REDEMPTION UNVEILED
The Reason I No Longer Value My Fear
I experienced a lot of fear during the first couple years of my marriage. Getting married made me think of the future ahead and I found myself overwhelmed with all the unknowns that life could bring. It felt like my responsibility to think of all the possibilities and prepare for them. Honestly, at first, my fear seemed like a good thing. It felt like my friend. My fear told me to be smart and get prepared for the inevitable doom ahead. It seemed to be protecting me from the bad things to come, but it all became too much, I started to become lost in it...
I experienced a lot of fear during the first couple years of my marriage. Getting married made me think of the future ahead and I found myself overwhelmed with all the unknowns that life could bring.
It felt like my responsibility to think of all the possibilities and prepare for them.
Honestly, at first, my fear seemed like a good thing. It felt like my friend. My fear told me to be smart and get prepared for the inevitable doom ahead. It seemed to be protecting me from the bad things to come, but it all became too much, I started to become lost in it.
One night, I had a nightmare that I was going to die the next day, I spent the evening planning my funeral. The following day came and I wasn’t dead, but I knew I was going to die, so I decided to go ahead and have my funeral. I laid in my coffin as people came and I said goodbye to everyone I loved. I will never forget how heavy this dream was. I was absolutely filled with despair. My grief had gripped me.
When I first woke up, I was convinced it was a “sign” that I was going to die soon and I needed to start saying my goodbyes. After processing my dream I had a revelation…
I never died.
I spent the entire dream planning my death, but I never actually died.
*Epiphany*
This was happening in my actual life.
I was worrying, planning and fearing things that were not actually happening. I was losing out on my life while I was imagining my fears. This moment forever changed the way I view my fear. Suddenly, it all seemed clear...
Fear is not my friend.
Fear is not my guide.
Fear is not my protector.
I do not want my fear.
I will not allow fear to rule me.
I will not allow fear to be my god.
I will not baby my fear.
I will not value my fear.
I realize that it is impossible to just stop feeling fear. I know it is so much more complicated than that. But I believe it is vitally important to define our relationship with it. Fear does not protect us, fear steals from us, yet somehow many of us still see it as our friend. Fear is not our friend.
Fear is the thief in our life that keeps us worrying about the “what-if’s” and steals from the “right now’s”.
The “what-if’s” in this life are limitless. If we entertain them, we will have no shortage of horrible things to imagine. When we give respect to our fears, we just get more fear. Fear breeds fear. It will confuse us and eventually consume us.
To say that fear doesn’t affect me anymore would be untrue. Fear still seeks me out, but I no longer respect it. I see fear as the bully it is, always trying to intimidate me from living. Fear wants me to live my life from my coffin. But you know what? I refuse to be taunted out of living this life. I absolutely will not lay in that coffin, until I am forced to.
Do I expect my life to bring me difficulties? Absolutely! When those difficulties come, I will face them… and I will get through them.
I am not suggesting that we live in a fantasy world where no bad things exist, I’m stating that our fear is creating a fantasy land of its own.
We shouldn’t deny the struggle of our reality, we should face the reality in which we live, without adding more difficulty than is actually there.
Our fears are not our reality.
We must stop viewing them as definite predictions of our future and start viewing them for the scare tactic that they are.
Instead of relying on our fears, let’s rely on our hope. The hope that great things are ahead and the hope that we are strong enough to get through the “not so great” things.
Our fears will keep us from loving fully and our fears will keep us from living fully.
if there is one thing that is worth facing my fears for, it is the reward of getting to live and love to my fullest potential.
Own Your Hate and Bitterness. They Are Yours.
This world can be a very difficult place to live. No matter how hard we try to keep ourselves from pain, it seems there is no way to escape getting hurt in this life. There are times that it can seem simpler to overlook situations that cause us pain, but I believe it is essential that we understand our hurts and our brokenness. In every situation, we are offered time to be wounded. It is essential that we allow ourselves this time and the grace to be hurt and broken. However, our hurts won’t stay “hurts” forever, they change. Our brokenness that is left unattended will become bitterness, and our hurt that is left unaddressed will become hate...
This world can be a very difficult place to live. No matter how hard we try to keep ourselves from pain, it seems there is no way to escape from getting hurt in this life. There are times that it can seem simpler to overlook situations that cause us pain, but we must face them. It is essential that we understand our hurts and our brokenness.
In every situation, we are offered time to be wounded. It is necessary that we allow ourselves this time and the grace to be hurt and broken. However, our hurts won’t stay “hurts” forever, they change.
