Dealing with Discouragement
Seriously, I have to do this again? I have to be here… again? I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be disappointed. I want to move on. I want to not care. But I do. I do care.
I am tired of feeling disappointed in this life.
I am tired of resenting my hope.
It is easy to resent hope because it is only after hope that I find myself disappointed. And shortly after disappointment comes discouragement. But I hate discouragement more than I hate disappointment. I hate being discouraged. I hate being overwhelmed.
I am a handler. I like to handle things, not to be handled by them.
I like to have strength, knowledge, and wisdom to deal with every obstacle that comes my way. I like to have a plan to proceed forward with finding success. And I enjoy having my to-do list that I can check off my small victories.
I like victories.
I don’t like to feel like I am losing. I don’t like to feel like I am falling behind. Isn’t it so easy to feel like we are falling behind? In a moment we can be hit with the revelation that we are lagging. We should be farther. We should be more. We should be better.
I hate these moments.
I hate the moments that tell me I should be more than I am.
That my life should be more than it is.
I hate the seconds of my life that discouragement tells me how to feel… and I listen. I hate it. I don’t want to listen to my discouragement, but at times it feels like the only voice I can hear. I try to quiet the voice and speak firm to my discouragement. Sometimes it happens so subtly that I fail to realize what is even happening. I fail to realize who I am listening to.
You see, discouragement tries to get me to sit down and stop. Discouragement tells me that I will never catch up and that in the end, I will lose anyway.
Discouragement tells me to quit.
I was telling Carter the other day that it is funny because I wouldn’t call myself a quitter; (I actually can’t think of anything at the moment that I have actually quit) however, I think about quitting things a lot.
One example of this is when I thought about starting a blog for years. Finally, last June I began to force myself to take action toward my goal. Funny enough, I “quit” my blog about six times before I even launched it. Haha! Carter would come home and I would tell him about the new thing that I was trying to learn, but I was pretty sure it was too hard and I needed to just quit. I would give myself a week or two and then get back at it to try again. It didn’t happen overnight, but six months later I launched myself a blog!
Even now, I will call Carter and tell him that I need to work on a blog post, but have come to the realization that I have nothing to say and don’t know why I have a blog. I give myself a moment… or a day and then I get back at it. Suddenly, I have something to say again and I wonder how I could have ever felt voiceless.
Truth is, quitting is not my style. It just doesn’t feel right to me. I guess I like breaks.
I am all about taking a break when things get tough.
Let’s not discount the very necessary experience of rest. Rest is perfect. If you are discouraged today, step back, breathe and rest.
Give yourself rest, but don’t quit.
Funny enough, discouragement often comes right before our greatest breakthroughs! Let’s not listen to the voice that tells us to quit because that voice cannot be trusted!
Let’s keep our heads up. We can do this!
-Haley
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