I used to think people were pretty simple. I thought we all wanted to get along and be happy, but sometimes life simply got in the way. As I have gotten older, I realize that may be true for me, but it certainly isn’t true for everyone.

Not everyone feels the need to live peacefully.

I am now convinced, some people actually enjoy creating chaos particularly during times they feel chaos inside of themselves.

Some people crave the tension.

They relish the push back.

They enjoy the storm.

Have you ever done the right thing for the wrong reason?

I have.

Growing up, I was taught that my intentions were just as important, if not more, than my actions.  However, I did not fully embrace this teaching.

It was easy for me to convince people, including myself, that my motivations in life were pure. However, my intentions were often fueled by more than I was willing to admit.

I have been working on my ability to be a bully. I know what you are thinking, “Haley, it is not good to be a bully.” And for the most part, I agree with you.

I don’t believe in bullying people. Ever. I don’t believe in demeaning people and I believe that all people deserve to be valued.

However, this is an exception to that rule. In my opinion, this guy is the biggest bully I know and he deserves to be bullied in return.

In fact, he has probably tried to bully you too.

Do you know him?

In my life, I was the person with the answers not the person with the problems. Don’t get me wrong, of course, I had problems, BUT I chose to avoid them if at all possible.

I hated moments of conflict, failure, and misunderstandings because those experiences had a way of highlighting my need for growth.I trained in Jedi maneuvers to ensure that nothing ever came back and pinpointed to my brokenness. I was a master at making sure that you or they were always pinned with the “issues”.

I used to be a person of very conditional love. It was common for me to lower people’s value based on my perception of them and their choices. 

Which is quite interesting considering I have spent my entire life dedicated to a faith based on love.

For the past decade, I have been growing my capacity to love and I am quite pleased to say that I am now able to offer love to even the most frustrating of persons.

My ultimate goal?

Unconditional love.  

I have been through a lot with people through the years and I get it.

People suck...

Dear 2016,

You were rough.

There is no way I could have predicted everything that you brought to my life. I’m not going to lie, you kind of exhausted me. In many ways I feel like you were a year filled with the time of ten years. I can hardly believe everything that I experienced in your mere twelve months of time.

You are a year that tested me in a unique way...