Our brokenness that is left unattended will become bitterness.
Our hurt that is left unaddressed will become hate.
One day, we will wake up and the opportunity to begin the healing process will present itself. At that moment, we will have a choice. If we choose not to begin the journey to be healed, we will begin the journey to hate.
None of us can escape the pain of this life. Sometimes pain comes as a huge defining moment of betrayal, and at other times, it is small repeated rejections. The principal is the same whether small or large. We have the choice to release and heal, or hold on and hate.
We do not choose our pain, but we do choose what we do with it. Once we are no longer hurting, but hating and no longer broken, but bitter we must own our current condition. This is the choice we make when we choose not to let go, but to hold on. This is the choice we make when we choose not to forgive. Hate and Bitterness are our consequence for not choosing to be healed from our pain.
When we choose to heal we aren’t saying that we are ok with how we were treated. We are saying that we are unwilling to let what happened to us define who we are.
Sometimes it can feel like we have a right to our hate. That we have earned it because of what we have been through. But do we really want our hate and everything it will give us? You see, hate is not content to stay stagnate. Hate demands control. Our hate will change us. It will make us people we never intended to be.
Sometimes this life just sucks. We as people have the capacity to make both, horrible mistakes and horrible choices. We hurt one another both, unintentionally and intentionally.
People can hurt us and cause us pain, but no one has the ability to make us hateful or bitter. We hold the keys to our souls. What we do with the hurt, pain and brokenness is up to us. We get the final say. The days of blaming our hate on other people need to be over. We must own who we are.
I beg you, my friend, not because they deserve your forgiveness,
but because you deserve your healing.
Let it go.
Seek counsel, forgive and find healing.
How Dare You Offend Me
In our world today, we have many outlets to share our views. With that comes many opportunities to feel offended by the opinions that we hear. When we are offended, it is easy to make the choice to treat others poorly.
How do we react when we find ourselves offended by the opinions and actions of others?...
In our world today, we have many outlets to share our views. With that comes many opportunities to feel offended by the opinions that we hear. When we are offended, it is easy to make the choice to treat others poorly.
How do we react when we find ourselves offended by the opinions and actions of others?
Have you ever sat back and watched an offended person speak their mind? An offended voice draws in two types of people, the people that strongly agree and strongly disagree. No one is looking to change their own opinion or learn from one another. It’s just two sides, looking to prove their points and for people to agree with them.
When we are offended, we aren’t concerned with finding a resolution. We only care about being right. Interestingly, it feels like we have accomplished something after we go on a rant, but what have we really accomplished? Being offended gives us a false sense of being productive.
We need to clear something up. Merely being offended does not make us right. Being offended simply makes us opinionated. Also, contrary to popular behavior, being offended does not justify us to say whatever we want. It is not noble to have opinions, it is quite easy actually. It is not hard to get defensive. It is not challenging to be angry.
When we are offended, we look down on others who don’t agree with us. May I ask, what makes us right all the time? Being offended isn’t a matter of opinion. Being offended is a matter of pride.
An offended heart says,
“How dare you have a different opinion than me and share it in my presence.”
An offended voice doesn’t bring peace, it brings chaos. Each voice is louder than the next, because that’s what offense does, it escalates emotions and situations.
When disagreeing, some people express themselves more effectively than others. Many people have great things to say but use a horrible delivery system. Some of the most beautiful causes are being lost because of an offended voice. May I suggest that when expressing ourselves, we use our words with kindness, hope, and love? May I suggest that using a tone of intolerance, frustration and annoyance will not bring the change that we are hoping for?
The way we treat people that we disagree with says a lot about our character, I would suggest that it says more about us than our opinions themselves.
The response of an offended man says more about the offended man than the offense.
Over and over, I am told that I should not value a company, a faith, a person, or an opinion because it is different than mine. I’m not suggesting that we stop having opinions. Actually, I believe we should embrace our opinions while respecting theirs.
There are many dividing lines that are being made in the world right now, and everyone is demanding that we pick a side. This is perfectly fine, but I will not stand on a side and call everyone else stupid. I refuse. We all have topics that we are very passionate about, but I believe that how we treat the people on the other side of that line matters.
We must choose to respect people, even if we cannot relate to them.
Our opinions tell a story of the life that we have lived. They tell of our relationships, our hopes, our hurts, our disappointments and our hardships. Our views are a product of our experiences. We all see the world differently, and that is a beautiful thing.
