I’m Offended {And I’m Missing the Point}

In recent weeks, I have been obsessing over the experience of being offended. I’ve been studying it. Listening. Watching. Questioning.

Offense is beyond interesting.

Offense feels like passion.

It feels righteous.

It feels justified.

Being offended makes us feel powerful and productive. When we get offended, it feels very important. It almost feels as if we are getting something accomplished. Which is quite intriguing.

Offense happens when someone disrespects us, devalues us, or disagrees with us.

We also take offense when someone does not respect our pain or validate a loss that we have experienced.

When we are offended, we feel justified to say, feel, or do, whatever we want.

Free pass.

Perhaps we don’t say whatever we want to the person, but we will undoubtedly find someone to express our outrage.  We want to be told that we are right in everything that we feel and justified in everything that we said.

Our offense keeps us laser focused on them and their failure. It frees us of any responsibility to own our reactions, emotions or perceptions.

Being offended is centered on the priority to blame them for everything, including the emotions that have risen within us.

When we are offended, grace and compassion are not necessary. We are not looking for a different perspective. We are looking for validation. We want every emotion that we feel to be respected.

Being offended feels powerful, but it’s not. It is actually void of power. We are not valiant. We are emotional.

It is not hard to follow our emotions. It is hard to challenge them.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about changing viewpoints to what the opposing side is saying. I am talking about taking responsibility for the extreme passion, anger or hurt that we allow to go unchecked and unresolved.

We must take responsibility for ourselves.

Our emotions. Our words. Our actions.

We must own them. We should prioritize understanding them. We should be dedicated to maturing them.

Being offended feels productive, but it is only truly productive if we use the experience as an opportunity to grow.

There is so much to learn about ourselves when we are offended.

Why do we feel the way we feel? Why are we so upset? Why are we unable to disagree respectfully? Why did what they said bother or hurt us so much? Why is it important that they agree with us?

Next time we find ourselves offended let’s try to resist the urge to blame.

Next time, let’s embrace the opportunity to grow.

Surprising enough, our job in this life is not to change them.

It is to grow ourselves.

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Breakdowns Often Lead to Breakthroughs

Breakdowns are not the most enjoyable experience, but they happen to us all. Well, at least they happen to me. Recently, I had quite the breakdown...

I had been feeling overwhelmed for months. I kept trying to find my way out of this feeling, but I couldn’t seem to.

It all felt confusing and slippery. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on what was really bothering me. I tried to talk about it, but it didn’t seem to help. Until one night when my emotions collided with my circumstance and I finally felt the dam break loose. I sat on my couch, crying to my husband.

I cried and talked and cried some more.

As I talked, our kiddos were going wild, our doggie was ringing her potty bell and I was painfully aware that every hamper in our house was overflowing with dirty laundry.

I felt more overwhelmed as I seem to be unable to even have an uninterrupted breakdown.

My voice cracked and I closed my eyes.

I felt ashamed and I wanted to stop talking. I have said a lot of hard things to Carter in my life and these were by far not the most difficult. However, even after years of living vulnerably, it is still sometimes hard for me to share some of the intimate places within myself… especially when I feel like it sounds silly or overdramatic.

No matter how silly I felt, I knew I had to keep talking. As I continued, I finally felt I was uncovering the real reason I was feeling overwhelmed.

The fog felt like it was lifting and I felt like I could see clearly what was really happening within me.

I started to feel better.

 Relief.

I have spent years learning how to process through my experiences and emotions in order to move forward in my life. Putting words to my frustrations, fears, anger, and shame has been vitally important and most helpful.

When I speak my fears out loud it helps me put them in perspective. Talking them out helps me pinpoint thoughts and mindsets that need to be corrected.

Understanding who I am is a huge priority in my life. I want to understand my struggle, but ultimately I want to conquer it.

I am always looking to grow from who I am to who I could be and breakdowns are the perfect opportunity for self-evaluation. My unfiltered emotions reveal things within me that are typically buried deep. Stressful circumstances are a great opportunity to sit back and listen to myself.

From my experience, the biggest breakdowns have the potential to give way to the greatest breakthroughs. It doesn’t always feel the most pleasant, but can pay off big time.  

Don’t fear the breakdown. Find someone who is safe to breakdown with. Let them love you. Let them listen to you, but more importantly, listen to yourself. Say the things that you feel, even if they are ridiculous.

Not to give your emotions the power, but to take the power back from them.

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