Many people do not realize that I am a recovering control freak who was born with a natural ability to manipulate people. From the time I was little, I can remember watching people, listening and learning how people reacted to certain things. From parents, to teachers, to friends, I liked to read people and once I did, I learned how to give them what they wanted for one primary reason... so that I could get what I wanted.

Love isn't always hard. But, often times, it is. It can be hard to love our spouses, our friends, our families, our homes, our jobs... or our lives.

I have yet to meet a "lover" who has not also experienced the painful kiss of disappointment, betrayal, and heartache.

When we love, we will inevitably experience disappointment and feel pain. We can slowly determine that the cost of love is too high because it hurts so much. Through the many disappointments that we experience it is easy to choose to love less. 

Despite all of my experiences that have taught me that love is quite costly, I have determined that the cost of not loving is far greater.   

To lose my love is to lose my life...

I have always been a very opinionated person. I never had to be taught how to have strong convictions and to speak up for what I believed. I just did. These strong convictions left me with a very narrow path of what I believed was right.

I wouldn't chase after confrontation, but I sure didn't shy away from it when someone challenged me. I had my opinions, for good reason, and I stood by my beliefs. This caused me to enter into many arguments and I did so with confidence because I was sure that my opinion was correct. Absolutely positive.

I used to feel so proud of my opinions. That was then...

I was in sixth grade the first time that an acquaintance told me that she didn’t like me. Nothing had happened between us. Just me being “me” was enough to arouse in her a very strong feeling of frustration and annoyance, and she needed me to be aware of it.

I was eleven years old.

So, I guess I could tell you that it was also in sixth grade that I began to perform for the world to accept me. I began to try to be what other people wanted me to be...

I am a lover of adventure, which works out well since this life is filled with it. I believe that adventure can be found in our everyday lives. It lies merely in our perception. Adventure can look like moving across the globe, starting a new career, or simply living with a new outlook. Whatever your adventure is, here are a few pointers that I have learned during the adventures that I have taken...

Do you feel like you are behind? Today, I talk about a hot topic for many of us, our "to-do list"! I know I am not the only person who feels like the list never seems to end.

"I wake up feeling like I should’ve woken up earlier and go to bed feeling like I should have gotten more done."

If you are feeling overwhelmed by how much that needs to be done right now, check out this article...

Discouragement can be so disappointing. I hate the days of my life that I feel discouraged. It is amazing how defeated I can feel! Check-out my blog post today about being discouraged...

Have you ever been overwhelmed with shame? Have you ever felt shame for a choice or a mistake that you made? Maybe you have felt shame for not being the same as someone else? Or felt ashamed for being “you”? Have you ever felt like you aren't enough?...

The past five years of my life have been very difficult. I've been evaluating and asking myself how we've gotten through some of the hardest trials we've experienced. (Of course, besides the deaths of people we love that is a whole other category!) If I look over the past few years and focus on my disappointments I could come to the conclusion that life has really sucked. But the truth is, it hasn't.

Let me give you just a little background of where we've been...

I used to spend my life trying to stay on top of my problems. I used to try to avoid pain and difficulty. I used to find myself striving for perfection. Striving for happiness. No longer. I have now realized that this life is not about striving for perfection either within me or within my circumstances...

During the first few days after our house fire I could not quite pin-point what I was most upset about. Before this, I always thought the most difficult part of a house fire (without injuries) was the loss of “stuff”, but for me the hardest part wasn’t the stuff. The stuff was just stuff...

I believe that words have great power, but unfortunately, people don’t always use this power wisely… or kindly. It is shocking how much pain can be caused by words. When is the last time that someone said something hurtful to you?

I am amazed at how well I can remember some of the hurtful things that have been said to me. I can play them on repeat, word for word… for years.

When I have frustrations in my life, my first instinct is to look around and find the source of my frustration. This usually ends in me finding the person responsible. Someone must be at fault, right? And it isn’t me. I then put my frustration on that person, whether in secret or to their face.

Only recently have I realized how truly unproductive this process actually is. This way of handling things is focused primarily on one thing and that is…

blame.

Why couldn’t it just have gone as planned? It was all supposed to be so simple. So straightforward. I’m so disappointed that things haven’t gone as smooth as I hoped they would.

Why must it be so damn hard?

I don’t understand.

I weep today over the obstacles of life. I weep over the deep disappointment of the dream that is still a dream...

You find yourself today in a place that you never thought you would be. You never saw it coming. You weren’t prepared for this. Sure, you knew this life would have its challenges, but you never imagined it would look like this or feel like this. You have discovered a whole new layer of pain that you didn’t know existed… and you wish you could go back. You didn’t ask for this and it has changed you in a way that you never wanted...

Most of us have things that we want to happen in our lives. We have our plans. We have our goals. We have our hopes.

What about right now? Are you enjoying your life? Are you content? Are you happy? If not, why? At times, it can feel like the reason we aren’t happy is because we don’t have everything we want...

After Carter and I got married, I remember being a tad disappointed. I thought that once we got married, it would be my final step in my journey of feeling love, acceptance and approval. But even after we got married, I still had plenty of days that I felt like I wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t pretty enough, funny enough, sexy enough… so on and so forth...

Through my life, I have had different seasons that I have struggled with who I am. I will never forget a few years into our marriage, I got into a funk...

Welcome back to our “I Am Insecure” series! We are happy to have you here! If you are just now joining us, please be sure to check-out week one of our series, Find Your Person, before you read this! You will be glad that you did!

Week Two how do we react to our insecurities?...

Most of us think of people as being secure or insecure. I don’t believe that some people are secure and some people are insecure. I believe that we are ALL, both, insecure and secure. It just depends on the moment.

I am insecure. I am unsure. I doubt who I am, what I do and what I say. I feel like I get it wrong too often. I fall short more than I would like.

I am insecure.

No, not at this moment. At this moment, I am fine. I am confident. At this moment, I am secure, but maybe not the next or the one after that....