I want to be able to live alongside people who don’t agree with me. I want to choose to show kindness, even when it’s hard. I will show you respect not because you agree with me, but because I value you.
I have great friends that I completely disagree with on faith, politics, parenting, family, work and many other things in life.
You know what? I don’t care.
I don’t need them to agree with me.
I believe they are living what they think is best for them and their family. Even though I see things differently, I respect their experiences and views. I am not trying to manipulate them to believe the things I believe.
I value them for being them.
I am enjoying them, today, with all of our differences in the way we see the world. Giving them the grace to be where they are, as I hope they are giving to me.
Perhaps the greatest change we can bring to this world is not our opinions, but our love.
Defining My Relationship with Self-Pity
For a multitude of reasons, I found myself discouraged this week. I had a sick baby, some disappointments, a touch of rejection and other routine life “stuff”. All week I had a nagging, unwelcome visit from a long-time frenemy, Self-Pity.
Self-Pity and I grew up together and became friends at a young age. I thought we had a true friendship, but the more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she wasn’t my friend.
She has a way of masking her true intentions...
For a multitude of reasons, I found myself discouraged this week. I had a sick baby, some disappointments, a touch of rejection and other routine life “stuff”. All week I had a nagging, unwelcome visit from a long-time frenemy, Self-Pity.
{Merriam-Webster defines a frenemy as one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy.}
Self-Pity and I grew up together and became friends at a young age. I thought we had a true friendship, but the more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she wasn’t my friend.
She has a way of masking her true intentions.
Self-Pity always takes my side (which, of course, I love). She constantly says that she only has my interest in mind and that she cares for me and understands me more than anyone else.
The more time I spend with her, the harder it is for me to be content with anything in my life. I am beyond blessed, but she tells me that I deserve more. What I have, is never enough. In this life, things often don’t go my way and when they don’t, Self-Pity tells me that it is unacceptable. She keeps track of every time that I am wronged and demands that everything in my life should be fair. She tells me that I deserve what I want when I want it. Her goal is to make me a self-centered person who throws a fit if I don’t get my way… every time.
Self-Pity is determined to make me a victim far more often than I actually am one.
She loves to whisper in my ear...
“Poor me, I didn’t get what I wanted.”
“Poor me, I don’t deserve this.”
“Poor me…”
I now respond right back to her…
“I refuse to live my life as a victim.
I am strong.
I am blessed.
I have a lot of things to be thankful for and I will choose to move forward and be appreciative.”
All of us have some level of relationship with Self-Pity. We must take a firm stand against her or she will isolate us. We will end up living in a world that revolves around one person, ourselves. Self-Pity’s ultimate goal is to produce a selfish perception of the world where everything is happening “to us”, even when the situation isn’t about “us” at all. We become blind to the needs of anyone else and lose our ability to love others well.
This is the only life I get and I refuse to live it as a spoiled brat who is never happy with what I have. No matter how often she tries to tell me differently, Self-pity is not my friend. She is a thief who will take my joy, twist my perceptions and steal from my relationships.
When she knocks on my door, I tell her to leave, but that doesn’t keep her from knocking again.
She is relentless, but as am I.
I take this life seriously and anything that tries to steal from it is not welcome. I will choose gratitude and tell her that I don’t have time for her shit.
When Being Me Feels Like It's Not Enough
From early on in life, we are compared to one another. It is amazing how we naturally begin to measure our value by the people around us.
Growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of very successful people, some of which were my sisters. I have four sisters and two sister-in-laws. They are all gorgeous and extremely talented. Through the years, my sisters have accomplished many wonderful things that I have not...
From early on in life, we are compared to one another. It is amazing how we naturally begin to measure our value by the people around us.
Growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of very successful people, some of which were my sisters. I have four sisters and two sister-in-laws. They are all gorgeous and extremely talented. Through the years, my sisters have accomplished many wonderful things that I have not.
My older sister, Hannah, was very good at track in high school. She even medaled at state. Both she and my sister, Ivy, were the student body presidents. Ivy ran track in college. She achieved a 4.0 GPA all the way through graduating and is now finishing up her masters. Chloe played basketball, received the 1,000 career point’s award, and made the All-District team. She made All-District, All-Conference, and All-Region for volleyball, and received a scholarship to play in college. My brother’s wife, Sara, high-jumped and placed nationally on the collegiate level. Carter’s sister, Kristina, is a breathtaking dancer. She started dancing at the age of four, completed a degree in Dance Performance, and continues to teach and choreograph. My youngest sister, Haven, is on the Paralympic emerging swim team and hopes to attend the 2020 Paralympics in Tokyo.
