7 Things Holding Us Back in Life

What if there is more to my life than what I am living? With all of my heart, I want to live the life that I am supposed to live while I am on this earth, but what if I miss it? What if I get to the end of my life, look back and think,

“My God, what did I do?”

This thought haunts me at times, never enough to leave me paralyzed, but enough to keep me moving. I want this life to matter. I want my life to matter. I want to challenge myself. I want to challenge others to keep moving forward. This life does have a purpose and that purpose is unique for each of us. It is vital that we get our head in the game. We get no second chances. We only get today, we only get right now.

What is holding us back from living our fullest life?

Fear

Fear keeps us living in the future. Fear tells us that our present moment is for preparing for, or worrying about, our next one. We need to have a strong stance against our fear.

 Fear will keep us stuck in a future that often never comes.

Fear keeps us fixated on our nightmares titled “what-if”. Make no mistake about it, our fear will steal our lives from us if we let it.

To live in the most dreaded fantasies of our future is to forget to live our present moment and to forget to live our present moment is to not live at all…

Shame

  Fear keeps us stuck in the future, but our shame keeps us stuck in the past. We all have a relationship with shame, some more than others. Our shame keeps a close eye on us. It is always there to remind us that we have failed and that we most likely will again.

Our shame keeps us tiptoeing through life and intimidated to live free.

We all have moments that we fail and then we all have those moments that we fear we may be a failure. During our moments of failing, we must hold fast to the belief that despite our falling short, we are not a failure. We must learn to offer ourselves grace.

Secrets

 Our secrets keep us isolated. No matter how many people we have living around us we will always be alone if we can’t find a way to live openly and honestly. Our secrets stay in the darkness whispering to us that we should always keep them protected.

Of course, we don’t want to tell the people that we love that we have ugly things within ourselves, but we must. It is imperative that we find a way to invite people into our darkness. Not everyone, but someone.

If we truly want to live free, we must find a way to live an honest life, no matter how much it scares us.

Lack of Self-Awareness

I am a full believer in self-evaluation. We need to understand ourselves. We need to understand our strengths, our weakness, and our brokenness. We need to own that we are made up of both beauty and ugly and that it is our job to sort through it all and own it all. It is our job to grow, it is our job to heal.

Blaming our life on our circumstances

This is perhaps one of the most common, yet most unacknowledged thing that is holding us back from our life. We believe that our problems in life are caused by our circumstances. We think that our work, our marriage, our friends, or our parents are the problem. NO. They are not our problem. Our circumstances are not the problem.

Our problem is that we do not know how to thrive through our difficulty.

We want someone to blame so that we don’t have to take responsibility. Even when life or people disappoint us, it is ultimately our responsibility to decide how it will affect our life moving forward.

Distractions

Wow. Right now in life, this is a big one. Our technology gives us an endless supply of distractions. In a life that seems to constantly be bustling around me, I often turn to my phone for an escape. I am fully aware that I have missed precious moments while I was looking for a distraction that never seems to satisfy.

We must seek to live present. Have time on social media, sure, but do so on purpose and not accidentally wasting large amounts of our lives in little chunks of time.

Seeking Validation

We are living in such an interesting time because we are constantly able to receive instant validation. Feeling down? Post a cute pic and instantly start receiving likes to remind yourself that you are awesome… or not.

At some point, we have to own our worth for ourselves. We cannot rely on other people, online or in real life, to give us our self-confidence.

If you want to live confident there are steps you will have to take and none of those steps involve someone else doing it for you.

There are many things that can keep us from living our best life, but my advice is to get real, live present, and push forward.

Don’t ever give up on the life that you want to live and the person that you want to be.

Besides, what else do you have to do?

CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

Look at Me Go!!!.. And Watch Me Fall.

I used to be so afraid of failing. So much so that it actually kept me from trying new things.

Not anymore.

I now realize that failure is nothing to fear. What we should really be afraid of is listening to our fears.

Our fears are merely failures that have never happened and often never do.

Why should I spend my life fearing all of my possible failures when I could live my life to the fullest and learn to manage the ones that actually occur?

My fear tries to tell me to stop moving forward and that the risk isn’t worth the reward.

That’s ridiculous.

I now understand that I shouldn’t be afraid of the fall, but I should be deathly afraid of standing still.

I actually have a few words for fear...

“Dear Fear, I won’t stay hidden.

I will no longer whisper because of you. You try to intimidate me from living, but I’m not a person who takes intimidation lightly. I’m not going to hold back one ounce of the life within me.

I have things to say. I have things to do.

I have given you power in the past, but you will never control me again. I am here to be seen. I am here to be heard.

