REDEMPTION UNVEILED
Beauty from Ashes- A Redemption Story
“Well… our house is on fire.”
Carter isn’t one for jokes and the statement seemed surprisingly calm. Too calm.
I heard him clearly, but still felt puzzled.
Instinctively I replied, “What? What did you say?”
“Our house is on fire.”
Again calm, but a bit shakier. He didn’t have to explain. Somewhere in my gut I just knew… it was serious.
“Did you call 911?”
“Yes.”
“I’m coming.”...
This is a post that I wrote in 2016 after our house caught on fire. It is a beautiful thing to look back and see what God did through all of this horrible experience.
“Well… our house is on fire.”
Carter isn’t one for jokes and the statement seemed surprisingly calm. Too calm.
I heard him clearly, but still felt puzzled. Instinctively I replied,
“What? What did you say?”
“Our house is on fire.”
Again calm, but a bit shakier. He didn’t have to explain. Somewhere in my gut I just knew… it was serious.
“Did you call 911?”
“Yes.” He stated.
“I’m coming.”
I was in my brother’s bathroom trying on some jeans at a rummage sale. It had been an uneventful day… until now. I ran outside and told my brother “I need you to drive me home. Now. Our house is on fire.”
It took me less than a minute to be on my way. As we drove on the back country road I saw the fire trucks a couple of miles behind. It was then that I realized we would beat them to our house. I couldn’t help but wonder what I was going to see when I arrived.
My thoughts were interrupted by my brother’s statement,
“Oh shit.”
I looked up and saw it…
The smoke.
It was a lot of smoke.
I had seen this sight a hundred times before, a pillar of smoke in the distance. I can never help but wonder what is causing it. I didn’t wonder this time.
I knew.
This was my house.
This was the house that we bought only five months ago.
This was the house that I had spent every weekend and many weeknights of the past 20 weeks working on. This was the house that we had just painted… and trimmed… and replaced doors… countertops… fans… lighting… and flooring. I had finally chosen my curtains and bedding and was finalizing room décor. This was our fixer-upper… that we were almost done with.
As soon as I saw the smoke, I put my face in my hands and began to sob.
How can this be happening?
This can’t be happening.
But it was.
As we arrived at our home I saw my husband and three sweet babies in our front yard watching our house burn. The flames were pouring out of our children’s playroom.
As my brother pulled into our front yard, I opened my door and had my foot on the ground before the truck had even stopped.
My babies. I needed to hold my babies.
I ran up to them, hugged them, and thanked God for their safety.
The firefighters pulled in and we said a quick prayer for them as they began to work. We watched as they quickly got the flames under control and made sure the fire was extinguished. It all happened so fast and quickly it was over.
The fire was out.
I had never been in a house that had been on fire before. From the outside, I thought the loss would be isolated to one room... but I was wrong. I have heard the term “smoke damage”, but could not have imagined the extent of destruction it caused so quickly.
Our house was destroyed.
As I walked through the house, I couldn’t even process what I saw. There is no way this could be my house. My house was filled with natural light, light-colored walls, and white trim.
It was like I had walked into a nightmare version of my home.
Our normally bright house was a pit of darkness. Even with a flashlight, I could hardly see. The air burned my throat and I had to leave after only a few minutes inside.
We all stood around for a bit and talked about how thankful we were that everyone was safe and how we all knew everything would work out.
Then one by one everyone said their goodbyes and wished us the best.
Carter and I didn’t know what to do.
What are you supposed to do?
So we just sat in our front yard on a stump, baffled, at what had just happened.
What had just happened?
This fire had just demolished the last five months of our lives. And we weren’t just starting over, we were starting farther back than ever before.
How did we get here? We have never been those people that wanted a “fixer-upper”; in fact, because of our lack of skills we tried to avoid it. But after two years of looking, we decided this house had the greatest potential to give us what we dreamed of.
We bought our house hoping we could handle the adventure of a remodel. We had almost done it. It was far from perfect, but we were proud of it. We were proud of it because we had put so much time and effort into it. Of course we still had a ton of projects to do, but we had our final *big* project scheduled for the following week.
We have never worked so hard on anything.
All of our hard work was wiped away in about 20 minutes.
...
The next morning, I was lying in bed and a scripture I grew up hearing came to my mind.
“To give them beauty for ashes…”
I have always loved the sound of these words. Very poetic and they paint a beautiful picture of the redemptive process. It got me thinking… redemption is beautiful, but to be truthful, the process of bringing beauty out of ashes is not easy.
I find myself today with a giant opportunity, I get to bring beauty from ashes… literally.
This process will not just happen. It will cost me. I have had, and will continue to have, many opportunities to not bring beauty from this situation.
I can choose not to make the most of it.
But I won’t.
I will not allow this situation to steal any more from me than it already has
I am headed to Redemption.
I do not worry about the destination, but the journey overwhelms me at times. I know how costly it is to go on this journey. It is not fun, but it is worth it. Even though I would not have chosen this. I can do this.
I will do this.
I will release my expectations.
I will stand on my faith.
I will hold on to my hope.
And I will choose to love.
And then I will wait. I will wait and watch it all unfold.
Beauty is coming.
Just wait and see.
Do you know of anyone who is also in an overwhelming time of their life? Forward this to them and let us make beauty together!
What Is God Calling You to Do?
“Calling” is a big word.
Maybe you didn’t grow up in the Christian culture like I did, but for a girl who did, “Calling” is a word I heard a lot. “What is God calling you to do?” “What is your Calling?” “You must do the things that God has called you to do!”
So, “Calling,” what is it?
Your Calling is your unique purpose and destiny that God has put on your life. It is the dreams & hopes that He put in you that are your job to fulfill as you walk out your time on this Earth. It is a blend of several things. It is a combination of who you are, the things you will accomplish, and the overall impact/culture that you create while you are here.
Your Calling is filled with risks and unknowns. I wish I could tell you that the calling that God has on your life is filled with ease and joy. I wish that it could be described as skipping through a field of wildflowers to the end of a rainbow… that would be nice. I wish that your Calling was as simple as creating a goal and making it happen… but it’s not.
Your Calling is a blend of faith, hope, perseverance, determination, heartache, failure, embarrassment, a dash of success, and a whole lot of fulfillment.
Your Calling is quite dependent on your willingness to believe what God has told you more than the experiences that are proving otherwise. It is directly tied to your willingness to live out a combination of risk-taking in faith and disappointment-releasing through surrender.
The Call that God put inside of you is unique to you. There is no one else on this Earth that has the list of things to do that you have. You have a unique history, a unique set of gifts, talents, strengths, and unique dreams within you.
You are the only you, and that is why your responsibility to fulfill your Call is of the utmost importance.
Let’s break down your Calling into a bit more detail…
First, what are you good at? What brings you joy? What makes you excited? What lights you up? You need to think of several things, and you need to own them. I am not talking about simply things that you enjoy doing, what are the activities that you do on this earth that make you feel alive? These things are a vital part of your Call.
