Having One Child Was Harder than Having Four

Motherhood is hard. Period. Whether you have one, two, or twenty children you will feel stretched to the max. However, I recently had my fourth child and I have been surprised by how easily our life has transitioned with our most recent addition. I have been thinking back to what life was like as a new mom and I can’t help but feel it has been easier to have four children than it was to have one.

Let me explain…

I know how I like to parent.

When I had my first child I sought a lot of advice. I quickly learned what works great for someone else doesn’t necessarily work for me. It took a long time to find my groove, but in time, I did. Now, I understand all of us parent very differently. What works for you may or may not work for me and that is perfectly fine!

I understand none of it lasts forever… actually, it all goes fast.

Our first child was a happy baby, but she didn’t like to sleep. I will never forget living in a daze for months wondering if this was going to be the rest of my life. Is this motherhood? Feeling like a zombie?

How are all these other moms walking around looking like normal people?

I felt so overwhelmed. Now I know that no matter how hard a stage is, whether it is a sleepless baby or a tantrum throwing toddler, none of it lasts forever. Actually, looking back, it goes very quickly which helps me not get so overwhelmed by frustrating stages.

Zipper pajamas.

Pajamas that zip, gripe water for hiccups, and muslin blankets, these are just a few of the things that I rely heavily on for my life with a baby. Simply put, I know the products I like and the systems I use to take care of my babies.

My life has not been turned upside down.

My life before kids was free of the chaos that children bring. After we had our daughter, our world was turned upside down. Crying, sleepless nights, bath times, and so many other changes came roaring into my life. After one child, I had to learn how I wanted to deal with all of these things. Eight years later, our life is still crazy, but we are no longer surprised by it! Adding another baby doesn’t seem so different.

I’m not alone. I have three helpers.

With our most recent child, our older children have been so helpful! They all love to help take care of their little brother. If each of them help me with ten small things a day, like putting their brothers pacifier in or getting me a diaper, that is thirty things I DIDN’T have to do! My oldest daughter has even been getting her brother dressed before school. She loves it and it is such a blessing!

I’ve learned its ok to still do the things I like to do.

For months after we had our first child, I felt consumed by motherhood. I honestly felt like I lost myself for a while. I often felt bad if I did things outside of being a mom. Now, I don’t feel bad. I have learned that it is not only helpful, but necessary for me to be a good mom.

I have passions and while my children are one of my greatest passions, they are not my only one.

I’ve learned babies cry.

Spoiler alert: babies cry. When I was a new mom, I felt every time my baby fussed or cried something must be wrong. I’ve learned, sometimes babies just cry. We can do our best to soothe them and meet their needs, but even the happiest babies will have moments that are hard to comfort and this is ok. This doesn’t mean anything about my mothering or if I have a good baby or not. It simply means, babies cry.

I know I’m a good mom and I’m don’t have to prove it.

Becoming a mom is stressful. Of all the things to fail at, I really didn’t want to fail at raising humans. I felt like I had to prove I was a good mom. Now, I get it. I don’t have to prove anything. I now know I am the best mom for my kids and I am a great one. Do I fail? Absolutely! But at the end of the day, I am raising amazing human beings and I have a built a confidence through the years that I didn’t have at first.

I don’t need this kid to be anything for me.

When I was expecting my first child, I had so many hopes and dreams. I wanted to have the perfect nursery, the perfect outfits, and the perfect child. See anything that might prove to be a problem here? Yeah, all of it. (Actually, her nursery was pretty perfect.) Obviously, no matter how much I tried, perfection was not going to happen. With my first, I put so much pressure and expectation on the experience. Now, four kids later, I don’t feel pressure, I feel free to enjoy the experience without the expectation for it to be perfect. I have “been there done that” and carry so much less pressure for my fourth sweet baby.

I don’t feel the need to keep it all together.