I am not sure where I am headed, but I know I am moving forward. With each day, I find myself growing stronger. With each attack, I’m getting smarter. With each obstacle, I’m gaining wisdom. Every single thing in my life that has come to tear me down has made me stronger. The obstacles I once feared are now on my list of gratitude.

You try to sell quitting as if it will make me free. Quitting will not make me free, it will keep me stuck.

I am no longer afraid of what lies ahead, but of not finding out. I am no longer afraid of you. I am only afraid of what my life will be if I listen to you.

Of course, I still hear you try to intimidate me, telling me that I don’t have it in me, telling me to simply quit now before I fail, taunting me that doomsday is right around the corner.

All of this time, you seemed so real and scary. You talked as if you knew the future and you were only preparing me for the doomsday to come. But now I get it. You are actually afraid of me. You are afraid of what I may become. And you should be.”

-Haley

Hear me now, anyone in the world who may be reading this, keep an eye on me.

Because I am blazing forward and if there is anything I have learned about me trying to run forward it is that I am inevitably going to fall flat on my face.

So if you are someone who likes to watch a good fall, keep a close watch on me.

Because I can guarantee you this, I am moving forward.

I will fail.

I will fall.

And then I will get myself up, brush myself off and blaze forward again.

All the while yelling, “Look at me go!”

DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

Learning to Be a Bully

I have been working on my ability to be a bully. I know what you are thinking, “Haley, it is not good to be a bully.” And for the most part, I agree with you.

I don’t believe in bullying people. Ever. I don’t believe in demeaning people and I believe that all people deserve to be valued.

However, this is an exception to that rule. In my opinion, this guy is the biggest bully I know and he deserves to be bullied in return.

In fact, he has probably tried to bully you too.

Do you know him?

His name is Fear.

To be honest, we weren’t always enemies. There was a time in my life that I actually thought we were friends. I trusted him to help guide me in my life. He would tell me what I should and shouldn’t do and I would obey. 

I thought he was protecting me.

I thought he was watching out for me and my best interest. I heard his concerns and I obeyed his commands. He ruled me.

Fear was the god of my life that I never realized I had.

I thought we were partners making decisions together until I recognized that I was never allowed to disagree with him. It was always his way or the highway.

The partnership I thought we had was actually a dictatorship.

He controlled me and he began to turn me into someone I never wanted to be. My life began to feel like it was slipping from my fingers. I was losing myself.

I had to take a stand.

So I did.

I put him in his place and told him how I felt. I wasn’t going to take his crap anymore. When I started walking away, he got mean. He began to taunt me and tell me that I wouldn’t make it without him.

He began to bully me.

How could I have ever thought this jerk was my friend?

He was not my friend.

As I continued to defy him, I was able to see his true intentions. All this time, I thought he was holding me back from death and he was actually holding me back from life.

His intentions were to take everything from me without me even knowing he had.

I was done with his manipulation. However, it wasn’t that simple. I was unable to get his voice completely out of my life, so I had to learn how to make choices for my life without considering his input.

To this day, when he tries to invite himself back into my life, I put him right back where he belongs.

In the corner. Out of my way.

We have a mutual understanding. He taunts me and I taunt him right back. He belittles me and I belittle him. We bully one another, yet I have learned that I hold all of the cards.

Every time he attempts to interfere with my plans, I look him in the eye and remind him that he resides in the corner of my life.

He is allowed to talk, but only because I haven’t quite figured out how to muzzle him yet.

To tell you the truth, I don’t even mind him in the corner so much. I like to look him in the face, tell him what I am going to do and then make him watch.

Fear is no longer my dictator, but he is merely a spectator to all of my awesomeness.

Finding freedom in facing my brokenness. Want to join? Sign-up through email! CLICK HERE!!! 

Learning to Fail

Recently, I was talking to Carter and was anxiously telling him about a failure. You know those moments that you are face to face with the inevitable fact that you have failed something or someone?

Ugh! I HATE those moments.

I do.

I was worked up and nervously talking away. When all of the sudden Carter stopped me, put his arms around me, looked me in the eyes and said two amazingly perfect words.

“Be Free.”

He continued to tell me that it was fine, that I was fine and that I had to learn to let these things go.

It was fine.

I was fine.

For the past decade of my life, I have been trying to learn how to fail and after ten plus years, I still don’t know exactly how to do it. Of course, I can fail. Failing is inevitable, but I am still learning how to fail well.

How can I still be here after so many years of believing in grace?

How is it possible that I am still so affected by my failure? Why are my limitations, mistakes, and misunderstandings so scary to me? I have come so far, but I still have a long ways to go.

In the past, when I have failed, I felt the need to cover up my failure and hide my mistakes. At the same time, I would defend my value as if it was something that needed defending. 