Second, what dreams do you have within you? Do you have a dream of starting a business? Running for government? Writing a book? Building a family? Experiencing an amazing marriage? Teaching? Building a house? Starting a non-profit? What are the things you would like to build? Create? Experience? These are all part of the Call of God on your life. He puts dreams within us & it is our job to take the risks to bring them to this Earth.
Lastly, what is the overall big picture you want your life to be about? What culture do you want to create? Who do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to live? Do you want to have a wildly adventurous life or perhaps, a steady & safe life? Do you want to live boldly or live wisely? How do you want to describe your life when you look back at it? This is part of your Call.
All three of these things are vital things that you need to clarify and understand about your life. You need to know what your strengths are, you need to know what you are building, and you need to know what Culture you are creating.
You need to move toward the Call that God has put inside of you.
This shouldn’t be an afterthought; in fact, you should wake up every day knowing exactly what you are doing in this season of your life and know exactly where you are headed. You should be going to bed very fulfilled and confident that you are living the life you were born for. You should be a person who responds to the whispers that God has put within you. This is the key to building your faith and ultimately becoming the person God created you to be.
Don’t wait, start today.
And don’t forget, the Earth is waiting for you to show up.
Want to go deeper? Listen to this podcast episode!
Mastering the Art of Letting Dreams Die
I am passionate about dreaming in this life. I love happy endings and dreams fulfilled. However, there is a very real part of this life that involves learning to allow dreams to come to an end.
Sometimes our dreams die a slow peaceful death and sometimes they come crashing down without any warning they would be gone so soon.
Here are the steps I take when it is time to let a dream die…
I am passionate about dreaming in this life. I love happy endings and dreams fulfilled. However, there is a very real part of this life that involves learning to allow dreams to come to an end.
Sometimes our dreams die a slow peaceful death and sometimes they come crashing down without any warning they would be gone so soon.
When we are young, the sky can feel like the limit. We don't doubt what our life will bring to us because we are confident that our dreams will come to pass and things will go as planned.
And sometimes they do.
However, as we get older and our dreams become reality, we often realize how much disappointment comes along with our dreams. Life seldom goes exactly as we planned. At times, we find ourselves grabbing for scraps of our dreams that have been left over from our reality.
And then there are the times that our dreams are taken from us completely.
No scraps left to gather. No dream left at all.
Nothing left to manage.
I am a firm believer in redemption, but sometimes there is nothing left to redeem. Sometimes the dream is simply gone.
What then?
How do we move forward in life?
Here are the steps I take when it is time to let a dream die…
Acknowledge it is gone.
The first step is to acknowledge what has happened. Look at the situation and define it for what it is. See the loss and allow yourself to acknowledge the new experience you have to live.
Sometimes this is easy and sometimes this is the hardest part of it all.
2. Let it go.
Depending on the loss, this step alone can take some time. Losing something and letting go of it are actually two different steps. The loss comes first, often times, without our consent. Letting go is our participation in the loss. Letting go is our choice to say we are making a new way in our life without our dream.
3. Grieve it.
It's ok and GOOD to acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to feel the pain.
It is important to identify it and talk to someone about it. Even if it sounds silly or you don't think it will help, be sure to find someone you can discuss your loss with.
4. Find hope.
Depending on the depth of your loss, this could take some time. However, at some point, it is essential to discover hope again. Not hope that the dream will return, but hope for a new dream.
5. Decide how you will view your fear.
I have found that once I have chosen to hope again, I am always faced with fear quickly after. Fear of losing my new dream and fear of having to walk the journey of loss once again.
Fear will tell us he is our protector and our friend, but he is not. His true intention is to keep us limited in our life and keep our dreams small.
You and you alone will define how fear directs your future.
Dreaming is a beautiful part of our life. Losing the dream is not so beautiful, but it is necessary to understand that once we have lost a dream we must walk the steps to grieve our loss.
If we don't, we may experience something worse than our lost dream... A life of no dreaming at all.
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Finding Confidence in a Surprising Place
I have a very outgoing personality. Most of the time, I naturally feel confident. But through the years, I have learned that having an outgoing personality is not the same thing as being confident with who you are.
When life was going well, I felt confident. However, when I encountered circumstances that made me feel inadequate or insecure, I felt extremely aware of my negative qualities. In these moments, I felt ashamed and I lost my confidence.
How real is my confidence if it can be taken away by mere circumstance?
I wanted more.
I have a very outgoing personality. Most of the time, I naturally feel confident.
But through the years, I have learned that having an outgoing personality is not the same thing as being confident with who you are.
When life was going well, I felt confident. However, when I encountered circumstances that made me feel inadequate or insecure, I felt extremely aware of my negative qualities. In those moments, I felt ashamed and I lost my confidence.
How real is my confidence if it can be taken away by mere circumstance?
I wanted more.
For a long time, I thought the reason I struggled with confidence was because I possessed too many negative qualities. I tried hard to get rid of my “bad” qualities by working to grow my “good” qualities.
I thought that in time the good would eventually take out the bad, right?
Even after lots of effort, something would happen and my bad qualities would come and smack me in the face.
UGH!
I hated my faults. I viewed difficult circumstances as my enemy. I also became very defensive if anyone hinted that I was inadequate.
When my whole goal was to be perfect, it felt very personal when someone pinpointed my imperfection.
However, there was a major problem. I am far from perfect.
FAR.
In my life, I have been lazy, inconsiderate, selfish and self-centered. I have been rigid and defensive. I have been manipulative.
I have had many times of being flat “wrong”. I have projected blame on others when the blame lied with me. I have been quite blind to myself and have had an entitled attitude.
I have not always been a good friend. I have forgotten things I shouldn’t have and held on to things that I should’ve let go.
I have had many awkward moments where I find myself doing quite idiotic things. I am easily distracted and I can be weirdly paranoid. I am disheveled and forgetful. I often run late.
I can be a little “much” for some people.
It is common for me to speak before thinking and I often say stupid things. At the same time, I can overthink simple things.
I used to be utterly ashamed of these qualities. I hated each and every one of them for making me feel so unlovable. I thought if I worked hard my "bad" qualities would eventually go away..
Makes sense, right?
Wrong.
I wasn't becoming confident. I was learning to hide. This was not my goal.
I had to stop acting like I wasn’t broken. Whether I liked it or not, I was. It was time to face myself. The real me. It was time to decide if I really wanted to grow confident.
I was never going to find confidence until I embraced my brokenness.
I did not embrace these qualities to defend them. I embraced them so that I could accept them, I accepted them so that I could sort through them, then I sorted through them so that I could find healing.
Through years of learning to embrace my brokenness, I have experienced so much healing. I am more honest and authentic than I ever have been.
Who would’ve guessed that the key to finding confidence would not be in my perfection but my imperfection?
