Get A Vision for Your Life

It has become obvious to me that if we want to take the Adventure God has for us then we need to have some sort of idea where we are headed.

You need a vision for your life.

ASAP.

There truly is no need to wait any longer. You need to identify where you are going and what you are doing with the time you have on this Earth.

I think as Christians we struggle with living a broad approach to life. We are taught what our morals should be and then we just live. However, I would like to challenge this approach. I think we can do better. I think we should do better.

I wish that every single Christian could realize the vital importance of identifying where they believe God is calling them in this life and live very intentionally to get there. Not rushing ahead of God but being very aware of the great responsibility we have to take our time seriously.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not here to tell you to cause you to panic about your Christianity. That’s not my job.

My job is to encourage you to show up for the grand Adventure God created you for so that you don’t go to bed feeling like something is missing. I want to help you organize your life so that you don’t end up disappointed with your time on this earth.

So, first things first. Get a vision.

I want you for a second to think about being 90 years old. Perhaps you know that your life is nearing its end. What would it take for you to feel like you succeeded with the time you had?

What do you want to accomplish?

Who do you want to become?

What do you want your life with God to look like?

Now write the answers to your questions down. Write it anywhere you want, but then put it somewhere for you to look at… often!

We are all busy & it is easy to get distracted by the busyness of life and end up forgetting about our priorities. The answers that you have to these questions should be of the utmost importance for you to accomplish. When you look at your week right now, do you feel like you are sticking consistently with the priorities you have defined?

As humans, we have this bizarre way of thinking about our future selves as someone we will one day magically become or perhaps I should say, we think of our future life as something that will magically happen… but that’s not how it works.

You must build the life you are called to build. It isn’t going to just happen. It is you who must partner with God on this Earth to respond to the call He has put within you. It will take time. It will take sacrifice. It will take obedience. It will take failure. It will take persistence.

Creating the life you were born to create will without a doubt be the hardest thing you do… and it will be the one thing that is most worth doing.

God created you for a purpose. He put a plan in place for your life. This plan will not be forced upon you. It will be your job to fight to understand it, work to uncover it, and put the time into creating it.

Step 1. Create clarity by getting a vision of where you want to end up.

If you don’t have clarity, now is the time.

And don’t forget, the Earth is waiting for you to show up.

Want to go deeper? Listen to the podcast episode here:

Mastering the Art of Letting Dreams Die

I am passionate about dreaming in this life. I love happy endings and dreams fulfilled. However, there is a very real part of this life that involves learning to allow dreams to come to an end.

Sometimes our dreams die a slow peaceful death and sometimes they come crashing down without any warning they would be gone so soon.

When we are young, the sky can feel like the limit. We don't doubt what our life will bring to us because we are confident that our dreams will come to pass and things will go as planned.

And sometimes they do.

However, as we get older and our dreams become reality, we often realize how much disappointment comes along with our dreams. Life seldom goes exactly as we planned. At times, we find ourselves grabbing for scraps of our dreams that have been left over from our reality.

And then there are the times that our dreams are taken from us completely.

No scraps left to gather. No dream left at all.

Nothing left to manage.

I am a firm believer in redemption, but sometimes there is nothing left to redeem. Sometimes the dream is simply gone.

What then?

How do we move forward in life?

Here are the steps I take when it is time to let a dream die…

1. Acknowledge it is gone.

The first step is to acknowledge what has happened. Look at the situation and define it for what it is. See the loss and allow yourself to acknowledge the new experience you have to live.

Sometimes this is easy and sometimes this is the hardest part of it all.

2. Let it go.

Depending on the loss, this step alone can take some time. Losing something and letting go of it are actually two different steps. The loss comes first, often times, without our consent. Letting go is our participation in the loss. Letting go is our choice to say we are making a new way in our life without our dream.

3. Grieve it.

It's ok and GOOD to acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to feel the pain.

It is important to identify it and talk to someone about it. Even if it sounds silly or you don't think it will help, be sure to find someone you can discuss your loss with.

4. Find hope.

Depending on the depth of your loss, this could take some time. However, at some point, it is essential to discover hope again. Not hope that the dream will return, but hope for a new dream.

5. Decide how you will view your fear.

I have found that once I have chosen to hope again, I am always faced with fear quickly after.  Fear of losing my new dream and fear of having to walk the journey of loss once again.

Fear will tell us he is our protector and our friend, but he is not. His true intention is to keep us limited in our life and keep our dreams small.

You and you alone will define how fear directs your future.

Dreaming is a beautiful part of our life. Losing the dream is not so beautiful, but it is necessary to understand that once we have lost a dream we must walk the steps to grieve our loss.

If we don't, we may experience something worse than our lost dream... A life of no dreaming at all.

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Ten Keys to Experiencing Long-Lasting Love

There is nothing simple or easy about love. If you want to find love that lasts through the years, you will need to be ready to experience a lot of ups and downs.

I have been in a
relationship with the same man for 17 years.

No breaks.

No separations.

Let me tell you
some of the things that I have learned about love after being with the same man
for over half of my life.

Love doesn’t
always feel passionate.

I will never
forget the first time I looked at Carter and felt nothing. No passion. No
excitement. We were dating, and I almost broke up with him. By the next week my
feelings were back and felt stronger than ever.

Moral of the
story, it happens.

If you want to
be with someone long-term, understand that at times, it can feel quite mundane
and BORING!

To this day, if we are in a season that feels a tad dull, I almost get excited because I know with a little effort I can turn dull back into exciting passion. It’s like falling in love all over again, and I love it!

Make an effort.

In relationships
it is SO easy to be aware of everything your partner is NOT doing. But what are
you doing? Never stop making an effort to show them you love them.

Let’s be clear,
there is no magic formula that makes love fun. Your relationship will be what
you both decide it to be. It should not be any surprise that if you choose not
to prioritize your relationship it will show.

Your love will
be what you both choose to make it.

Find adventure
together.

What adventures
do you want to have in this life? Do you want to travel? Would you like to
start your own company? Do you want to have children? Do you want to adopt?

Talk about what
you want out of this life and then talk about it some more.

No matter what
adventures you choose, laugh and have fun as you live it.

Before you
commit to someone, be sure that you are on the same page on what you want out
of this adventurous life!

Don’t settle.

I never settled.
From the very beginning I knew what I wanted from a partner. I wouldn’t have
accepted anything less. I knew what my goals were for my life, and I
continually asked Carter if those would work for him.

Before you
commit to someone, it is very important to talk and talk A LOT. Do not
compromise too much because you may find that you resent them later for keeping
you from what you really wanted out of life.

