful of moments that have shaped me as a person. This being one. I sat on my couch feeling quite defenseless and humble. I will never forget the moment that I was sitting in front of her.

I knew what I had to do.

I had to ask for forgiveness.

Why?

Because I had betrayed her.