Not me.
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Learning to Fail
For the past decade of my life, I have been trying to learn how to fail and after ten plus years, I still don’t know exactly how to do it. Of course, I can fail. Failing is inevitable, but I am still learning how to fail well.
How can I still be here after so many years of believing in grace?
How is it possible that I am still so affected by my failure? Why are my limitations, mistakes, and misunderstandings so scary to me? I have come so far, but I still have a long ways to go.
In the past, when I have failed, I felt the need to cover up my failure and hide my mistakes. At the same time, I would defend my value as if it was something that needed defending.
During my failure, there was always a little voice taunting me... What if my fears are true? What if my fail is a sign that I not only failed, but I am a failure?? But worse, what if I am a failure who is destined to fail forever?
Recently, I was talking to Carter and was anxiously telling him about a failure. You know those moments that you are face to face with the inevitable fact that you have failed something or someone?
Ugh! I HATE those moments.
I do.
I was worked up and nervously talking away. When all of the sudden Carter stopped me, put his arms around me, looked me in the eyes and said two amazingly perfect words.
“Be Free.”
He continued to tell me that it was fine, that I was fine and that I had to learn to let these things go.
It was fine.
I was fine.
For the past decade of my life, I have been trying to learn how to fail and after ten plus years, I still don’t know exactly how to do it. Of course, I can fail. Failing is inevitable, but I am still learning how to fail well.
How can I still be here after so many years of believing in grace?
How is it possible that I am still so affected by my failure? Why are my limitations, mistakes, and misunderstandings so scary to me? I have come so far, but I still have a long ways to go.
In the past, when I have failed, I felt the need to cover up my failure and hide my mistakes. At the same time, I would defend my value as if it was something that needed defending.
During my failure, there was always a little voice taunting me... What if my fears are true? What if my fail is a sign that I not only failed, but I am a failure?? But worse, what if I am a failure who is destined to fail forever?
What if I not only got it wrong but what if I am wrong? What if I don't just make mistakes. What if I am the mistake?
(insert tear.)
Several years ago, I became quite aware that my fear of failure could have the potential to steal my entire life from me. I rallied myself, gathered some peeps around me to help me stay on track, and I went forth into the world determined not to let my fear of failure steal from my life.
I really don't enjoy failure. I am more of an enjoyer of success. Success is fun, but I don’t believe that we learn jack squat during our successes. Now our failures are a different story... our failures are full of opportunities.
Our failures show us our fears.
Our failures show us our weaknesses.
Our failures give us an opportunity to experience grace.
Do not get me wrong, I still do not enjoy failing, but I have learned to value the process. Learning to fail has taught me a lot about who I am and the fears that are within me. I have and will continue to fail. And that's ok.
We must embrace the role that failure will play in our lives.
Our goal should not be to not fail.
Our goal should be to learn how.
My fails still bother me at times, but no matter how hard I fall on my face I choose to be kind to myself. I evaluate my intentions and determine if they need any correction. If they do, I own it. When I struggle to have grace for myself, I ask someone to help me move forward without shame.
Perhaps the greatest change I have made is that I no longer act like it isn't happening. I face it so that I can learn from it. I choose to grow instead of choosing to remain the same. I own my issues. I own my mistakes.
I own my failure.
I choose to heal and move forward fully knowing that I will fail again, but no longer allowing it to keep me from living the life I was meant to live.
Finding freedom in facing my brokenness. Do you want to join me? CLICK HERE!!!
If You Need to Judge Me Then Do What You Must
I hear the things that you have said and I understand that you would like me to be different. I hear you, but it seems that you are incapable of hearing me because you are too busy judging me.
If you need to judge me then do what you must. Not that long ago, I would’ve judged me too...
I hear the things that you have said and I understand that you would like me to be different. I hear you, but it seems that you are incapable of hearing me because you are too busy judging me.
If you need to judge me then do what you must. Not that long ago, I would’ve judged me too.
You don’t know what I’ve been through. You do not understand why I am who I am. You don’t know what my journey has cost me. You don’t know the tears that I’ve cried or the fears that I’ve fought. You don’t understand all the times that I have chosen to grow and I have chosen to learn.
I used to feel so afraid of you and your disapproval.
It used to take my breath away and choke me as if it could kill me. I used to do things for you… so that you would approve of me… so that you would love me.
And then I stopped.
I had to.
I realized that even with the best of trying I couldn’t make you happy. I couldn’t be everything you wanted me to be.
I had to stop running after you and the disappearing vapors of your approval because I realized in the chase for your endorsement I was losing myself.
I believe you want the best for me and you feel you know what that is. Thank you, but it seems that you are incapable of loving me without very specific requirements of who I must be. Thanks for the offer, but I am gonna have to say “no thanks”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying “no thanks” to you. I am saying “no thanks” to the burden of your expectations.
I would love for you to be a part of my journey, but I will not base my life choices on the critical words that I hear from you. I will not base my value on your sliding scale of interpretation.
I say that without hate or malice. I mean you no disrespect. I value you, but I can see clearly that you struggle to do the same for me.
So I release you.
I no longer need you to approve of me. I no longer need you to validate my worth.
Why?
Because I have found it for myself.
I know you feel it is your job to measure my performance and my worth, but I assure you, it is not.
I release you from loving me in a way that you are unable to. I will no longer expect you to understand my heart.
I will no longer expect you to trust my intent.
I will move forward with the understanding that at least for now, you are unable to love me without conditions. I will choose to love you right where you are despite your inability to do the same for me.
And that’s ok.
I have grace for you to be where you are. I give you grace not because of who you are, but because of who I am, because of the journey that I have taken…
the very journey that you fail to understand.
-Haley
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Ruining My Life... One Expectation at a Time
Hopes. Dreams. Expectations. Plans. Goals. Desires.
They are all wonderfully beautiful things... until they aren’t.
There is an art to having expectations. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Right where they push you forward, but don’t hold you back.
I have always been a very positive person and I have never been short on hopes for my future. These hopes turned into plans and then I would then execute those plans. As I did, I expected everything to go exactly according to my very sunny expectations.
Expectations.
Such a simple word with a whole lot of implication.
I realized something interesting about my expectations… well… that they were ruining my life.
Hopes. Dreams. Expectations. Plans. Goals. Desires.
They are all wonderfully beautiful things... until they aren’t.
There is an art to having expectations. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Right where they push you forward, but don’t hold you back.
I have always been a very positive person and I have never been short on hopes for my future. These hopes turned into plans and then I would then execute those plans. As I did, I expected everything to go exactly according to my very sunny expectations.
Expectations.
Such a simple word with a whole lot of implication.
I realized something interesting about my expectations… well… that they were ruining my life.
I guess to be fair it wasn’t actually my expectations that were stealing from me, it was my inability to let go of them. I mean seriously, I would clinch those things in my hands until there was no life left in them at all. I didn’t want to let go.