Be honest.

In my opinion,
honesty is an absolute necessity for a relationship. Don’t want to live honest?
Not fair. Being in a relationship with a person who is not honest is like being
in a relationship with a shadow.

Choose to be
real. Be seen. Experience love.

Give them what
they need. Not what you need.

Find out what
makes your partner feel valued. Do that for them. Don’t love them how you want
to be loved, love them how they want to be loved.

Long lasting
love will involve heartbreak. Don’t be surprised, but don’t give up.

If you choose to
live life with another human for an extended amount of time, it will include
disappointment and heartbreak. We all have our issues and unfortunately, it is
not all that rare to find yourself feeling betrayed by someone you love.

You will never
find someone perfect. Choose to be with the person that is worth the hassle.

Believe in
Redemption. Believe in Restoration.

Value one
another.

Does this seem
like a stupid thing to put on the list?

Well, let me
tell you, it can be harder than you think to value someone after years
together. It is easy to get discouraged with the way your partner lives.

Honor your
partner.

Sure, they’ve
got their issues. I know. We all do. Find things that you love, respect and
admire and honor them for being who they are. Quirks and all.

Never stop
choosing one another.

Don’t stop
experiencing life together. Don’t stop talking about your hopes, goals and
fears.

Continue to
learn about yourself and continue to learn about one another.

Find enough
things to keep you connected. This doesn’t mean you do everything together, but
find a way that makes you both feel like you are on the same page and working
toward the same overall goals.

It take two to
tango.

Now this is
possibly the hardest part of a relationship. No matter what, it takes two.

Don’t get me
wrong, there will be times because of health, stress, or situations that one of
you may feel like you are putting in more effort than the other and that is
part of it.

However, no
matter the effort or desire of one person to make a relationship work, it truly
does take two. It doesn’t always have to be exactly equal or always fair, but
it does have to at least be two people who choose one another and choose to put
an effort into the relationship.

Love.

It is not what I
expected, but is way better than I ever could’ve hoped.

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7 Things Holding Us Back in Life

What if there is more to my life than what I am living? With all of my heart, I want to live the life that I am supposed to live while I am on this earth, but what if I miss it? What if I get to the end of my life, look back and think,

“My God, what did I do?”

This thought haunts me at times, never enough to leave me paralyzed, but enough to keep me moving. I want this life to matter. I want my life to matter. I want to challenge myself. I want to challenge others to keep moving forward. This life does have a purpose and that purpose is unique for each of us. It is vital that we get our head in the game. We get no second chances. We only get today, we only get right now.

What is holding us back from living our fullest life?

Fear

Fear keeps us living in the future. Fear tells us that our present moment is for preparing for, or worrying about, our next one. We need to have a strong stance against our fear.

 Fear will keep us stuck in a future that often never comes.

Fear keeps us fixated on our nightmares titled “what-if”. Make no mistake about it, our fear will steal our lives from us if we let it.

To live in the most dreaded fantasies of our future is to forget to live our present moment and to forget to live our present moment is to not live at all…

Shame

  Fear keeps us stuck in the future, but our shame keeps us stuck in the past. We all have a relationship with shame, some more than others. Our shame keeps a close eye on us. It is always there to remind us that we have failed and that we most likely will again.

Our shame keeps us tiptoeing through life and intimidated to live free.

We all have moments that we fail and then we all have those moments that we fear we may be a failure. During our moments of failing, we must hold fast to the belief that despite our falling short, we are not a failure. We must learn to offer ourselves grace.

Secrets

 Our secrets keep us isolated. No matter how many people we have living around us we will always be alone if we can’t find a way to live openly and honestly. Our secrets stay in the darkness whispering to us that we should always keep them protected.

Of course, we don’t want to tell the people that we love that we have ugly things within ourselves, but we must. It is imperative that we find a way to invite people into our darkness. Not everyone, but someone.

If we truly want to live free, we must find a way to live an honest life, no matter how much it scares us.

Lack of Self-Awareness

I am a full believer in self-evaluation. We need to understand ourselves. We need to understand our strengths, our weakness, and our brokenness. We need to own that we are made up of both beauty and ugly and that it is our job to sort through it all and own it all. It is our job to grow, it is our job to heal.

Blaming our life on our circumstances

This is perhaps one of the most common, yet most unacknowledged thing that is holding us back from our life. We believe that our problems in life are caused by our circumstances. We think that our work, our marriage, our friends, or our parents are the problem. NO. They are not our problem. Our circumstances are not the problem.

Our problem is that we do not know how to thrive through our difficulty.

We want someone to blame so that we don’t have to take responsibility. Even when life or people disappoint us, it is ultimately our responsibility to decide how it will affect our life moving forward.

Distractions

Wow. Right now in life, this is a big one. Our technology gives us an endless supply of distractions. In a life that seems to constantly be bustling around me, I often turn to my phone for an escape. I am fully aware that I have missed precious moments while I was looking for a distraction that never seems to satisfy.

We must seek to live present. Have time on social media, sure, but do so on purpose and not accidentally wasting large amounts of our lives in little chunks of time.

Seeking Validation

We are living in such an interesting time because we are constantly able to receive instant validation. Feeling down? Post a cute pic and instantly start receiving likes to remind yourself that you are awesome… or not.

At some point, we have to own our worth for ourselves. We cannot rely on other people, online or in real life, to give us our self-confidence.

If you want to live confident there are steps you will have to take and none of those steps involve someone else doing it for you.

There are many things that can keep us from living our best life, but my advice is to get real, live present, and push forward.

Don’t ever give up on the life that you want to live and the person that you want to be.

Besides, what else do you have to do?

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I Am Dedicated to Dying Without Bitterness

I have a lot of goals in this life. One of my goals is to die without bitterness.

Maybe you think this is a silly goal, but as I have gotten older, it is becoming more and more apparent how difficult this is going to be.

There are so many disappointing things that happen in this life.

As a child many of us believed that the sky was the limit. We looked at adulthood with longing, because we thought it would be filled with freedom. It seemed clear that our adult life would be the place that all of our dreams would magically come true.

We couldn’t wait to grow up.

However, as we enter into adulthood our hopes can quickly be met with a harsh dose of reality.

Adult life can feel quite monotonous and disappointing.

Our timeline for things like promotions, marriage or children is often different than we hoped. Our career can feel suffocating or stagnant. The money doesn’t always pour in like we expected. Married life is not always the honeymoon we thought it would be and parenting can often be more exhausting than we imagined.

