Is This a Time for Rage?

I just finished reading a nationally circulated article that told me that “this is a time for rage”. It was speaking on some of the recent events of the political landscape and the current sexual investigations that are taking place.

I am no stranger to the current world we live in and it is no great surprise for me to see rage, but this was something new. This was the first time that I had actually seen a writer not just speak in a state of rage, but recommend it as the best option as we move through these difficult situations.

I could not believe it.

Really? That is the best that we have?

With all of the tools, emotions and communication styles we have access to we are going to select our rage?

Is that what people really think?

That rage is going to get us through?

Rage is our savior?

Not for me.

I don’t have faith in my rage.

Rage is an emotion, it is not a solution.

When we feel enraged, we feel like we have a purpose. We see the path ahead and we have no doubt that we can conquer it. It makes us feel brave and important.

Our rage makes us feel powerful.

Our rage is an understandable emotion that arises as we journey through some of these difficult experiences, it makes us feel like we are seeing crystal clear, but it actually blinds us. We are unable to see anything else but our emotion and our perception. When we feel rage we are often incapable of listening well and uninterested in learning because we demand to be heard.

I do understand that rage can be quite productive. It can be a great influencer, communicator and motivator to get people in action, but let’s be clear, the action that rage will spark is not one that will bring beauty to this world.

While rage is easy to grow, it is not easily controlled and the more it spreads the harder it is to keep in check.

Rage is loyal to itself and not even the cause at hand.

Rage is not a superhuman power to get things done. It is an ineffective strategy for creating positive change.

We have leaders instructing their followers to take up anger as a tool to solve our problems.

Umm… no thanks.

Rage can ignite fiery passion and can cause intimidation, but is this really going to give us what we want? Is this going to create the environment that we want our children to grow up in?

If encouraged, our rage will produce hate, intolerance, and violence.

Rage has no peace to offer us.

Rage has no answers for us.

Rage is not the solution.

Being unable to control our temper is not our strength, this my friends is actually part of the problem. Rage may have to be a part of all of this, but to credit it as our strength would be a mistake.

Our bitterness, our rage, and our anger will never heal us or create peace in this world. The healing that we find after our rage will.

We will heal this problem by sharing and listening to the experiences that have occurred. We will heal as the stories of darkness get brought to the light. We will heal as people who have found healing share the way. We will heal in our understanding. We will heal as we connect and support one another. We will heal as we become equipped. We will heal as we forgive.

We will heal as we speak to our youth and educate them on these things that have gone unspoken in generations past.

We will heal as we teach people to do better.

We will begin to heal as we better understand the mindsets that have let these actions take place repeatedly while staying in the dark generationally.

We will not heal because of our rage. We will heal despite it.

We need to do better.

Not just with our sexual misbehaviors, but with our response to them as well. We must find a different way to navigate these difficult experiences.

Rage may be a step along the journey, but should not be the destination. Make no mistake about it, we want to keep moving forward.

We want a better world for every woman and every man. We want a better world for our children.

If we want better, then we all must do better.

Our culture needs an answer to this problem and I am sure that rage is not that answer.

No matter how we feel, our rage is not actually effective for us to get what we want.

DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

Letting Life’s Problems Change Me… For the Better

Recently, I was talking to a friend and mentioned to her that I am always looking to change. I hope to be a very different person in a year than I am today.

I said it without thinking a thing about it until she stopped me and asked,

“You want to change?”

Do you ever say things and not think about them until someone calls you out for saying it? I do all of the time. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I whole-heartedly believed and agreed with the statement I made.

I want to change.

 I want to constantly be growing, learning and becoming something more amazing than I was before.

This is a far cry from the way I used to live. Actually, it is a complete 180. I used to feel so attached to who I was. I didn’t want to change. In fact, the mere thought of it made me feel insecure. Heaven forbid, someone suggest it.

I was so utterly afraid of needing improvement that it kept me from growing.

This mindset kept me stuck. But not anymore.

I am now dedicated to learning who I am and facing it. Brokenness and all.

Everything in my life is now an opportunity for me to grow. I am learning to maneuver through my perceptions that have kept me from growing in the past

I now view conflict as an opportunity to learn about my brokenness instead of merely accusing the other person of being all of the problem.

I have learned to listen to the things that I say about other people when I am frustrated. I have realized that often times what comes out of my mouth says more about me than it says about them.

I no longer blame my unhappiness or frustrations on anyone else. I have chosen to take ownership and responsibility for my life.

I have embraced the very real fact that sometimes I am just flat wrong.

I give more grace, not just to others, but to myself.