I would hold on to them like some crazy lunatic who just could not get the message that things were not going to play out like she thought.
My expectations have affected every part of my life, but have probably affected my relationship with Carter the most. They almost functioned as a third person in our relationship.
I let my expectations call the shots far too often. I would ruin an entire experience because it went differently than I expected it to. It was so stinkin’ silly.
When things didn’t fall in line, I was not ok with it. I felt entitled to my expectations. I felt as if I was owed them. I wanted things to go perfectly, but when they didn’t, I couldn’t find a new “perfect”. I would waste so much time thinking about what “should have been”.
I was missing out on so many things because they were turning out different than I expected.
We should expect wonderful things in this life; however, we should not stop moving forward when things happen that are not expected. It isn’t easy, that’s for sure. But I want to be very clear about something that I discovered along the way.
My life was not the problem.
My husband was not the problem.
My problem was my inability to understand that this life is not lived out according to a pre-written script.
This life is organic and alive. This life is full of twists and turns more beautiful and gut-wrenching than anything that we can possibly imagine.
It is not so much our plans that will indicate what kind of life we have, but the ability to adapt to the change of plans that will define our life.
My sweet friends, aim yourself to the moon, but when you find your experiences falling short of what you hoped, don’t forget to enjoy the stars.
(Yes, that just happened. I referenced the "shoot for the moon" saying. Classic.)
Much love and many blessings, Haley
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Living the Dream, One Nightmare at a Time
Isn't crazy how life can turn out so different than we expect it to? I have found that even things go how I wanted them to go, the journey often looks quite different than I expected it to. Today on my blog I share a bit of how the very life that has brought to life our dreams, is the very life that has brought forth our nightmares. Enjoy...
If you would’ve asked me when we got married what our lives would look like in a decade I would’ve said something like this…
I saw Carter and I married with a handful of kiddos, both through pregnancy and adoption.
We would be living outside of a small town, with a bit of land and owning a pet or two.
We would have travelled the world.
I would be staying at home with my kids, possibly working a day or two outside the home. I thought Carter would be working in the finance world and I hoped that he would enjoy his job.
Of course, I planned on being more in love with my husband than ever.
You want to hear something crazy?
Every single one of the things that I hoped for my life is my reality.
However...
Even though so many wonderful things have happened, I can honestly say that in the past decade there have been so many things that I did not expect to be part of our journey.
I never expected to come home one day and find that someone had broken into our home. Stealing several thousands of dollars’ worth of memories.
I never expected to wake up one morning and realize my house was quickly becoming an island. We had minutes to get out of our house. One car already totaled from the water.
I never expected our house to catch on fire.
I never realized how many days would be dedicated to the broken appliances and a car that needs to go to the shop.
I never anticipated our dog getting hit by the car and the kitties running away.
I never expected Carter to lose his job after the recession hit.
I sure never saw the friendships that would be no longer.
I never expected to take it so brutally hard when we had our failed adoption.
I didn’t expect the whole parenting thing to be so challenging. I never expected so many tears to come with it, both from my children and myself.
I didn’t realize how many different seasons you experience as a married couple. The moments where you look into each other’s eyes and question one another’s actions, intentions or love. I never thought that I would have days where I really questioned the whole gig.
I never realized that there would not just be hard days… but there would be hard years.
You see, when I looked ahead at my life I saw all the moments of the mountaintops. I didn’t see the valleys.
I saw all of my dreams coming true… but I never realized that the same life that would make my dreams come true would be the very life that brought forth my nightmares.
My friends, life is both extremely wonderful and extremely difficult. We have moments on the mountaintops and moments on the valleys. I don’t think we need to fear the valleys, but I do think we need to understand that they will be part of our journey to the top.
If you find yourself in a valley today. Keep your head up. Try to find beauty right where you are. Where you are today, is not where you will always be, but where you are today is part of the journey to where you are going.
And that my friend, is a beautiful thing.
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I Betrayed Her... Now What?
I have a handful of moments that have shaped me as a person. This being one. I sat on my couch feeling quite defenseless and humble. I will never forget the moment that I was sitting in front of her.
I knew what I had to do.
I had to ask for forgiveness.
Why?
Because I had betrayed her.
What do you do when you fail someone that you love?
I could not turn back time.
I could not make it right.
I could not justify my actions or explain my failure.
It was what it was.
Betrayal.
I have a handful of moments that have shaped me as a person. This being one. I sat on my couch feeling quite defenseless and humble. I will never forget the moment that I was sitting in front of her.
I knew what I had to do.
I had to ask for forgiveness.
Why?
Because I had betrayed her.
My friend. That I loved.
I listened first. I agreed with everything she said. What had happened was wrong. To be honest, it was one of the only times of my life I had no justification and no explanation. No defense.
As she relived her experience it was as if her pain lived inside of each word.
I could feel her heartache within me.
And here I was.
Going to ask her for something.
Forgiveness.
It is a humbling experience to look someone in the eye and seek forgiveness. There was no reason that it should be given and no reason that it would be.
I hated that we were here, I wished that I could travel back into time and change what had happened, but I couldn’t. There was nothing left to do, but to seek mercy. This was not a mercy I had earned. No actions or words could take away the hurt.
As I listened, I understood the crossroads that we were at. She would decide if there would ever be an “us” again. The ball was in her court.
She had to decide if I was worth the risk.
I listened to her. She listened to me.
And through great sorrow, she said the words...
“I forgive you.”
She looked me in the eye and told me that she loved me. She was willing to offer me her love even though I had failed her. Even now, as I recall this experience I feel moved to tears.
This moment changed me forever.
It quite literally changed who I was.
She gave me permission to move forward. Not without regret, but with mercy. Past the choice I had made and into growing from who I was into who I wanted to be.
I will always feel a certain amount of debt towards her. She gave me mercy that I am not sure I would have been able to offer myself without her permission.
The pain I caused her will forever be on my list of things I regret in my life.
I know my words of repentance did not nearly carry the power that her words of forgiveness carried. I understood that her choosing those words came at a high price for her. It cost her to release me from what I deserved.
The choice she made did not end that day. Her choice caused a ripple through my life.
Relationships can suck because people fail us and people betray us, but I want to suggest that it is in these moments that we are given the opportunity to change the world.
because I was forgiven.
And it changed my world.
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Without Love...
Love isn't always hard. But, often times, it is. It can be hard to love our spouses, our friends, our families, our homes, our jobs... or our lives.
I have yet to meet a "lover" who has not also experienced the painful kiss of disappointment, betrayal, and heartache.
When we love, we will inevitably experience disappointment and feel pain. We can slowly determine that the cost of love is too high because it hurts so much. Through the many disappointments that we experience it is easy to choose to love less.
Despite all of my experiences that have taught me that love is quite costly, I have determined that the cost of not loving is far greater.
To lose my love is to lose my life...
Love is hard.
Sure, there are times that love is easy.