Friendships can be difficult to maintain through the years. Unfortunately, some of our relationships become lost altogether.

And then there are the seasons of life that utterly break our heart and almost break us completely.

It is easy to become cynical.

Without even realizing it, our disappointment can lead us to embrace bitterness. Not all at once, but a little bit at a time.

The way I see it, I have two options:

to own my bitterness or refuse it.

To be clear, I know that bitterness comes with many benefits.

When I am hurt, I can use bitterness as an “off” switch. It allows me to hold onto my expectations and resent the way that things turned out. I can then move forward without processing my disappointment, grieving or forgiving anyone.

Bitterness can be quite comforting when I don’t want to walk through the healing process.

Becoming bitter can happen quite naturally, but it comes at a high cost.

Yes, it gives me a free pass not to heal, but it also keeps me stuck in the pain of my experience. My disappointments will forever have a hold on me until I choose to process them.

I am dedicated to living a life without bitterness.

The way I see it, it is a priority for me to master being disappointed. Not because I enjoy disappointment, but because I want to live free.

Freedom.

The freedom I sought as a child is the very thing I am longing to protect.

My freedom to dream.

My freedom to hope.

The freedom to be me genuinely and not hardened by life.

I will not take responsibility for everything that happens to me in my life, I will take full responsibility for what I do with it.

Bitterness is not for me, that is for sure.

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Look at Me Go!!!.. And Watch Me Fall.

I used to be so afraid of failing. So much so that it actually kept me from trying new things.

Not anymore.

I now realize that failure is nothing to fear. What we should really be afraid of is listening to our fears.

Our fears are merely failures that have never happened and often never do.

Why should I spend my life fearing all of my possible failures when I could live my life to the fullest and learn to manage the ones that actually occur?

My fear tries to tell me to stop moving forward and that the risk isn’t worth the reward.

That’s ridiculous.

I now understand that I shouldn’t be afraid of the fall, but I should be deathly afraid of standing still.

I actually have a few words for fear...

“Dear Fear, I won’t stay hidden.

I will no longer whisper because of you. You try to intimidate me from living, but I’m not a person who takes intimidation lightly. I’m not going to hold back one ounce of the life within me.

I have things to say. I have things to do.

I have given you power in the past, but you will never control me again. I am here to be seen. I am here to be heard.

I am not sure where I am headed, but I know I am moving forward. With each day, I find myself growing stronger. With each attack, I’m getting smarter. With each obstacle, I’m gaining wisdom. Every single thing in my life that has come to tear me down has made me stronger. The obstacles I once feared are now on my list of gratitude.

You try to sell quitting as if it will make me free. Quitting will not make me free, it will keep me stuck.

I am no longer afraid of what lies ahead, but of not finding out. I am no longer afraid of you. I am only afraid of what my life will be if I listen to you.

Of course, I still hear you try to intimidate me, telling me that I don’t have it in me, telling me to simply quit now before I fail, taunting me that doomsday is right around the corner.

All of this time, you seemed so real and scary. You talked as if you knew the future and you were only preparing me for the doomsday to come. But now I get it. You are actually afraid of me. You are afraid of what I may become. And you should be.”

-Haley

Hear me now, anyone in the world who may be reading this, keep an eye on me.

Because I am blazing forward and if there is anything I have learned about me trying to run forward it is that I am inevitably going to fall flat on my face.

So if you are someone who likes to watch a good fall, keep a close watch on me.

Because I can guarantee you this, I am moving forward.

I will fail.

I will fall.

And then I will get myself up, brush myself off and blaze forward again.

All the while yelling, “Look at me go!”

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Five Crazy Things That I Learned From Mom

Most of us are blessed with amazing women as moms. I am no exception. I am one of seven children and each of us will tell you that our mom had a major role in shaping who we are today.

My mom is a straight shooter who tells it as she sees it. She goes against a lot of what the world says today is “good parenting” and let me tell you that I am forever grateful for that. She was very involved in each of our lives but challenged us each step of the way. She never viewed it as her job to make life easy for us, but to equip us for this life.

Without my mom, I would not be who I am today, here are a few of the lessons she has taught me through the years.

We are not what we do

My mom constantly told us that our achievements did not define us. She actually warned us that finding great success can confuse us to where our real value should be found. For instance, my older brother played sports from the time he was three through college. I heard her say his entire life. “You are not what you do.” She even encouraged my sister who got amazing grades not to put her value in it.

My mom firmly believes that our value will never be safe if we base it on our achievements. She constantly encouraged all of us not to take our achievements to our heart, but to find our value in who we are, not what we do.

The World doesn’t revolve around me

I am one of seven kids. My parents were often unable to make it to every activity or achievement of mine because my siblings had conflicting activities. I, of course, had moments that I wished they were there, but over time I really embraced the reality that the world did not revolve around me.

I learned to value the things that other people had going on in their lives.

All of us kids understood there were only two of our parents and seven of us. If any of us ever complained about my parents not being there, we received very little sympathy. My mom expected us to know that we were important even if they were unable to make it to each event we had. Many people may feel this is sad, but to be honest, it is one of the things I value most about growing up with many siblings.

Intentions Matter

When we were growing up, my mom constantly challenged our “why”. Why were we doing what we are doing? We were constantly confronted about our intentions, not our actions.

Good grades, behaving, and doing well in sports, didn’t cut it for my mom. Whenever my mom felt suspicious, she called us out on it. Even for our “good” behaviors, she asked us about our motives.

I often felt she was blowing things out of proportion. But as I have gotten older, I realized that she wasn’t blowing things out of proportion. She was hitting the nail on the head. I hated it at the time, but only because she was usually right.

Differences should be celebrated

My family is filled with strong, opinionated, talented people. We are all different heights, with different looks, different strengths, and different weaknesses. This gave each of us plenty of opportunities to feel inadequate. My parents were not shy about celebrating our strengths and being honest about our weaknesses.

My mom loved that we were all different and encouraged us to embrace it. She still often talks about how much she loves our differences.

Embrace truth

My mom has zero desire to live in a La La Land and tends to highly offend people who value that lifestyle. As I have gotten older, it is one of the things I absolutely love most about her.  She calls it like she sees it and she sees it differently than most.

Even when I disagree with her, I appreciate her perspective. She sees the world in a unique way and I have learned a lot from her view.

I love you, mom. Thank you so much for who you are and all of the things that you were determined to teach us. I hope to do just as good as you in my attempt to raise a handful of human beings.

Wish me luck.

 

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Finding Confidence in a Surprising Place

I have a very outgoing personality. Most of the time, I naturally feel confident.