 I allow my circumstances to grow me. I am embracing the true journey of this life. Not just a journey to my next achievement, but the journey of discovering who I am capable of being.

I am finding redemption.

I understand that I am beautiful, but I’ve got a lot of mess on top, around and within this beauty. I am dedicated to the process of unraveling, unveiling and redeeming this whole beautiful mess.

I want freedom and I don't want anything in this life to keep me from finding it.

Including myself.

LIKE what you read? Sign-up through email! CLICK HERE!!! 

If You Need to Judge Me Then Do What You Must

I hear the things that you have said and I understand that you would like me to be different. I hear you, but it seems that you are incapable of hearing me because you are too busy judging me.

If you need to judge me then do what you must. Not that long ago, I would’ve judged me too.

You don’t know what I’ve been through. You do not understand why I am who I am. You don’t know what my journey has cost me. You don’t know the tears that I’ve cried or the fears that I’ve fought. You don’t understand all the times that I have chosen to grow and I have chosen to learn.

I used to feel so afraid of you and your disapproval.

It used to take my breath away and choke me as if it could kill me. I used to do things for you… so that you would approve of me… so that you would love me.

And then I stopped.

I had to.

I realized that even with the best of trying I couldn’t make you happy. I couldn’t be everything you wanted me to be.

I had to stop running after you and the disappearing vapors of your approval because I realized in the chase for your endorsement I was losing myself.

I believe you want the best for me and you feel you know what that is. Thank you, but it seems that you are incapable of loving me without very specific requirements of who I must be. Thanks for the offer, but I am gonna have to say “no thanks”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying “no thanks” to you. I am saying “no thanks” to the burden of your expectations.

I would love for you to be a part of my journey, but I will not base my life choices on the critical words that I hear from you. I will not base my value on your sliding scale of interpretation.

I say that without hate or malice. I mean you no disrespect. I value you, but I can see clearly that you struggle to do the same for me.

So I release you.

I no longer need you to approve of me. I no longer need you to validate my worth.

Why?

Because I have found it for myself.

I know you feel it is your job to measure my performance and my worth, but I assure you, it is not. 

I release you from loving me in a way that you are unable to. I will no longer expect you to understand my heart.

I will no longer expect you to trust my intent.

 I will move forward with the understanding that at least for now, you are unable to love me without conditions. I will choose to love you right where you are despite your inability to do the same for me.

And that’s ok.

I have grace for you to be where you are. I give you grace not because of who you are, but because of who I am, because of the journey that I have taken…

the very journey that you fail to understand.

-Haley

Changing the world by changing myself. You ready for change?  CLICK HERE!!! 

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

Without Love...

Love is hard. 

Sure, there are times that love is easy.

Falling in love is easy. It is easy to love our children. And puppies. Puppies are easy to love. (If you aren't trying to train them! Haha.)

So, love isn't always hard. But, often times, it is. It can be hard to love our spouses, our friends, our families, our homes, our jobs... or our lives.

I have yet to meet a "lover" who has not also experienced the painful kiss of disappointment, betrayal, and heartache.

When we love, we will inevitably experience disappointment and feel pain. We can slowly determine that the cost of love is too high because it hurts so much. Through the many disappointments that we experience it is easy to choose to love less. 

Despite all of my experiences that have taught me that love is quite costly, I have determined that the cost of not loving is far greater.   

To lose my love is to lose my life.  

Love is hard, but we must continue to choose love no matter how difficult it may be. 

We can discover all of the mysteries on this earth, but if we don’t’ find love, we will still be lost.

We could find a family for every child in need of one, but if they are not shown love, there is no point.

We can possess all of the intellect of this world, but without love, it will lead us to isolation.

We can teach our children all of the lessons of life, but if they never learn that they are loved, then we have failed.

We could feed every starving person on this earth, but if they have not been treated with love, they will still be in need.

We can be on the “right” side of every argument, but if we can’t love the person on the other side, what does that say about us?

We can possess all of the power in the world, but without love, we cannot be trusted with it.

We can be married for the rest of our lives, but if it is void of love, it will be far from a fairy tale.

We can earn freedom for the entire world, but if there is no love, we will be enslaved by our hate.

We can have everything that money can buy, but without love, we will still be poor.

We can speak with beautifully eloquent words, but if they are not followed with love, our words will produce hate.

It is vital that we find a way to put love at the center of our cause, no matter what that may be.

Because without love my friends, we have nothing.

DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

The High Cost of Hope

Why couldn’t it just have gone as planned? It was all supposed to be so simple. So straightforward. I’m so disappointed that things haven’t gone as smooth as I hoped they would.

Why must it be so damn hard?

