I will never forget the scariest moment of my marriage. We had been married a couple of years and I found myself feeling very frustrated about some happening between us. I talked to Carter several times about it and he seemed to listen, but our conversations never seemed to bring about any change.

We had been having the same discussion on repeat for weeks.

He may have been listening, but I did not feel heard.

We were not on the same page…

In recent weeks, I have been obsessing over the experience of being offended. I’ve been studying it. Listening. Watching. Questioning.

Offense is beyond interesting.

Offense feels like passion.

It feels righteous.

It feels justified.

Being offended makes us feel powerful and productive. When we get offended, it feels very important. It almost feels as if we are getting something accomplished. Which is quite intriguing.

Offense happens when someone disrespects us, devalues us, or disagrees with us. We also take offense when someone does not respect our pain or validate a loss that we have experienced.

When we are offended we feel justified to say, feel, or do, whatever we want.

Free pass.

Recently, I was talking to a friend and mentioned to her that I am always looking to change. I hope to be a very different person in a year than I am today.

I said it without thinking a thing about it until she stopped me and asked,

“You want to change?”

Do you ever say things and not think about them until someone calls you out for saying it? I do all of the time. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I whole-heartedly believed and agreed with the statement I made.

I want to change...

I have always been a very opinionated person. I never had to be taught how to have strong convictions and to speak up for what I believed. I just did. These strong convictions left me with a very narrow path of what I believed was right.

I wouldn't chase after confrontation, but I sure didn't shy away from it when someone challenged me. I had my opinions, for good reason, and I stood by my beliefs. This caused me to enter into many arguments and I did so with confidence because I was sure that my opinion was correct. Absolutely positive.

I used to feel so proud of my opinions. That was then...

How do you respond when someone tells you that they do not like you? Well... this has happened to me several times through my life and I finally have a solution for this awkward experience! Watch it here...

In many ways, our first ten years of marriage have gone as I expected they would. My husband is a wonderfully, kind man who has loved me well. We have chased our dreams and seen many of them come true. Most of our days have been beautiful, but not all of them...

In our world today, we have many outlets to share our views. With that comes many opportunities to feel offended by the opinions that we hear. When we are offended, it is easy to make the choice to treat others poorly.

How do we react when we find ourselves offended by the opinions and actions of others?...

My feelings about conflict have changed through the years. I used to hate it. I saw conflict as an unenjoyable experience that I had to endure until it was over. Only in recent years, I see conflict for what it truly is, an opportunity to see who I am. For the most part, I am quite blind to myself. I view myself as doing well and making good choices, well… because I always agree with myself. When I am in conflict, I am always surprised by who I am, how I feel and how I want to react.  

Here are some of the ways I have handled conflict in the past….