But through the years, I have learned that having an outgoing personality is not the same thing as being confident with who you are.

When life was going well, I felt confident. However, when I encountered circumstances that made me feel inadequate or insecure, I felt extremely aware of my negative qualities. In those moments, I felt ashamed and I lost my confidence.

How real is my confidence if it can be taken away by mere circumstance?

I wanted more.

For a long time, I thought the reason I struggled with confidence was because I possessed too many negative qualities. I tried hard to get rid of my “bad” qualities by working to grow my “good” qualities.

I thought that in time the good would eventually take out the bad, right?

Even after lots of effort, something would happen and my bad qualities would come and smack me in the face.

UGH!

I hated my faults. I viewed difficult circumstances as my enemy. I also became very defensive if anyone hinted that I was inadequate.

When my whole goal was to be perfect, it felt very personal when someone pinpointed my imperfection.

However, there was a major problem. I am far from perfect.

FAR.

In my life, I have been lazy, inconsiderate, selfish and self-centered. I have been rigid and defensive. I have been manipulative.

I have had many times of being flat “wrong”. I have projected blame on others when the blame lied with me. I have been quite blind to myself and have had an entitled attitude.

I have not always been a good friend. I have forgotten things I shouldn’t have and held on to things that I should’ve let go.

I have had many awkward moments where I find myself doing quite idiotic things. I am easily distracted and I can be weirdly paranoid. I am disheveled and forgetful. I often run late.

I can be a little “much” for some people.

It is common for me to speak before thinking and I often say stupid things. At the same time, I can overthink simple things.

I used to be utterly ashamed of these qualities.  I hated each and every one of them for making me feel so unlovable. I thought if I worked hard my "bad" qualities would eventually go away..

Makes sense, right?

Wrong.

I wasn't becoming confident. I was learning to hide. This was not my goal.

 I had to stop acting like I wasn’t broken. Whether I liked it or not, I was. It was time to face myself. The real me. It was time to decide if I really wanted to grow confident.

I was never going to find confidence until I embraced my brokenness.

I did not embrace these qualities to defend them. I embraced them so that I could accept them, I accepted them so that I could sort through them, then I sorted through them so that I could find healing.

Through years of learning to embrace my brokenness, I have experienced so much healing. I am more honest and authentic than I ever have been.

Who would’ve guessed that the key to finding confidence would not be in my perfection but my imperfection?

Not me.

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Breakdowns Often Lead to Breakthroughs

Breakdowns are not the most enjoyable experience, but they happen to us all. Well, at least they happen to me. Recently, I had quite the breakdown...

I had been feeling overwhelmed for months. I kept trying to find my way out of this feeling, but I couldn’t seem to.

It all felt confusing and slippery. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on what was really bothering me. I tried to talk about it, but it didn’t seem to help. Until one night when my emotions collided with my circumstance and I finally felt the dam break loose. I sat on my couch, crying to my husband.

I cried and talked and cried some more.

As I talked, our kiddos were going wild, our doggie was ringing her potty bell and I was painfully aware that every hamper in our house was overflowing with dirty laundry.

I felt more overwhelmed as I seem to be unable to even have an uninterrupted breakdown.

My voice cracked and I closed my eyes.

I felt ashamed and I wanted to stop talking. I have said a lot of hard things to Carter in my life and these were by far not the most difficult. However, even after years of living vulnerably, it is still sometimes hard for me to share some of the intimate places within myself… especially when I feel like it sounds silly or overdramatic.

No matter how silly I felt, I knew I had to keep talking. As I continued, I finally felt I was uncovering the real reason I was feeling overwhelmed.

The fog felt like it was lifting and I felt like I could see clearly what was really happening within me.

I started to feel better.

 Relief.

I have spent years learning how to process through my experiences and emotions in order to move forward in my life. Putting words to my frustrations, fears, anger, and shame has been vitally important and most helpful.

When I speak my fears out loud it helps me put them in perspective. Talking them out helps me pinpoint thoughts and mindsets that need to be corrected.

Understanding who I am is a huge priority in my life. I want to understand my struggle, but ultimately I want to conquer it.

I am always looking to grow from who I am to who I could be and breakdowns are the perfect opportunity for self-evaluation. My unfiltered emotions reveal things within me that are typically buried deep. Stressful circumstances are a great opportunity to sit back and listen to myself.

From my experience, the biggest breakdowns have the potential to give way to the greatest breakthroughs. It doesn’t always feel the most pleasant, but can pay off big time.  

Don’t fear the breakdown. Find someone who is safe to breakdown with. Let them love you. Let them listen to you, but more importantly, listen to yourself. Say the things that you feel, even if they are ridiculous.

Not to give your emotions the power, but to take the power back from them.

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Our Intentions Matter... A Lot

Have you ever done the right thing for the wrong reason?

I have.

Growing up, I was taught that my intentions were just as important, if not more, than my actions.  However, I did not fully embrace this teaching.

It was easy for me to convince people, including myself, that my motivations in life were pure. However, my intentions were often fueled by more than I was willing to admit.

I was filled with the need to prove something to the world, but ultimately, I wanted to prove something to myself.

I was scared. I was scared of making a mistake. I was scared of failure. I was scared of rejection. I was scared of losing control. And to top it all off, I was ashamed of all of these things.

I felt like I should be more than I was.

And I was afraid that someone would find out.

It was not natural for me to question my own intentions. That is until one day, I decided to walk away from the façade and reconcile my internal motivations with the outward perception I had created.

The last several years, I have been on a journey to purify my intentions. I now live in a constant place of evaluating my motivations daily.

Why am I doing what I am doing? Why am I saying what I am saying?Am I feeling ashamed? Am I feeling hurt? Am I being dishonest? Am I being hurtful?

Am I looking for people to accept me? Am I looking for someone to validate my worth? Am I looking for people to approve of my choices?

Am I afraid of possible conflict? Am I afraid I may disappoint someone?

I am no longer trying to prove anything, but trying to understand myself.

I am dedicated to understanding who I am and what motivates me in this life. 

The reason why we do the things we do is of utmost importance. Our intentions are the very thing that is fueling our choices. What would happen if we were all honest about our intentions?

Perhaps we should start with being honest with ourselves.

Our why matters. It matters a lot.

Are we being fueled by jealousy, insecurity, fear, anger, hate, comparison, or shame? What is our motivation? What is our intent?

Doing good things in this life is wonderful, but better than doing good things is doing them for the right reason. If we want to truly find freedom, we will have to come face to face with our real intentions.

 It is our responsibility to own our intentions.