During my failure, there was always a little voice taunting me... What if my fears are true? What if my fail is a sign that I not only failed, but I am a failure?? But worse, what if I am a failure who is destined to fail forever?

What if I not only got it wrong but what if I am wrong?  What if I don't just make mistakes. What if I am the mistake? 

(insert tear.)

Several years ago, I became quite aware that my fear of failure could have the potential to steal my entire life from me. I rallied myself, gathered some peeps around me to help me stay on track, and I went forth into the world determined not to let my fear of failure steal from my life. 

I really don't enjoy failure. I am more of an enjoyer of success. Success is fun, but I don’t believe that we learn jack squat during our successes. Now our failures are a different story... our failures are full of opportunities.

Our failures show us our fears.

Our failures show us our weaknesses.

Our failures give us an opportunity to experience grace.

Do not get me wrong, I still do not enjoy failing, but I have learned to value the process. Learning to fail has taught me a lot about who I am and the fears that are within me. I have and will continue to fail. And that's ok.

We must embrace the role that failure will play in our lives.

Our goal should not be to not fail.

Our goal should be to learn how.

My fails still bother me at times, but no matter how hard I fall on my face I choose to be kind to myself. I evaluate my intentions and determine if they need any correction. If they do, I own it. When I struggle to have grace for myself, I ask someone to help me move forward without shame.

Perhaps the greatest change I have made is that I no longer act like it isn't happening. I face it so that I can learn from it. I choose to grow instead of choosing to remain the same. I own my issues. I own my mistakes. 

I own my failure.

I choose to heal and move forward fully knowing that I will fail again, but no longer allowing it to keep me from living the life I was meant to live.

Finding freedom in facing my brokenness. Do you want to join me?  CLICK HERE!!! 

The Reason I No Longer Value My Fear

I experienced a lot of fear during the first couple years of my marriage. Getting married made me think of the future ahead and I found myself overwhelmed with all the unknowns that life could bring.

It felt like my responsibility to think of all the possibilities and prepare for them.

Honestly, at first, my fear seemed like a good thing. It felt like my friend. My fear told me to be smart and get prepared for the inevitable doom ahead. It seemed to be protecting me from the bad things to come, but it all became too much, I started to become lost in it.

One night, I had a nightmare that I was going to die the next day, I spent the evening planning my funeral. The following day came and I wasn’t dead, but I knew I was going to die, so I decided to go ahead and have my funeral. I laid in my coffin as people came and I said goodbye to everyone I loved. I will never forget how heavy this dream was. I was absolutely filled with despair. My grief had gripped me.

When I first woke up, I was convinced it was a “sign” that I was going to die soon and I needed to start saying my goodbyes. After processing my dream I had a revelation…

I never died.

I spent the entire dream planning my death, but I never actually died.

*Epiphany*

This was happening in my actual life.

I was worrying, planning and fearing things that were not actually happening. I was losing out on my life while I was imagining my fears. This moment forever changed the way I view my fear. Suddenly, it all seemed clear...

Fear is not my friend.

Fear is not my guide.

Fear is not my protector.

I do not want my fear.

I will not allow fear to rule me.

I will not allow fear to be my god.

I will not baby my fear.

I will not value my fear.

I realize that it is impossible to just stop feeling fear. I know it is so much more complicated than that. But I believe it is vitally important to define our relationship with it. Fear does not protect us, fear steals from us, yet somehow many of us still see it as our friend. Fear is not our friend.

Fear is the thief in our life that keeps us worrying about the “what-if’s” and steals from the “right now’s”.

The “what-if’s” in this life are limitless. If we entertain them, we will have no shortage of horrible things to imagine. When we give respect to our fears, we just get more fear. Fear breeds fear. It will confuse us and eventually consume us.

To say that fear doesn’t affect me anymore would be untrue. Fear still seeks me out, but I no longer respect it. I see fear as the bully it is, always trying to intimidate me from living. Fear wants me to live my life from my coffin. But you know what? I refuse to be taunted out of living this life. I absolutely will not lay in that coffin, until I am forced to.

Do I expect my life to bring me difficulties? Absolutely! When those difficulties come, I will face them… and I will get through them.

I am not suggesting that we live in a fantasy world where no bad things exist, I’m stating that our fear is creating a fantasy land of its own.

We shouldn’t deny the struggle of our reality, we should face the reality in which we live, without adding more difficulty than is actually there.

Our fears are not our reality.

We must stop viewing them as definite predictions of our future and start viewing them for the scare tactic that they are.

Instead of relying on our fears, let’s rely on our hope. The hope that great things are ahead and the hope that we are strong enough to get through the “not so great” things.

Our fears will keep us from loving fully and our fears will keep us from living fully.

if there is one thing that is worth facing my fears for, it is the reward of getting to live and love to my fullest potential.