I don’t understand.

I weep today over the obstacles of life. I weep over the deep disappointment of the dream that is still a dream.

I am continually amazed at how much this life can hurt. The depth of disappointment that we can experience is surprisingly deep. Long roads that seem to have no end are beyond discouraging.

I am here. Broken.

I am here because I dreamed. I am here because I believed. I am here because I hoped.

What do I do now?

Do I run?

Do I hide?

Do I try to find a way to never be here again?

No.

I absolutely will not run from my heartache. I will not hide from my pain. I will stand here. I will be still. I will face it. I will challenge it.

I will soak in my pain, embrace my brokenness and I will do something that feels like a very stupid thing to do right now.

I will hope.

I will hope even though my hope has cost me in the past. I will hope even though I have no guarantees. I will hope because I refuse to be a person who lives without hope. I will hope because I believe in redemption. I will hope because I believe that hope is one of the most powerful forces in this world.

Hope is a rare commodity that many people come to believe is too costly to possess.

This world has a way of betraying us, but I will hope still. I will cry. I will scream. I will curse.

But I will stand.

And I will hope.

I don't think we will ever fully understand the role that disappointment has in our lives. The path we expected and the path that we have lived are far from the same. The amount of pain that this world brings to our doorstep can seem unfair. At times, it feels like we are being run over by our disappointment.

Disappointments are tough, but I will not allow my disappointment to control my future. I will march on, with more passion than ever and I will not fear the risk to hope.

Because to live a life without hope is to live no life at all.

Fear tells me that my hope is too costly to possess, but I will challenge my fears. I will have the final say.

Watch me.

Even when my outstanding dreams seem more than I can bear, I will press forward, forging a way to a new place. I will not look back. I will embrace where I am, but fully expect to be somewhere new soon.

I will stand here until my disappointment turns into one of the most precious commodities in the world.

I will stay in this place until my disappointment turns to hope.

And when I am once again armed with hope. I will be ready and expecting to bring change to this world. Because through the eyes of my hope, I can see not what is, but what could be.

 DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

Are We Handling the Internet or Is It Handling Us?

View fullsize

The internet has completely changed the world that we live in. It has given us a place that we can be completely free and unrestricted. It comes with unlimited choices and I wonder how we are handling this freedom. Can any of us possibly comprehend how the internet and social media are affecting our society?

I wonder if we realize a beautiful Instagram account, profile picture or blog post is not what makes our life beautiful. Have we become consumed with how our life appears and not so concerned with the reality of who we are? Perhaps we are measuring our self-worth by how many “likes” and “followers” we have. Could it be possible that we know how to present a perfect selfie, but don’t know how to love ourselves?

I wonder how many of us struggle with loving who we are without a filter.

I wonder how often we feel disappointed with our lives after seeing how great our “friends” have it. Do we feel that we don’t measure up to everyone else? How often do we feel like we are missing out? We are exposed to so much on social media, it is impossible not to have feelings about what we see. I wonder how many afternoons we have spent upset or mad because of something we have seen on our Facebook or Instagram. How much drama are we adding to our life by being so engaged online?

Social media is crazy because we can instantly share information with our closest friends and our most distant acquaintances. There are times that we choose to confide in our Facebook family before our actual family. How often do we share a status to the world, when perhaps we should be calling a friend?

What about the internet makes us believe that we can say whatever we think? So many people have been affected by bullying online, and it seems too easy to pour out hate.  It would be wise to think twice before we type out our entitled opinions.

Social media, texting and sexting is changing our relationships. Do we realize that love is not merely about a romantic text, a cute picture or a sweet Facebook post? I wonder how many people can write the romantic words, but struggle to actually live in love. It would be interesting to know how many secret texts and messages have been sent, because our culture says it isn’t cheating until its sex. It is growing more common for women to send nude pictures to interested men; unfortunately, she often finds that she is only another model for his collection.

I wonder how our kids are being affected by growing up in this world of constant performance and comparison. So many are struggling with anxiety and depression. Perhaps they don’t feel they measure up to the standard that has been set. It is growing more and more common for nude pictures to be traded amongst our youth. Great kids, making big choices, because they can. I wonder how many parents recognize that our kids know their way around a phone and have downloaded apps to cover their tracks. The kids that don’t take part are often pressured or bullied. We have wonderful kids that are being bombarded with pressures and many of them are drowning in them.

Do we expect our children to possess a discipline that most adults don’t have?

Many men, young and old, are trapped in the obsession of the images they can access online. Crazy enough, many men would rather look at a picture on a screen instead of touching the living, breathing woman in his bed. 