Falling in love is easy. It is easy to love our children. And puppies. Puppies are easy to love. (If you aren't trying to train them! Haha.)
So, love isn't always hard. But, often times, it is. It can be hard to love our spouses, our friends, our families, our homes, our jobs... or our lives.
I have yet to meet a "lover" who has not also experienced the painful kiss of disappointment, betrayal, and heartache.
When we love, we will inevitably experience disappointment and feel pain. We can slowly determine that the cost of love is too high because it hurts so much. Through the many disappointments that we experience it is easy to choose to love less.
Despite all of my experiences that have taught me that love is quite costly, I have determined that the cost of not loving is far greater.
To lose my love is to lose my life.
Love is hard, but we must continue to choose love no matter how difficult it may be.
We can discover all of the mysteries on this earth, but if we don’t’ find love, we will still be lost.
We could find a family for every child in need of one, but if they are not shown love, there is no point.
We can possess all of the intellect of this world, but without love, it will lead us to isolation.
We can teach our children all of the lessons of life, but if they never learn that they are loved, then we have failed.
We could feed every starving person on this earth, but if they have not been treated with love, they will still be in need.
We can be on the “right” side of every argument, but if we can’t love the person on the other side, what does that say about us?
We can possess all of the power in the world, but without love, we cannot be trusted with it.
We can be married for the rest of our lives, but if it is void of love, it will be far from a fairy tale.
We can earn freedom for the entire world, but if there is no love, we will be enslaved by our hate.
We can have everything that money can buy, but without love, we will still be poor.
We can speak with beautifully eloquent words, but if they are not followed with love, our words will produce hate.
It is vital that we find a way to put love at the center of our cause, no matter what that may be.
Because without love my friends, we have nothing.
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A Few Words for the Girl In that White Dress
Get ready for your adventure to begin. You are beginning a long voyage and there is no way to prepare you for what lies ahead. Your life may turn out to be everything you expect or nothing that you predict, or perhaps it will be both, all rolled up into one glorious experience...
Get ready for your adventure to begin. You are beginning a long voyage and there is no way to prepare you for what lies ahead. Your life may turn out to be everything you expect or nothing that you predict, or perhaps it will be both, all rolled up into one glorious experience.
I would like to encourage you to let go of some of your expectations. You are predicting a fairy tale when your life will feel more like a rollercoaster.
You will have tough times ahead. It's ok. Every marriage does. Hold your head up. You are strong enough to do this.
Stop thinking you will do this perfect. You can’t. You will fail. It’s ok. Take a breath. Failure is full of opportunity if you let it unfold. Don’t hate your failure. Hate your fear.
Don’t listen to those who come only to tear you down, including those thoughts inside of yourself. They come only to keep you intimidated from unlocking your full potential.
People will look at you and judge how you live. Let them look. Let them judge. But don’t perform for them. Don’t try to be anything. Just be you.
You will doubt yourself but don’t for long.
Press on and don’t stop. Ever.
Stop looking around for other people to tell you that you are worthy. Stop it! You are worthy. It is not your husbands’, friends’, families’, or anyone else’s job to give you worth. You must find it yourself and own it. No one else can give it to you.
You are a wife now, you are not a trophy. You were not meant to be put on a shelf or in a box. You only need to be you. You are enough.
Remember to never compare your life to those around you. Your life will never look like “their” life. Ever. You can’t be them. You suck at being them. (Just trust me on this.) You, be you. It is the only person you can rock. So rock it.
Your life can be every bit of adventure that you predict; however, your adventure will be lived through the years of time. Your days may feel long, but your years will fly by.
Marriage is often entered with the thoughts of companionship, but there are days that marriage can feel very isolating. Don’t stay in isolation for long. Life must be lived with others. Don’t allow yourself to stay in seclusion. Reach out. Please. Seek support.
Be resolute in not living a life full of secrets. It is not worth it.
Marriage can feel beautiful, wonderful, exhausting, difficult, horrible, exciting and can be the absolute best experience in this life. If possible, don't give up.
I pray that your husband is a kind, respectful, honest partner for you to live beside. However, no matter who he chooses to be. Remember not to lose yourself in your partnership. Never allow yourself to disappear. You are essential to this world.
We need you to be you.
Much love and many blessings, Haley
Home Sweet Home {One Year Later}
One year ago, today, our house caught on fire. It has been quite the eventful past year! Thankfully, we have moved back into our house and we are loving every minute of it! Here's a bit of an update on our home and family. I hope you are doing well my friend, Haley.
One year ago, today, our home caught on fire.
Thankfully, it was not a total loss. Just the walls, part of the roof, our ceilings, insulation, cabinets, doors, windows, and a good chunk of our stuff.
The home we had remodeled for five months quickly turned into a total gut job. Awesome.
Fast forward seven months and we were able to move into our home again. This time everything was brand new and quite lovely.
We moved back into our house the exact same week that we bought our house last year, the last week of April. How is that for coincidence? Haha. It was the week after I turned THIRTY. I told Carter that I have now been “given” a house two years in a row for my birthday, so I have a pretty high bar for next year. Haha! Actually, to be honest, the only thing I would like for my birthday next year is to NOT move into ANY house!
We are home and we are so very happy.
We are settled, our house is decorated and every box is unpacked. Our garage is even cleaned out. (And some people don’t believe in miracles!)
We did it.
Our home is finished and quite beautiful. Did you hear that? FINISHED! Who knew that we would ever say that?!
It took us a LONG time to get here but we have arrived. We have had so many work days on this house, pre-fire and post-fire.
When the day finally came to move in, we had the kids stay the night with their grandparents and we finished moving into our house without telling them! Carter and I loaded the rest of our furniture and whatever I could fit into my van. (Why do I not think moving boxes are necessary??? Because I am an idiot. That's why.)
We unloaded our furniture, just the two of us, into our completely restored home. To be honest, we have dozens of people that would have been happy to help us with our FINAL move in, but it was therapeutic to do it ourselves. Well, for me at least. I loved bringing every single item into our home and deciding where it should belong.
We set up our furniture, made beds and set up the kids’ playroom. I wanted my kids to instantly feel at home when they walked in. No more being unsettled.
The next morning we brought them HOME. They were so surprised! It was amazing.
Within ten minutes, Mayliss had found the nail polish and was going wild with it. (Not surprising.) And within thirty minutes, Shep had gone missing. Upon doing a quick search, I found him alone in his bedroom with his Army guys scattered everywhere.
My heart was happy.
We were home.
We moved home at the end of April and I took a break from my writing and Social Media to focus on my family and getting us settled back into our normal lives. Whatever normal is?
Each day as I have organized and decorated I have tried to process the past year of our lives.
What in the world happened?
Things did not go as we planned. That's what happened. We had a plan, but our plan was taken from us. Without notice we found ourselves with a different path. We had no choice but to accept this *new plan*, but the process felt very disappointing. Funny enough, we actually became more excited with the new plan than our original one. Which is wonderful, but it did not make the experience any easier.