No one can choose this journey for us. We have to demand ourselves to be honest with who we are, motivations and all. Not to feel ashamed, but to grow.

Whether we want to change them or not, we must face our intentions and own them. Make no mistake about it, if we do not own them, they will, in fact, own us.

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Letting Life’s Problems Change Me… For the Better

Recently, I was talking to a friend and mentioned to her that I am always looking to change. I hope to be a very different person in a year than I am today.

I said it without thinking a thing about it until she stopped me and asked,

“You want to change?”

Do you ever say things and not think about them until someone calls you out for saying it? I do all of the time. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I whole-heartedly believed and agreed with the statement I made.

I want to change.

 I want to constantly be growing, learning and becoming something more amazing than I was before.

This is a far cry from the way I used to live. Actually, it is a complete 180. I used to feel so attached to who I was. I didn’t want to change. In fact, the mere thought of it made me feel insecure. Heaven forbid, someone suggest it.

I was so utterly afraid of needing improvement that it kept me from growing.

This mindset kept me stuck. But not anymore.

I am now dedicated to learning who I am and facing it. Brokenness and all.

Everything in my life is now an opportunity for me to grow. I am learning to maneuver through my perceptions that have kept me from growing in the past

I now view conflict as an opportunity to learn about my brokenness instead of merely accusing the other person of being all of the problem.

I have learned to listen to the things that I say about other people when I am frustrated. I have realized that often times what comes out of my mouth says more about me than it says about them.

I no longer blame my unhappiness or frustrations on anyone else. I have chosen to take ownership and responsibility for my life.

I have embraced the very real fact that sometimes I am just flat wrong.

I give more grace, not just to others, but to myself.

 I allow my circumstances to grow me. I am embracing the true journey of this life. Not just a journey to my next achievement, but the journey of discovering who I am capable of being.

I am finding redemption.

I understand that I am beautiful, but I’ve got a lot of mess on top, around and within this beauty. I am dedicated to the process of unraveling, unveiling and redeeming this whole beautiful mess.

I want freedom and I don't want anything in this life to keep me from finding it.

Including myself.

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Learning to Be a Bully

I have been working on my ability to be a bully. I know what you are thinking, “Haley, it is not good to be a bully.” And for the most part, I agree with you.

I don’t believe in bullying people. Ever. I don’t believe in demeaning people and I believe that all people deserve to be valued.

However, this is an exception to that rule. In my opinion, this guy is the biggest bully I know and he deserves to be bullied in return.

In fact, he has probably tried to bully you too.

Do you know him?

His name is Fear.

To be honest, we weren’t always enemies. There was a time in my life that I actually thought we were friends. I trusted him to help guide me in my life. He would tell me what I should and shouldn’t do and I would obey. 

I thought he was protecting me.

I thought he was watching out for me and my best interest. I heard his concerns and I obeyed his commands. He ruled me.

Fear was the god of my life that I never realized I had.

I thought we were partners making decisions together until I recognized that I was never allowed to disagree with him. It was always his way or the highway.

The partnership I thought we had was actually a dictatorship.

He controlled me and he began to turn me into someone I never wanted to be. My life began to feel like it was slipping from my fingers. I was losing myself.

I had to take a stand.

So I did.

I put him in his place and told him how I felt. I wasn’t going to take his crap anymore. When I started walking away, he got mean. He began to taunt me and tell me that I wouldn’t make it without him.

He began to bully me.

How could I have ever thought this jerk was my friend?

He was not my friend.

As I continued to defy him, I was able to see his true intentions. All this time, I thought he was holding me back from death and he was actually holding me back from life.

His intentions were to take everything from me without me even knowing he had.

I was done with his manipulation. However, it wasn’t that simple. I was unable to get his voice completely out of my life, so I had to learn how to make choices for my life without considering his input.

To this day, when he tries to invite himself back into my life, I put him right back where he belongs.

In the corner. Out of my way.

We have a mutual understanding. He taunts me and I taunt him right back. He belittles me and I belittle him. We bully one another, yet I have learned that I hold all of the cards.

Every time he attempts to interfere with my plans, I look him in the eye and remind him that he resides in the corner of my life.

He is allowed to talk, but only because I haven’t quite figured out how to muzzle him yet.

To tell you the truth, I don’t even mind him in the corner so much. I like to look him in the face, tell him what I am going to do and then make him watch.

Fear is no longer my dictator, but he is merely a spectator to all of my awesomeness.

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My Major Misunderstanding of Love

I used to think that the words “relationship” and “love” could be defined as the same, but they are not the same at all. Understanding the difference between having a relationship and experiencing love has been life altering for me. 

Relationships are a mutual choice between two people to experience life together.

Love is the choice of one person to value another.

Relationships must be experienced by two.

Love is given by one.

I used to be a person of very conditional love. It was common for me to lower people’s value based on my perception of them and their choices. 

Which is quite interesting considering I have spent my entire life dedicated to a faith based on love.

For the past decade, I have been growing my capacity to love and I am quite pleased to say that I am now able to offer love to even the most frustrating of persons.

My ultimate goal?

Unconditional love.  

I have been through a lot with people through the years and I get it.

People suck.

They do.

People lie. People cheat. People steal. People can’t be trusted. People hurt us. People betray us.

I’m not here to tell you otherwise.

I’ve been there. Heck, I’m there today.

I get it.

But I am all in.

 I have two feet planted deep into the battle to love and I have the scars to prove it.

I am talking about loving bigger than feelings and experiencing something deeper than mere pleasantries.

I am talking about living in the trenches and fighting for a cause that I believe in.

I am talking about choosing to value those who have disappointed me, respecting those who disagree with me, blessing those who curse me, forgiving those who have betrayed me, and loving those people who have rejected me.

My decision to love has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. However, it is that very decision that has caused me the most pain and disappointment in my life. 

But no matter the cost, I will love. Period.

I love because I have been given love and it has changed my life.

Does that mean I have the same relationship with everyone? Absolutely not. Relationships require mutual admiration and respect. Love does not.

Despite popular belief, my ability or inability to value someone does not define them... but it does define me.

I now understand that love is not an easy way out.
Love is my only way free.

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Learning to Fail

Recently, I was talking to Carter and was anxiously telling him about a failure. You know those moments that you are face to face with the inevitable fact that you have failed something or someone?

Ugh! I HATE those moments.

I do.

I was worked up and nervously talking away. When all of the sudden Carter stopped me, put his arms around me, looked me in the eyes and said two amazingly perfect words.

“Be Free.”

