Shame Is the Name of the Game
Have you ever been overwhelmed with shame? Have you ever felt shame for a choice or a mistake that you made? Maybe you have felt shame for not being the same as someone else? Or felt ashamed for being “you”? Have you ever felt like you aren't enough?
Shame is interesting. When we are shaming someone else, we feel superior. We feel that we are better than them because “we would never do that” or “say that” or “be that”. When we experience shame within ourselves, it makes us feel inferior. “How can I struggle with this?” or “Why did I say that?” or “Why did I do that?”
Shame is woven into our culture. It is used in our marriages, friendships, parenting, religion, politics, workplaces… It is everywhere. I am particularly talking about how we use it to dishonor and disgrace people.
Shame has a strange way of connecting people together. Many people and cultures embrace the idea of shaming others. They value shame. Entire movements have been fueled by it. People love to join together and shame others for their choices.
Shame is one of the loudest voices in the world right now.
Why?
Because it works.
Shame is often used to manipulate people. It keeps people “in line” and is powerful enough to control behavior. When someone uses shame on us, it connects us to our deepest fear of being rejected.
“If I am not good enough, they will leave me.”
“If I don’t measure up, they will not love me.”
Shame is a mighty force, but shame can’t possibly compare to the power of love. Love gives grace and mercy to accept us in our current condition.
Love gives us security.
“I love you just as you are.”
Shame gives us a threat.
“If you don’t measure up, I will leave you.”
Shame is powerful, but let me warn you, it only has the power to put people in shackles. Shame loves to keep people enslaved with guilt. It keeps us afraid and confined. I wonder how many of us have been too afraid to be honest about our internal struggles because we are unsure if we will be loved once we are.
Shame keeps us in bondage.
Love gives us freedom.
Even if we decide we don’t want to live a life of shame, other people will try to give it to us. Some people don’t want to live without it. We cannot control the choices they make, but we can control the ones we make.
We must stop allowing shame to dictate our lives.
I have yet to meet a person who has arrived to the destination of “Perfection”. We must stop believing that we only have value if we are perfect. We must find a way to love the fact that we are a work in progress. Our value must not come from our degree of perfection, but from the fact that we are a human being.
It is vital that we get rid of the sliding scale that we use to measure people’s worth… including our own.
We are all on a journey, and this journey should not be treated with shame, but with appreciation. We should be grateful for the continual opportunity to learn, grow and become even more beautiful than we were yesterday.
We must not let the shame of who we have been keep us from the glory of who we are becoming.
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