Behind on Life

So at what point in life will I actually feel like I am able to accomplish everything that needs to be done?

Because I feel behind… a lot.

The “to-do” list never ends. I feel like I should be doing more things, better. Even right now, I am typing this during the evening. I don’t usually like to write in the evening, but here I am behind.

Most of the time I wake up feeling like I should’ve woken up earlier and I go to bed feeling like I should have gotten more done.

It isn’t just one thing in my life that I feel like I may be falling short on...

I have insurance papers that need to be filled out, mail to sort, calls to make and texts to return.

I need to go grocery shopping and should be cooking at home more.

I am behind on cleaning, dishes and laundry.

I am tired, but who has time to be tired ? I long to rest, but if I spend the kids’ naptime resting and doing nothing, I feel like I wasted the afternoon.

The thought of working out doesn’t even cross my mind anymore, considering I don’t even give the time to wash my hair if I can get by another day.

I have so many thoughts on things I want to write, but sit down and struggle to complete an entire piece. I have vlogs I need to shoot and guest posts I need to edit.

Don’t even get me started on the things left to do before Christmas.

I am doing my best, but my best is not getting everything done.

To be honest, this usually brings me a lot of stress and shame; however, I have been vigilant in not allowing my shame to control me. If I allow it, shame will tell me every single day of my life that I am a failure. No matter how much I accomplish shame will always be there to tell me it wasn’t enough.  Right now, I am focused on this process.

I am committed to telling my shame to shut up.

Tonight, I am going to write this and let it be what it is. I’m not going to be ashamed that it isn’t better. It is what it is and that is enough. I am not going to focus on all of the things that I should have done differently today.

I am not going to focus on the fact that I fell short, but I will choose to focus on the fact that I did my best.

Parenthood has taught me that the "to-do" list is never finished. Ever. EVER. So I must no longer be driven by it.

I must be driven by my desire to live this life, not just get it done.

We have got to stop allowing ourselves to believe that we are failing. We have to stop being ashamed of our lives. We have to stop being ashamed of ourselves. We can’t keep going like this. I know that this life is intense, but we have to start holding our head up. We are doing our best. We are moving forward.

This life should not be defined by how much we have checked off of our “to-do” list, but by how well we can live our life as we accomplish the things that need to be done.

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