He continued to tell me that it was fine, that I was fine and that I had to learn to let these things go.

It was fine.

I was fine.

For the past decade of my life, I have been trying to learn how to fail and after ten plus years, I still don’t know exactly how to do it. Of course, I can fail. Failing is inevitable, but I am still learning how to fail well.

How can I still be here after so many years of believing in grace?

How is it possible that I am still so affected by my failure? Why are my limitations, mistakes, and misunderstandings so scary to me? I have come so far, but I still have a long ways to go.

In the past, when I have failed, I felt the need to cover up my failure and hide my mistakes. At the same time, I would defend my value as if it was something that needed defending. 

During my failure, there was always a little voice taunting me... What if my fears are true? What if my fail is a sign that I not only failed, but I am a failure?? But worse, what if I am a failure who is destined to fail forever?

What if I not only got it wrong but what if I am wrong?  What if I don't just make mistakes. What if I am the mistake? 

(insert tear.)

Several years ago, I became quite aware that my fear of failure could have the potential to steal my entire life from me. I rallied myself, gathered some peeps around me to help me stay on track, and I went forth into the world determined not to let my fear of failure steal from my life. 

I really don't enjoy failure. I am more of an enjoyer of success. Success is fun, but I don’t believe that we learn jack squat during our successes. Now our failures are a different story... our failures are full of opportunities.

Our failures show us our fears.

Our failures show us our weaknesses.

Our failures give us an opportunity to experience grace.

Do not get me wrong, I still do not enjoy failing, but I have learned to value the process. Learning to fail has taught me a lot about who I am and the fears that are within me. I have and will continue to fail. And that's ok.

We must embrace the role that failure will play in our lives.

Our goal should not be to not fail.

Our goal should be to learn how.

My fails still bother me at times, but no matter how hard I fall on my face I choose to be kind to myself. I evaluate my intentions and determine if they need any correction. If they do, I own it. When I struggle to have grace for myself, I ask someone to help me move forward without shame.

Perhaps the greatest change I have made is that I no longer act like it isn't happening. I face it so that I can learn from it. I choose to grow instead of choosing to remain the same. I own my issues. I own my mistakes. 

I own my failure.

I choose to heal and move forward fully knowing that I will fail again, but no longer allowing it to keep me from living the life I was meant to live.

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If You Need to Judge Me Then Do What You Must

I hear the things that you have said and I understand that you would like me to be different. I hear you, but it seems that you are incapable of hearing me because you are too busy judging me.

If you need to judge me then do what you must. Not that long ago, I would’ve judged me too.

You don’t know what I’ve been through. You do not understand why I am who I am. You don’t know what my journey has cost me. You don’t know the tears that I’ve cried or the fears that I’ve fought. You don’t understand all the times that I have chosen to grow and I have chosen to learn.

I used to feel so afraid of you and your disapproval.

It used to take my breath away and choke me as if it could kill me. I used to do things for you… so that you would approve of me… so that you would love me.

And then I stopped.

I had to.

I realized that even with the best of trying I couldn’t make you happy. I couldn’t be everything you wanted me to be.

I had to stop running after you and the disappearing vapors of your approval because I realized in the chase for your endorsement I was losing myself.

I believe you want the best for me and you feel you know what that is. Thank you, but it seems that you are incapable of loving me without very specific requirements of who I must be. Thanks for the offer, but I am gonna have to say “no thanks”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying “no thanks” to you. I am saying “no thanks” to the burden of your expectations.

I would love for you to be a part of my journey, but I will not base my life choices on the critical words that I hear from you. I will not base my value on your sliding scale of interpretation.

I say that without hate or malice. I mean you no disrespect. I value you, but I can see clearly that you struggle to do the same for me.

So I release you.

I no longer need you to approve of me. I no longer need you to validate my worth.

Why?

Because I have found it for myself.

I know you feel it is your job to measure my performance and my worth, but I assure you, it is not. 

I release you from loving me in a way that you are unable to. I will no longer expect you to understand my heart.

I will no longer expect you to trust my intent.

 I will move forward with the understanding that at least for now, you are unable to love me without conditions. I will choose to love you right where you are despite your inability to do the same for me.

And that’s ok.

I have grace for you to be where you are. I give you grace not because of who you are, but because of who I am, because of the journey that I have taken…

the very journey that you fail to understand.

-Haley

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Living the Dream, One Nightmare at a Time

If you would’ve asked me when we got married what our lives would look like in a decade I would’ve said something like this…

I saw Carter and I married with a handful of kiddos, both through pregnancy and adoption.

We would be living outside of a small town, with a bit of land and owning a pet or two.

We would have travelled the world.

 I would be staying at home with my kids, possibly working a day or two outside the home. I thought Carter would be working in the finance world and I hoped that he would enjoy his job.

Of course, I planned on being more in love with my husband than ever.

You want to hear something crazy?

 Every single one of the things that I hoped for my life is my reality.

However...

Even though so many wonderful things have happened, I can honestly say that in the past decade there have been so many things that I did not expect to be part of our journey.

I never expected to come home one day and find that someone had broken into our home. Stealing several thousands of dollars’ worth of memories.

I never expected to wake up one morning and realize my house was quickly becoming an island. We had minutes to get out of our house. One car already totaled from the water.

I never expected our house to catch on fire.

I never realized how many days would be dedicated to the broken appliances and a car that needs to go to the shop.

I never anticipated our dog getting hit by the car and the kitties running away.

I never expected Carter to lose his job after the recession hit.

I sure never saw the friendships that would be no longer.

I never expected to take it so brutally hard when we had our failed adoption.

I didn’t expect the whole parenting thing to be so challenging. I never expected so many tears to come with it, both from my children and myself.

I didn’t realize how many different seasons you experience as a married couple. The moments where you look into each other’s eyes and question one another’s actions, intentions or love. I never thought that I would have days where I really questioned the whole gig.

I never realized that there would not just be hard days… but there would be hard years.

You see, when I looked ahead at my life I saw all the moments of the mountaintops. I didn’t see the valleys.

I saw all of my dreams coming true… but I never realized that the same life that would make my dreams come true would be the very life that brought forth my nightmares.

My friends, life is both extremely wonderful and extremely difficult. We have moments on the mountaintops and moments on the valleys. I don’t think we need to fear the valleys, but I do think we need to understand that they will be part of our journey to the top.

If you find yourself in a valley today. Keep your head up. Try to find beauty right where you are. Where you are today, is not where you will always be, but where you are today is part of the journey to where you are going.

And that my friend, is a beautiful thing.