This past year was exhausting.
We had many moments of disappointment and discouragement. It was challenging and very stretching to feel so unsettled with our family of five for an entire year.
I have finally come up with the perfect word to sum up everything we went through this past year…
Life.
Life happened.
This is it. In all of its glory. Life brings us plans that we don’t want, but we have to take. I have learned that my life is much better if I choose to be appreciative of what I have instead of focused on everything I don't.
This life hands us things that we don’t expect and we didn’t ask for. We don’t get to pick what we are given, but we do get to pick how we play our hand. We may not always love what we have been dealt, but let's not forget to enjoy the game.
I will leave you with some pictures of our beautiful home...
Blessings my friends. -Haley
Losing Myself in the Performance
I was in sixth grade the first time that an acquaintance told me that she didn’t like me. Nothing had happened between us. Just me being “me” was enough to arouse in her a very strong feeling of frustration and annoyance, and she needed me to be aware of it.
I was eleven years old.
So, I guess I could tell you that it was also in sixth grade that I began to perform for the world to accept me. I began to try to be what other people wanted me to be...
I was in sixth grade the first time that an acquaintance told me that she didn’t like me. Nothing had happened between us. Just me being “me” was enough to arouse in her a very strong feeling of frustration and annoyance, and she needed me to be aware of it.
I was eleven years old.
So, I guess I could tell you that it was also in sixth grade that I began to perform for the world to accept me. I began to try to be what other people wanted me to be.
This was the first time that I was told that I rubbed people the wrong way, but this wouldn’t be the last. I have heard this statement repeated, in many various forms, since then. Not only whispered through the grapevine, but straight to my face.
Don’t be so loud.
Be friendlier.
Smile more, but don’t come off fake.
Don’t be so happy all of the time, it is annoying.
Don’t come off too ‘judgy’.
Wave at more people.
Don’t walk like you walk.
Talk more.
Talk less.
Don’t be so opinionated.
When I ask for advice, don’t act like you know everything. Just listen.
Sometimes you rub people the wrong way. Don’t.
You need to change because you being “you” is annoying.
I wasn’t exactly sure what everyone was wanting, but I tried to listen and make myself more of who they expected me to be. I began to live my life for them. Despite my best effort, it seemed that no one was even recognizing all of the “wonderful” changes I was making.
No one seemed to be noticing my modifications, except I was detecting something very scary. The more I tried to be who I thought everyone wanted, the more I compromised who I was. I could feel it inside of me. I was losing my passion for life and it started to scare me.
I was beginning to lose myself.
I had been told that being “me” was wrong, but it seemed impossible for me to be anyone else. So what is a girl to do? If I could only be myself or be what everyone wanted me to me? I was going to have to make a choice…
I chose to be me.
It is so easy to feel like we should be able to make everyone happy with who we are. For some reason, it feels important to listen to negative feedback and make changes. In some cases, it is important. When people I love and people who love me come to me with something, it is vitally important that I listen to them. I must hear what they are saying and where they are coming from. The people who love me, love me. They want the best for me and will speak to me in a way that allows me an opportunity to grow, but not to compromise the love I have for myself.
I no longer entertain the hateful comments casually said about who I am and I no longer listen to people who choose to shame me for being me.
And you should not listen to those who choose to shame you for being you.
You are a living, breathing, quirky, funny, awkward being who is different than every other living being on this earth. You have a distinctive way of expressing the things inside of you. The unique things inside of you are the very things that should be treasured and protected, not hid.
We are all under an immense pressure to perform to what others believe we should be. Let’s not live our life trying to please the people who just want us to be their puppet.
We are not meant to be a puppet.
I have lost myself at times in the performance. I have put forth way too much effort and time into performing for people that were never going to be happy with my dance.
When we try to do the dance that others expect of us, it exhausts us.
People will look at us and judge how we live. Let them look. Let them judge, but let’s not perform for them. Let’s not try to be anything. Let's just be us. I guarantee that some people will tell us that we are too much and some people will tell us that we are not enough; however, I am here to tell you differently.
You are just right.
Let them do their dance.
You do yours.
The world needs more people that are willing to live the life that they have inside of them.
We are waiting for you.
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Dear 2016, You Were Rough.
Dear 2016,
You were rough.
There is no way I could have predicted everything that you brought to my life. I’m not going to lie, you kind of exhausted me. In many ways I feel like you were a year filled with the time of ten years. I can hardly believe everything that I experienced in your mere twelve months of time.
You are a year that tested me in a unique way...
Dear 2016, you were rough.
There is no way I could have predicted everything that you brought to my life. I’m not going to lie, you kind of exhausted me. In many ways I feel like you were a year filled with the time of ten years. I can hardly believe everything that I experienced in your mere twelve months of time.
You are a year that tested me in a unique way. You were filled with both exquisite gain and surprising loss. You brought with you moments of abundant laughter and deep sorrow. You brought many challenges that I didn’t expect. I didn’t enjoy those, but of course, it is in our most challenging days that we are given the greatest opportunity to learn and to grow.
I owe you a debt of gratitude. For who I am today is not who I was before you came to me.
You took a great deal from me, but you also gave me some things of immeasurable value. You have given me a new appreciation for my life and those whom I love. Actually, you have given me a great appreciation for everything in my life.
You reminded me just how silly it is to be attached to “things” and how vital it is to value the people I have in my life.
I have learned in the deepest part of me to stop waiting for tomorrow to live.
You offered me many moments to show people grace, forgiveness and love.
You brought with you opportunities to be blessed in ways that I never expected to need a blessing.
You have taught me that even with the hardest work and effort, things sometimes just don’t work out.
You once again reminded me that life is not fair, and it is silly to focus on what is “fair” anyways.
You have shown me that joy truly does come in the morning; however, you also reminded me that the night can be long and very dark.
You gave me many opportunities to choose things that I didn’t feel but I believe to be true. You gave me opportunity to choose faith over doubt, hope over despair, and love over hate.
When I think back on you, I will look back at you with appreciation. You will always be a defining year of my life. You gave me many opportunities to determine who I really want to be in my life.
I am proud of the steps I have taken. I have walked many new places and tried many new things. I took risks. I didn’t “play it safe”. You gave me those chances, thank-you.
At times, I was not sure if you were my enemy or my friend, but you gave me the opportunity to live. Can I ever repay you for that?
So, 2016, I thank you. I am thankful for you, but it is time for you to go. It is now time to look forward to a new day.
Good-bye my friend,
Haley.
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Dealing with Discouragement
Discouragement can be so disappointing. I hate the days of my life that I feel discouraged. It is amazing how defeated I can feel! Check-out my blog post today about being discouraged...
Seriously, I have to do this again? I have to be here… again? I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be disappointed. I want to move on. I want to not care. But I do. I do care.
