Embracing My Brokenness

In my life, I was the person with the answers not the person with the problems. Don’t get me wrong, of course, I had problems, BUT I chose to avoid them if at all possible.

I hated moments of conflict, failure, and misunderstandings because those experiences had a way of highlighting my need for growth.

I trained in Jedi maneuvers to ensure that nothing ever came back and pinpointed to my brokenness. I was a master at making sure that you or they were always pinned with the “issues”.

Not me. I knew too much. I was too advanced for issues. Issues were for common folk.

The girl with the answers can’t be broken.

Right?

Except I was.

I was broken, but I didn’t know how to be.

Does that even make sense?? I don’t care if it does or not. That’s how I lived.

I wanted to be perfect.

It wasn’t about being better than you. It wasn’t about you at all. I didn’t want you to fail, but I would rather you fail than me. Not because I didn’t love you, but because so much of my life was centered on avoiding my need for improvement.

I did not know how to accept the things within myself that were not beautiful. I hated my jealousy. I avoided my insecurity. I resented my anxiety.

I did not enjoy feeling weak and to me, my brokenness made me feel very weak.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I acted like my brokenness didn’t exist. I created a LaLa Land that said that no matter what I felt I would just be *strong*.

Don’t be a broken person. Ever.

Somewhere along the way, I felt it was part of my identity to not be broken.

I see now that this was a major problem.  I was missing the point the whole time. Ignoring my brokenness was keeping me stuck. 

My brokenness is just as much a part of me as my strengths. My brokenness is part of my story.  It deserves to be understood.

All the time I prided myself in not needing to change, I was really robbing myself from my potential.

It has been the process of embracing my brokenness that has taught me my strength. I have faced who I am. The good. The bad. The ugly.

I finally know myself. 

I know that I am beautiful... a beautiful work in progress. 

So much better to be a work in progress than the girl who isn’t making any progress at all. 

Finding freedom in facing my brokenness. Do you want to join me?  CLICK HERE!!! 

Ruining My Life... One Expectation at a Time

Hopes. Dreams. Expectations. Plans. Goals. Desires.

They are all wonderfully beautiful things... until they aren’t.

There is an art to having expectations. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Right where they push you forward, but don’t hold you back.

I have always been a very positive person and I have never been short on hopes for my future. These hopes turned into plans and then I would then execute those plans. As I did, I expected everything to go exactly according to my very sunny expectations.

Expectations.

Such a simple word with a whole lot of implication.

I realized something interesting about my expectations… well… that they were ruining my life.

I guess to be fair it wasn’t actually my expectations that were stealing from me, it was my inability to let go of them. I mean seriously, I would clinch those things in my hands until there was no life left in them at all.  I didn’t want to let go.

I would hold on to them like some crazy lunatic who just could not get the message that things were not going to play out like she thought.

My expectations have affected every part of my life, but have probably affected my relationship with Carter the most. They almost functioned as a third person in our relationship. 

I let my expectations call the shots far too often. I would ruin an entire experience because it went differently than I expected it to. It was so stinkin’ silly.

When things didn’t fall in line, I was not ok with it. I felt entitled to my expectations. I felt as if I was owed them. I wanted things to go perfectly, but when they didn’t, I couldn’t find a new “perfect”. I would waste so much time thinking about what “should have been”.

I was missing out on so many things because they were turning out different than I expected.

We should expect wonderful things in this life; however, we should not stop moving forward when things happen that are not expected. It isn’t easy, that’s for sure. But I want to be very clear about something that I discovered along the way.

My life was not the problem.

My husband was not the problem.

My problem was my inability to understand that this life is not lived out according to a pre-written script.

This life is organic and alive. This life is full of twists and turns more beautiful and gut-wrenching than anything that we can possibly imagine.

It is not so much our plans that will indicate what kind of life we have, but the ability to adapt to the change of plans that will define our life.

My sweet friends, aim yourself to the moon, but when you find your experiences falling short of what you hoped, don’t forget to enjoy the stars.

(Yes, that just happened. I referenced the "shoot for the moon" saying. Classic.)

Much love and many blessings, Haley

Would you like to receive inspiring articles about relationships and life challenges straight to your e-mail?  CLICK HERE!!! 

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

Comment below!

Dear 2016, You Were Rough.

Dear 2016, you were rough.

There is no way I could have predicted everything that you brought to my life. I’m not going to lie, you kind of exhausted me. In many ways I feel like you were a year filled with the time of ten years. I can hardly believe everything that I experienced in your mere twelve months of time.

You are a year that tested me in a unique way. You were filled with both exquisite gain and surprising loss. You brought with you moments of abundant laughter and deep sorrow. You brought many challenges that I didn’t expect. I didn’t enjoy those, but of course, it is in our most challenging days that we are given the greatest opportunity to learn and to grow.

I owe you a debt of gratitude. For who I am today is not who I was before you came to me.

You took a great deal from me, but you also gave me some things of immeasurable value. You have given me a new appreciation for my life and those whom I love. Actually, you have given me a great appreciation for everything in my life.

You reminded me just how silly it is to be attached to “things” and how vital it is to value the people I have in my life.

I have learned in the deepest part of me to stop waiting for tomorrow to live.

You offered me many moments to show people grace, forgiveness and love.  

You brought with you opportunities to be blessed in ways that I never expected to need a blessing.

You have taught me that even with the hardest work and effort, things sometimes just don’t work out.

You once again reminded me that life is not fair, and it is silly to focus on what is “fair” anyways.

You have shown me that joy truly does come in the morning; however, you also reminded me that the night can be long and very dark.

You gave me many opportunities to choose things that I didn’t feel but I believe to be true. You gave me opportunity to choose faith over doubt, hope over despair, and love over hate.

When I think back on you, I will look back at you with appreciation. You will always be a defining year of my life. You gave me many opportunities to determine who I really want to be in my life.

I am proud of the steps I have taken. I have walked many new places and tried many new things. I took risks. I didn’t “play it safe”. You gave me those chances, thank-you.

At times, I was not sure if you were my enemy or my friend, but you gave me the opportunity to live. Can I ever repay you for that?

So, 2016, I thank you. I am thankful for you, but it is time for you to go. It is now time to look forward to a new day.

Good-bye my friend,

Haley.

DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!