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A Few Words for the Girl In that White Dress

Get ready for your adventure to begin. You are beginning a long voyage and there is no way to prepare you for what lies ahead. Your life may turn out to be everything you expect or nothing that you predict, or perhaps it will be both, all rolled up into one glorious experience.

I would like to encourage you to let go of some of your expectations. You are predicting a fairy tale when your life will feel more like a rollercoaster.

You will have tough times ahead. It's ok. Every marriage does. Hold your head up. You are strong enough to do this.

Stop thinking you will do this perfect. You can’t. You will fail. It’s ok. Take a breath. Failure is full of opportunity if you let it unfold. Don’t hate your failure. Hate your fear.

Don’t listen to those who come only to tear you down, including those thoughts inside of yourself. They come only to keep you intimidated from unlocking your full potential.

People will look at you and judge how you live. Let them look. Let them judge. But don’t perform for them. Don’t try to be anything. Just be you.

You will doubt yourself but don’t for long. 

Press on and don’t stop. Ever. 

Stop looking around for other people to tell you that you are worthy. Stop it! You are worthy. It is not your husbands’, friends’, families’, or anyone else’s job to give you worth. You must find it yourself and own it. No one else can give it to you.

You are a wife now, you are not a trophy. You were not meant to be put on a shelf or in a box. You only need to be you. You are enough.

Remember to never compare your life to those around you. Your life will never look like “their” life. Ever. You can’t be them. You suck at being them. (Just trust me on this.) You, be you. It is the only person you can rock. So rock it.

Your life can be every bit of adventure that you predict; however, your adventure will be lived through the years of time. Your days may feel long, but your years will fly by.

Marriage is often entered with the thoughts of companionship, but there are days that marriage can feel very isolating. Don’t stay in isolation for long. Life must be lived with others. Don’t allow yourself to stay in seclusion. Reach out. Please. Seek support. 

Be resolute in not living a life full of secrets. It is not worth it.

Marriage can feel beautiful, wonderful, exhausting, difficult, horrible, exciting and can be the absolute best experience in this life. If possible, don't give up.

I pray that your husband is a kind, respectful, honest partner for you to live beside. However, no matter who he chooses to be. Remember not to lose yourself in your partnership. Never allow yourself to disappear. You are essential to this world.

We need you to be you.

Much love and many blessings, Haley

My Life As a Mom is Slowly Flying By

I was 38 weeks pregnant when a scheduled C-section made me a mom. It was a beautiful Thursday morning in the Ozarks. Although I had not quite carried her full term, I felt more than overdue. I was ready to be a mom. It seemed that my entire life had led up to this point. I was ready to hold my baby. Up to that moment, she had only resided within me, but with a quick spinal block and a full surgical team, they pulled her from my womb.

And just like *that* she changed my world.

I remember being surprised that the doctor held my child up like a baby kitten by the back of the neck. I looked at her and instantly fell in love with the screaming baby being held like Simba.

They wrapped her up and brought her close to my face. Although I could hardly see her through my tears, I knew she was perfect. We took our pictures and fully celebrated. When it was time for her to go they wheeled her out of the room with her daddy by her side.

I’m sure it took more than a few minutes for them to finish up my procedure, but I don’t remember being separated for long. They took me into the post-op room and quickly brought Epsie to me. I cried and cried as I held her for the first time. She was the most beautiful being I had ever laid eyes on.

After longing for years to be a mom, this child had quite literally made my dreams come true.

The drugs started kicking in, my words began to slur together, and it was time for her bath, so she went off again and I stayed to rest after the morning’s exciting events.

This day was over six years ago now and so much has happened since.

These years as a mom have changed me. Not only do I feel like I have aged, but I am such a different person than I was on that day six years ago when I held her for the first time.

I have heard stories of how fast time goes by with children, but to tell you the truth, it hasn’t always felt like time was flying by. In many ways, it kind of feels like the last six years of my life have been filled with the time of thirty years. I have lived days that have felt like months and weeks that have felt like years. Some days the last fifteen minutes before Carter gets home from work have felt like an eternity that I might not survive.

There have been plenty of days when I felt like I was quite possibly losing my mind.

When I look at my life, the days seem to have slowed since having kids; however, when I look at my children, I can’t believe how quickly it has went. I am continually shocked by how old my Epsie Marie is looking. With each passing year it seems to grow more surreal to look at pictures of her past. Where is my baby? Where is that little girl who came out of me so tiny, yet fierce? Ready to tell the world that she had arrived.

How can her little life seem to have started just yesterday, but I struggle to remember what my life was before she was in it? 

How can time seem to tick forward so slowly and speed by all at once?

This year, I sent my sweet Epsie marie to kindergarten.

How is that possible? As I prepared to send her to school for her first year, I spent some time thinking about my mothering journey up to this point. 

Life as a mom is hard. It is a daily struggle that can often feel like we are ten steps behind where we should be. The mundane events bring with it many small and large defeats that leave us feeling unsure if we are doing things right. Our days are filled with many tasks that are left undone and moments that didn’t turn out as we expected.

But our years… our years are a different story. As we look back at our years, we are filled with gratitude. Suddenly, the dishes that were left in the sink and the child that threw more tantrums than acceptable isn’t that important.

It is then that we realize that those big things weren’t so big and the small things were more important than we realized.

As we look back, it is so much easier to see the beauty in the journey. We see our growing children and realize we have obviously been doing something right. It is so much easier to feel pride in it all and suddenly those long days don’t seem so long. Somehow those horrible moments that left us feeling defeated and overwhelmed are the very moments that make us feel proud now.

We did it.

We survived. And somehow through all the difficult moments, we learned how to thrive. This whole parenting gig is quite the experience but one that is absolutely a privilege to have.  

Much love and many blessings.

-Haley

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Learning to Value Those I Disagree With

I have always been a very opinionated person. I never had to be taught how to have strong convictions and to speak up for what I believed. I just did. These strong convictions left me with a very narrow path of what I believed was right.

I wouldn't chase after confrontation, but I sure didn't shy away from it when someone challenged me. I had my opinions, for good reason, and I stood by my beliefs. This caused me to enter into many arguments and I did so with confidence because I was sure that my opinion was correct. Absolutely positive.

I used to feel so proud of my opinions.

When I entered into an argument it felt personal. If you rejected my opinions, you rejected me, so I defended "us" with whatever it took. I had one goal and that was to come out as the “winner”. It was very important to me that I “win”.

I used to think that my opinions and I were like two peas in a sweet little pod of "right".