I am tired of feeling disappointed in this life.
I am tired of resenting my hope.
It is easy to resent hope because it is only after hope that I find myself disappointed. And shortly after disappointment comes discouragement. But I hate discouragement more than I hate disappointment. I hate being discouraged. I hate being overwhelmed.
I am a handler. I like to handle things, not to be handled by them.
I like to have strength, knowledge, and wisdom to deal with every obstacle that comes my way. I like to have a plan to proceed forward with finding success. And I enjoy having my to-do list that I can check off my small victories.
I like victories.
I don’t like to feel like I am losing. I don’t like to feel like I am falling behind. Isn’t it so easy to feel like we are falling behind? In a moment we can be hit with the revelation that we are lagging. We should be farther. We should be more. We should be better.
I hate these moments.
I hate the moments that tell me I should be more than I am.
That my life should be more than it is.
I hate the seconds of my life that discouragement tells me how to feel… and I listen. I hate it. I don’t want to listen to my discouragement, but at times it feels like the only voice I can hear. I try to quiet the voice and speak firm to my discouragement. Sometimes it happens so subtly that I fail to realize what is even happening. I fail to realize who I am listening to.
You see, discouragement tries to get me to sit down and stop. Discouragement tells me that I will never catch up and that in the end, I will lose anyway.
Discouragement tells me to quit.
I was telling Carter the other day that it is funny because I wouldn’t call myself a quitter; (I actually can’t think of anything at the moment that I have actually quit) however, I think about quitting things a lot.
One example of this is when I thought about starting a blog for years. Finally, last June I began to force myself to take action toward my goal. Funny enough, I “quit” my blog about six times before I even launched it. Haha! Carter would come home and I would tell him about the new thing that I was trying to learn, but I was pretty sure it was too hard and I needed to just quit. I would give myself a week or two and then get back at it to try again. It didn’t happen overnight, but six months later I launched myself a blog!
Even now, I will call Carter and tell him that I need to work on a blog post, but have come to the realization that I have nothing to say and don’t know why I have a blog. I give myself a moment… or a day and then I get back at it. Suddenly, I have something to say again and I wonder how I could have ever felt voiceless.
Truth is, quitting is not my style. It just doesn’t feel right to me. I guess I like breaks.
I am all about taking a break when things get tough.
Let’s not discount the very necessary experience of rest. Rest is perfect. If you are discouraged today, step back, breathe and rest.
Give yourself rest, but don’t quit.
Funny enough, discouragement often comes right before our greatest breakthroughs! Let’s not listen to the voice that tells us to quit because that voice cannot be trusted!
Let’s keep our heads up. We can do this!
-Haley
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Shame Is the Name of the Game
Have you ever been overwhelmed with shame? Have you ever felt shame for a choice or a mistake that you made? Maybe you have felt shame for not being the same as someone else? Or felt ashamed for being “you”? Have you ever felt like you aren't enough?...
Have you ever been overwhelmed with shame? Have you ever felt shame for a choice or a mistake that you made? Maybe you have felt shame for not being the same as someone else? Or felt ashamed for being “you”? Have you ever felt like you aren't enough?
Shame is interesting. When we are shaming someone else, we feel superior. We feel that we are better than them because “we would never do that” or “say that” or “be that”. When we experience shame within ourselves, it makes us feel inferior. “How can I struggle with this?” or “Why did I say that?” or “Why did I do that?”
Shame is woven into our culture. It is used in our marriages, friendships, parenting, religion, politics, workplaces… It is everywhere. I am particularly talking about how we use it to dishonor and disgrace people.
Shame has a strange way of connecting people together. Many people and cultures embrace the idea of shaming others. They value shame. Entire movements have been fueled by it. People love to join together and shame others for their choices.
Shame is one of the loudest voices in the world right now.
Why?
Because it works.
Shame is often used to manipulate people. It keeps people “in line” and is powerful enough to control behavior. When someone uses shame on us, it connects us to our deepest fear of being rejected.
“If I am not good enough, they will leave me.”
“If I don’t measure up, they will not love me.”
Shame is a mighty force, but shame can’t possibly compare to the power of love. Love gives grace and mercy to accept us in our current condition.
Love gives us security.
“I love you just as you are.”
Shame gives us a threat.
“If you don’t measure up, I will leave you.”
Shame is powerful, but let me warn you, it only has the power to put people in shackles. Shame loves to keep people enslaved with guilt. It keeps us afraid and confined. I wonder how many of us have been too afraid to be honest about our internal struggles because we are unsure if we will be loved once we are.
Shame keeps us in bondage.
Love gives us freedom.
Even if we decide we don’t want to live a life of shame, other people will try to give it to us. Some people don’t want to live without it. We cannot control the choices they make, but we can control the ones we make.
We must stop allowing shame to dictate our lives.
I have yet to meet a person who has arrived to the destination of “Perfection”. We must stop believing that we only have value if we are perfect. We must find a way to love the fact that we are a work in progress. Our value must not come from our degree of perfection, but from the fact that we are a human being.
It is vital that we get rid of the sliding scale that we use to measure people’s worth… including our own.
We are all on a journey, and this journey should not be treated with shame, but with appreciation. We should be grateful for the continual opportunity to learn, grow and become even more beautiful than we were yesterday.
We must not let the shame of who we have been keep us from the glory of who we are becoming.
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That Awkward Moment When... Someone Tells You They Don't Like You
How do you respond when someone tells you that they do not like you? Well... this has happened to me several times through my life and I finally have a solution for this awkward experience! Watch it here...
Counting My Blessings
The past five years of my life have been very difficult. I've been evaluating and asking myself how we've gotten through some of the hardest trials we've experienced. (Of course, besides the deaths of people we love that is a whole other category!) If I look over the past few years and focus on my disappointments I could come to the conclusion that life has really sucked. But the truth is, it hasn't.
Let me give you just a little background of where we've been...
“The following is a guest blog by my mom, Shelly. My mom is an extraordinary woman. She has taught me how to fight for my life. Literally, everything good in my life would not have been possible if it weren’t for the things that she has taught me. I felt it very fitting to ask her to be a guest on my blog. I couldn’t help but be moved with tears when I read it. She is an inspirational fighter and I consider it my absolute privilege to have been raised by her. Enjoy. ”
"Counting My Blessings"
The past five years of my life have been very difficult. I've been evaluating and asking myself how we've gotten through some of the hardest trials we've experienced. (Of course, besides the deaths of people we love that is a whole other category!) If I look over the past few years and focus on my disappointments I could come to the conclusion that life has really sucked. But the truth is, it hasn't.
Let me give you just a little background of where we've been...
I would consider us very blessed. I got married at 18 and my husband was 19. He stepped into a company that was started with family and it was very successful. Over the years, we acquired a lot… a lot of house, a lot of possessions and a lot of children. We had new cars and nice furniture, expensive clothes and a lifestyle of travel and fun. I never really had a budget… but probably should have!