Motherhood is hard. No matter how long I do it and no matter how many kids I have there are moments I simply need to have a breakdown. I have to reach out to other moms for advice and support. Motherhood isn’t meant to be conquered, it is meant to be experienced. And that experience includes a lot of tears.

Motherhood is a crazy ride. Each year, heck, each day is a brand new adventure! I am no longer surprised by the chaos of it all. I know that some nights go as planned and some don’t.

Having four kids has a lot of crazy moments, but so does having one…

  Would you like to receive inspiring articles about relationships and life challenges straight to your e-mail? CLICK HERE!!!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

Comment below!

Home Sweet Home {One Year Later}

One year ago, today, our home caught on fire. 

Thankfully, it was not a total loss. Just the walls, part of the roof, our ceilings, insulation, cabinets, doors, windows, and a good chunk of our stuff. 

The home we had remodeled for five months quickly turned into a total gut job. Awesome. 

Fast forward seven months and we were able to move into our home again. This time everything was brand new and quite lovely. 

We moved back into our house the exact same week that we bought our house last year, the last week of April. How is that for coincidence? Haha. It was the week after I turned THIRTY. I told Carter that I have now been “given” a house two years in a row for my birthday, so I have a pretty high bar for next year. Haha! Actually, to be honest, the only thing I would like for my birthday next year is to NOT move into ANY house!

We are home and we are so very happy.

We are settled, our house is decorated and every box is unpacked. Our garage is even cleaned out. (And some people don’t believe in miracles!)

We did it.

Our home is finished and quite beautiful. Did you hear that? FINISHED! Who knew that we would ever say that?! 

It took us a LONG time to get here but we have arrived. We have had so many work days on this house, pre-fire and post-fire. 

When the day finally came to move in, we had the kids stay the night with their grandparents and we finished moving into our house without telling them!  Carter and I loaded the rest of our furniture and whatever I could fit into my van. (Why do I not think moving boxes are necessary??? Because I am an idiot. That's why.)

We unloaded our furniture, just the two of us, into our completely restored home. To be honest, we have dozens of people that would have been happy to help us with our FINAL move in, but it was therapeutic to do it ourselves. Well, for me at least. I loved bringing every single item into our home and deciding where it should belong.

We set up our furniture, made beds and set up the kids’ playroom. I wanted my kids to instantly feel at home when they walked in. No more being unsettled.

The next morning we brought them HOME. They were so surprised!  It was amazing.

Within ten minutes, Mayliss had found the nail polish and was going wild with it. (Not surprising.) And within thirty minutes, Shep had gone missing. Upon doing a quick search, I found him alone in his bedroom with his Army guys scattered everywhere.

My heart was happy.

We were home.

We moved home at the end of April and I took a break from my writing and Social Media to focus on my family and getting us settled back into our normal lives. Whatever normal is?

Each day as I have organized and decorated I have tried to process the past year of our lives.

What in the world happened?

Things did not go as we planned. That's what happened. We had a plan, but our plan was taken from us. Without notice we found ourselves with a different path. We had no choice but to accept this *new plan*, but the process felt very disappointing.  Funny enough, we actually became more excited with the new plan than our original one. Which is wonderful, but it did not make the experience any easier.

This past year was exhausting.

We had many moments of disappointment and discouragement. It was challenging and very stretching to feel so unsettled with our family of five for an entire year.

I have finally come up with the perfect word to sum up everything we went through this past year…

Life.

Life happened.

This is it. In all of its glory. Life brings us plans that we don’t want, but we have to take. I have learned that my life is much better if I choose to be appreciative of what I have instead of focused on everything I don't.

This life hands us things that we don’t expect and we didn’t ask for. We don’t get to pick what we are given, but we do get to pick how we play our hand. We may not always love what we have been dealt, but let's not forget to enjoy the game.

I will leave you with some pictures of our beautiful home...

Blessings my friends. -Haley

If you enjoy our posts, don't forget to SHARE on your favorite social media site!

BE SURE TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!