I became a different person during conflict. Arguments would reveal things within me that most of the time I could hide. I didn’t have the skills to remain respectful or kind during conflict. Honestly, I felt like if you were going to challenge me, you didn’t deserve my respect or my kindness… you should know better. (Yeah, I am aware of how horrible that sounds.)

I felt like if you disagreed with me, you didn’t value me. It was no longer about the disagreement.

It was about me and my worth.

I realize now that I used to be able to disregard people’s perceptions so easily because I had a lack of understanding what opinions really were. I used to think that opinions were simple. They were simply right or wrong, good or bad. Now I realize that opinions are as complex as the people that hold them.

Our opinions are wrapped up and filtered through every single experience we have ever had. They are more than just our knowledge. Our opinions give voice to our perception.

Our opinions give voice to our history.

All of us are on a tumultuous journey to try to make sense out of life. Our opinions place words to where we stand in the world today, but tomorrow we may be standing in a new place, with new opinions. Our views are ever changing, at least I hope so.

Our opinions are a product of how we have processed our experiences. For me to expect everyone to experience life the same is silly and for me to expect everyone to process life the same is just crazy.

I may disagree with you, but I should be able to value you regardless. If I cannot value a person, merely because I disagree with them, that is a problem. A big problem.

Now looking back it makes me blush to think about some of the things that I have said in my life, but worse is the attitude with which I would say them. By far, my greatest regrets are the hurtful words that have come out of my mouth. I have said horrible things to people I love over differing opinions. How is that for love?

It is so intriguing to me that I used to hold onto my idealistic ideas stronger than I would hold on to my love.

My opinions are not nearly as important as I used to believe. I no longer believe that every opinion I have is absolutely right or absolutely noble. And I no longer put that pressure on you.

I have now learned that my opinions don't make me special. They are not what make me a wonderful person. My choice to value your voice, even if it is saying something different than mine and my choice to listen to you, hear you and attempt to understand you, are what make me special.

My choice to place high worth on humanity is what makes me a wonderful person.

For me to say your opinions don’t matter is for me to say your experiences don’t matter, and if your experiences don’t matter than your life doesn’t matter. I’m no longer willing to say that. I will, with resolution, respect life.

Perhaps that is the key to why we all fight so hard for our opinions. We are not necessarily fighting for our views, we are fighting to say that our experiences matter, but ultimately we are fighting to say that our lives matter.

While I may not agree with your opinion. I can place value on the life that it has taken you to accumulate them.

Because your life matters… a lot.

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Ten Things to Know Before Starting a New Adventure

I am a lover of adventure, which works out well since this life is filled with it. I believe that adventure can be found in our everyday lives. It lies merely in our perception. Adventure can look like moving across the globe, starting a new career, or simply living with a new outlook. Whatever your adventure is, here are a few pointers that I have learned during the adventures that I have taken.

One. Beginning is half the battle.

When you have a dream or an idea, at some point, you need to simply start. Of course, it is good to wait for timing that works for your life, but I would hesitate to wait for the timing to be “perfect”. At some point you must stop talking about what you are going to do and just do it.

Two.  At times, you will want to quit.

Starting something new is always challenging, and most of us don’t enjoy being challenged. At times, the cost feels very high, particularly in moments that seemed discouraging. There are many reasons to quit something, but being “hard” is not a good reason. If it is truly an adventure that you wanted to start, don’t end it early. You must not quit.

Three. Prepare for people’s opinions to be a part of your journey.

Some people will be there to cheer you on and push you forward. Other people will be there to tell you that you should stop or that your adventure is a waste of time. They will tell you how you are doing things wrong. Some people will say nothing at all, and it will leave you guessing what they think. You must not get distracted by any of it. You see, you are not on this adventure for them. You are on this adventure for you. Keep your cheerleaders close though because you will need them when things get tough.

Four. Time will be your friend.

Don’t get overwhelmed by how difficult and time consuming things are in the beginning. With time, things will go smoother and be much simpler. Give yourself the time that you need to figure out how to master your quest.

Five. Breaks are necessary.

When you start something new, you need to allow time for breaks. Let yourself have time to rest whether it be for an hour, a day, a week or a month! Take a break, but don’t quit.

Six. Expect backlash.

This world has a way of hitting us hard, and that is never shown better than when we step out to start something new. Whether it be mean critics, poor timing, bad weather, relationship struggles or financial difficulty, it can feel like this world literally begins to revolt when we step foot on a new journey. Expect backlash. You didn’t start the journey because it was going to be easy. You started this journey because you felt the call for more. Don’t go back.

Seven. The key to your success will be in your expectations.

What are your expectations for your adventure? You must not expect quick success, overwhelming praise, or glorious riches. None of these things will be guaranteed. However, you can expect adventure. Your adventure will give you adventure. You can expect to grow. You can expect to learn about yourself. These things alone must be worth the adventure because nothing else is guaranteed. A true adventurer is driven merely with the desire to push for more out of this life and the desire to live this life to the fullest.  

Eight. Your adventure will make you feel vulnerable.

Starting something new is vulnerable. Always. When you begin to speak out into the world that you are starting a new voyage, the world will have something to say about it. You must be prepared for your journey to feel difficult and vulnerable. I say this not to discourage you, but to prepare you that the journey will most likely hit you where it hurts. The journey will challenge you not only in your strength, but especially in your weakness. The key here is not to lose your vulnerability. Do not allow the voyage to make you bitter or cynical. Vulnerability is one of your most treasured assets. Guard it with your life.

Nine. Your adventure is waiting on you.

No one is waiting to make your dream a reality. No one is going to do it for you. It won’t just fall in your lap and it won’t be served to you on a silver platter. If you want something out of this life, it is up to you and you alone will have to work for it.

Ten. Your adventure will not always feel like an adventure.

This is perhaps the most important thing to understand about adventure. There will be moments of your adventure that feel exhilarating and life changing, but the majority of your moments will feel quite mundane. Most of them will be simply about putting one foot in front of the other. Let’s not ever be under the impression that adventure is about mere excitement. Our adventure is about so much more than how we feel.

For us adventurers, life is simple. It is about getting off of our little behinds and choosing to go and live what is inside of us. We are not dictated by our fears. We are not motivated by others. We are not even driven by our destination.

We are driven by the desire to push ourselves. We are driven by the desire to explore the unknown and are not intimidated by the “what-ifs”.

Some people will love us for our adventure and some people will hate us, but it matters not, because we aren’t doing it for them. We are doing it for ourselves, so when we are at the end of our life, we won’t die with our life still inside of us. We are living it now. Leaving nothing left to be buried in our grave.

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