I was able to be a stay at home mom and live the life of my dreams as I mothered my seven kids. We loved God, we were big givers and we were good people. I took care of my kids and we often opened up our home and took in other kids that needed a safe place.
Of course, in life there are many twist and turns so I will make this very long story short. Through many circumstances of life, family member deaths and a bad economy in February 2013 we lost pretty much everything we had acquired over 30 years of hard work and marriage.
Boom it was gone.
Our house, our company, our salary, our lifestyle was all taken from us. Our very hard fought fight to stay afloat had ended and we sat dumbfounded at what in the world was going to happen to us.
As I look back over that time I honestly don't know how we made it… but we did. It was absolutely overwhelming. I felt totally and completely unequipped to live this life with nothing. We felt too old to start over, but we actually had no other choice.
We live in a small town and everywhere I went I felt like literally all eyes were on me. It's quite the feeling when you are at your most vulnerable and you feel like everyone, real or imagined, is talking about your financial failures.
Though, I didn't have much time to worry about that because my family was either going to sink or swim.
We still had a senior and sophomore in high school and a fourth grader living at home. My husband was exhausted and broken. There were days I felt like I was having to give him CPR on the boat deck while my kids were in deep water barely keeping their heads afloat. As I would breathe one breath into my husband on deck I would smile and yell overboard to my kids, "Don't worry, we're going to be fine, keep paddling, you're doing great!"
I felt gripped with panic and fear of what was going to happen to us.
I felt great pressure for me to be the stabilizing factor to all my family who looked to me to tell them everything was going to be ok. I had always played that roll in our family, but this time the stakes seemed really high. The truth is there were many times I was scared to death. It felt like the whole ship of this family would sink to the depths if I didn't keep myself together.
What do you do when you need to look brave, calm and in control, but you feel you are so ill-equipped and in the most uncharted territory of your lifetime?
For me, I only knew one thing to do. Pray. It wasn't like this was a new lifestyle for me. I am a praying woman, but it was a desperate kind of prayer.
It was the kind of prayers that are whispered in the middle of the night and all through the day.
As always, my God was faithful to comfort me. In the beginning days I heard simple things like, "Breathe". I would simply stop and take a deep breath in. I would imagine I was breathing in peace and exhaling worry and fear. In the stillness of the night I would hear God say, "Everything is going to be all right".
I wrote the things that I had found out to be complete truths of God in my life.
1. God will never leave me or forsake me.
2. All things work together for good to those who love the Lord.
3. God has a plan for myself and my family.
4. God is faithful.
5. God loves us. (Even when we don't feel like circumstances are saying that.)
There were days I would have to read this list over and over just to get through the day. Each time, as I did this I found myself back at peace. It was the firm foundation I could come back to when I felt shaky. I felt like I had to be very diligent to do this daily and sometimes hourly.
Through this time, I learned some things from God and life that I believe are very foundational to help through times of crisis. After I became more stabilized I felt like I could begin to take some actions. These are some that helped me.
1. I had to purposely live in the moment.
Not just one day at a time, but literally one second at a time. No matter how hard it was I could not let myself be dragged from the moment I was living. I could find peace there. There was no peace in the past of why or how this had happened. There was certainly no peace in the thinking of the future. How were we going to live with no income? Where were we going to live? How will we provide for our children? How will we get health insurance for our handicapped daughter? You know… those kind of “little” nagging questions that can weigh heavy on your mind!
2. I counted my blessings.
Every day I wrote down our blessings. That old hymn I was made to sing over and over in church came rushing back. "Please turn to hymn number 237, Count Your Blessings". So I did. Every single day I read over what blessing I had written down the day before. Then, I wrote down the new blessings that had come. Some days my blessings were big, miraculous and awe inspiring. Other days they were barely there… like, we were still alive!!
3. Lastly, I made an absolute choice to not feel sorry for myself. I would not allow myself to play the victim.
As I look back, I stand in amazement that we have always had what we needed as we needed it. We've had our needs met which is miraculous in itself, but more amazing to me is that we have not just survived we have thrived. It doesn't make sense, but that is just how God works!
I have experienced joy on levels I have never experienced before. Peace is my companion in new ways that I have never had. Thankfulness and gratitude comes much more effortlessly.
Don't get me wrong, there are days when I call my close friends who have walked faithfully by my side through this dark, hard journey and I say overly dramatic statements that they know I don't mean. I question how long this "blessed teaching moment" will continue and are tempted to throw a little temper tantrum.
Don't we all love these character building moments in this journey we call life? Not really.....except when I look at the person I've become and realize that God's plan really might be better than mine.
Who knew??
Thriving Through Difficulty
I used to spend my life trying to stay on top of my problems. I used to try to avoid pain and difficulty. I used to find myself striving for perfection. Striving for happiness. No longer. I have now realized that this life is not about striving for perfection either within me or within my circumstances...
I used to spend my life trying to stay on top of my problems. I used to try to avoid pain and difficulty. I used to find myself striving for perfection. Striving for happiness. No longer. I have now realized that this life is not about striving for perfection either within me or within my circumstances.
I believe that so many of us are missing our full potential of this life because our goal is to “be happy and avoid pain”. The problem with avoiding pain is that there are parts of the healing process that feel painful. Growing and learning will never be easy. If we try to avoid pain, we will deny ourselves the opportunity to truly heal.
Our problems aren’t the problem. Our problem is that we allow our problems to dictate our happiness. If our contentment is based on our circumstances, our contentment will always be at risk of being taken.
Our circumstances should not be given the power to take our peace.
We must not view our circumstances as the problem. We can easily spend days, weeks, months and years of our life striving to rid ourselves of problems. The issue with living like this is that no matter how hard we try, there will always be another problem at our door. Always.
We must stop viewing our difficulties as our enemy.
Our difficulties are not what keeps us stuck, our inability to grow is.
We must begin to understand that healing in this life will come at a cost. It will cost us something to grow. It will cost us to let go of our expectations and choose to enjoy the life we do have.
There is such beauty in difficulty. Our difficulty gives us the opportunity to heal. Our difficulty gives us an opportunity to choose beauty even when we don’t see it.
Our challenges give us the opportunity to choose grace.
Our fears gives us the opportunity to choose faith.
Our discouragement gives us the opportunity to choose hope.
When we struggle we are given the opportunity to choose things that we don’t feel. We cannot underestimate the value of this experience. In a world that says we should never deny our feelings, it is a very powerful moment when we realize the best thing we can do at times is to deny our emotions.
We must go on the journey to find peace. A peace that passes understanding and is not blown to and fro by every wind. We must become strong and find a firm place to stand. We must not allow ourselves to be controlled by our outward circumstances, but our inward strength.
We must find a way to soar above the storm. We must find a way to thrive during difficulty. We must. Our life depends on it.
Finding peace is what this life is about. If you haven’t found it…
keep searching.
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