I wonder how many secret lives are being lived, because society says that “if no one knows, it’s not happening.”

Could the time we are spending in our virtual world be stealing from our actual life? I wonder how many of us realize the life we are living and the life we are losing.

It does not surprise me at all that we are struggling to handle the freedom we have been given. What does surprise me is what seems to be a lack of desire to bring forth change. It surprises me that we don’t have more women speaking out about the pressures of feeling inadequate and that men haven’t begun to stand up and speak truthfully about how the world of unlimited imagery is affecting them. It surprises me that more parents are not getting educated with the world their children are growing up in.

Social media and the internet are not going anywhere. Let’s take charge. Let’s use all the technology we have to connect us better, equip us more and embrace life wholly. Let’s find a way to be the same wonderful person in our virtual world as we are in our actual lives. If we find ourselves struggling to be a kind, confident, honest, wholesome person on the internet, I might suggest that the internet is not the creator of our struggles. The internet; however, can be a revealer of them.

What would happen if we used the internet to stand more confident in who we are and launch us further into our purpose instead of distracting us from it? I wonder…

When My Plans Became My Enemy

View fullsize

Taken by Crush Photography by Hannah Brown

There is something you need to know about me. I am a recovering list maker, plan constructor, control freak. For most of my life, I have LOVED to have a plan and I did not like it if the plan didn’t go as I expected. The first ten years of Carter’s and my relationship were commonly filled with times that I was angry because circumstances didn’t go as I had hoped.

He told me he would be home at 5:00, but it was actually 5:30. I wanted to have the house COMPLETELY cleaned before the party, but I didn’t have time to get it all done. I was excited for our date, but he didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful. He went to the store, but he forgot to get milk, the one thing I needed him to get. I wanted to be in great shape before the event, yet I never started working out. We were trying to be on time, but we were late, again. I thought he had planned a surprise for our anniversary, but he hadn’t planned anything. I wanted to get everything on my list done, but I couldn’t.

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a complete bitch all of the time, but I would really struggle when things didn’t turn out as I expected. For the past five years, I have experienced a complete transformation in this area of my life.

So how did I ever let go of my tight hold on the plans I had?

First, I found myself in a difficult season of life that I hadn’t planned and I didn’t see coming. Carter had lost his job. I began working more because we had lost our health insurance. We were in the adoption process to adopt our second child, Shepherd, from the DR Congo. (Anyone who has adopted knows that it does not go according to “plan”.) We were experiencing difficulties in several of our close relationships. During this all, we were trying to become adjusted to having our first daughter, Epsie, and staying connected in our marriage.

 Life had handed me situations that I wasn’t expecting, it hadn’t asked for my permission and I didn’t have a plan on how to “handle” it.

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Life and it doesn’t always consider your “plans”.

Another major thing that has taught me to be more adaptable is having children. Kids don’t care about your plans. They don’t care if you’re late, if your house is messy or if you had one more errand to do before they are “done”. Kids have their own plans.  I have realized that my plans of having a “perfect house” with a “perfect family” in a “perfect world” are unrealistic. I was finding myself discontent and when it comes to my kids, I am unwilling to miss out merely because it has turned out to be a different experience than I was expecting.

Now looking back, I realize that I was struggling with feeling disappointed. Once I felt disappointed, I would shut down and push Carter (or anyone else) away because I felt he didn’t care. I slowly began to realize how spoiled I had been acting.

I had a picture of how things should go.

It was my vision and it revolved around one person, me.  

I realize now that I was behaving like a two year old who would throw a fit if I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it.

When is the last time your day/night/vacation/date/morning was ruined because it didn’t go the way you were expecting? No matter how hard you try, no matter how well you plan. Life will happen. Time will pass faster than expected. Not everything will get done. People will not behave exactly as you want (nor should they). Your expectations will go unmet and all you will be left with is a choice.

Yes, you have a choice.

I used to tell myself I didn’t have a choice. I was mad and I couldn’t help it, but that wasn’t true. I had a choice and you have a choice, the choice to make the best of our circumstances. As I often tell my kids, “We can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose how we act”. We need to take responsibility for our attitudes and recognize our power to choose.

You have every right to feel disappointed. You can even feel angry. You may very well need to have a conversation with someone about how you are feeling, but then choose to let it go and move on. Choose to make the best of your new circumstances.

A little secret I’ll let you in on…

A beautiful thing happens when we release our anger after not getting our way, we have the opportunity to realize that maybe our plan wasn’t the best all along. If we allow ourselves a moment to be disappointed and then look around, we might see that we have a whole lot to be thankful for and perhaps the only thing keeping us from having the best life is actually ourselves.