Having a bunch of ridiculously talented sisters gave me a lot of opportunities to feel insecure. I had to choose how I was going to view their success.
Was I going to measure my value based on my performance compared to theirs?
Truth is, it is all too easy to try to prove our worth by achieving more; however, measuring ourselves by other people’s accomplishments is problematic. We were never meant to be measured by the bar of their potential. The potential inside of them is completely different than the potential inside of me. It’s not greater or less than, just different.
When we aren’t confident in who we are, it can suck to watch other people succeed. It can make us feel ashamed and like we have failed to measure up. We may appear confident, but we are actually struggling with our value internally.
I decided to embrace the fact that my life was going to look different than all of my sisters. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have accomplished all the things they did because I realized that I wasn’t capable of doing what they could. I cannot do what everyone else can. I just can’t. I can do some things really well, but I suck at a whole lot of other things, and that’s ok.
Turns out I can’t be anyone else but me. But, I can be me pretty damn well.
We all have to make a choice in our lives to embrace who we are and what we have. We can spend our lives trying to prove to the world that we are just as good as everyone else, but any moment spent trying to prove our value is a moment wasted. If we are trying to prove our value, that means we, ourselves, don’t know our worth.
Our value doesn’t need to be proven, it just needs to be discovered.
It is ok if you have failed to accomplish the same things as those around you. It’s not just ok, it’s expected. You are you and they are them. Let’s realize the beauty of that. Our differences should not bring shame, but pride. It isn’t in the things we all have in common, but our uniqueness, that will bring change to this world.
If we cannot learn the beauty of our differences, we will spend our life trying to be something we aren’t. Let’s be determined to embrace ourselves, quirkiness and all.
Who Are You? Only Conflict Will Tell.
My feelings about conflict have changed through the years. I used to hate it. I saw conflict as an unenjoyable experience that I had to endure until it was over. Only in recent years, I see conflict for what it truly is, an opportunity to see who I am. For the most part, I am quite blind to myself. I view myself as doing well and making good choices, well… because I always agree with myself. When I am in conflict, I am always surprised by who I am, how I feel and how I want to react.
Here are some of the ways I have handled conflict in the past….
My feelings about conflict have changed through the years. I used to hate it. I saw conflict as an unenjoyable experience that I had to endure until it was over. Only in recent years, I see conflict for what it truly is, an opportunity to see who I am. For the most part, I am quite blind to myself. I view myself as doing well and making good choices, well… because I always agree with myself. When I am in conflict, I am always surprised by who I am, how I feel and how I want to react.
Here are some of the ways I have handled conflict in the past….
I acted like it didn’t bother me.
At times, I have tried to push down my hurt and wait for my feelings to disappear. It seems like I should be able to “will” myself not to care, but I can’t because I do. We must understand that not dealing with conflict doesn’t mean we aren’t having any, it just means that we are living in denial. Don’t deny your pain, understand it. Hurt and pain that is left unaddressed will eventually change into bitterness, don’t let that happen.
Trying to avoid conflict will lead us to a very lonely place. Relationships with people come with conflict, if we can’t learn to navigate through it, we will find ourselves leaving a lot relationships.
I found someone who agreed with me.
I used to call a friend/s who would tell me that I was completely right in the situation and the other person was completely wrong. This conversation was always full of emotion and would always focus on the other person’s problems. Ultimately, I stopped dealing with conflict in this way because I realized it was not productive. I was avoiding the real issue, avoiding the person, talking behind their back and not getting anything resolved.
I confronted the conflict in my anger.
Unfortunately, there was a time in my life I confronted people in anger. I would pride myself that I had the balls to say what was “needed” and “I wasn’t scared.” I viewed this as a strength. The truth is that I wasn’t some valiant warrior fighting for truth and justice. I was an angry person, who was prideful and unable to control my emotions. Thank God, seriously, thank God that I no longer handle conflict in this way. This type of behavior is extremely selfish and self-centered. It comes from extreme insecurity masked by extreme confidence.
I used to be driven by the belief that there was right and there was wrong and my job was to stand for what was “right”; of course, I put myself as the judge. Interestingly, my opinion always seemed to be “right” and their opinion always seemed to be “wrong”.
So how do I handle conflict now?
First, I acknowledge that I am feeling hurt. I allow myself to be vulnerable. Some people run from vulnerability. My friends, I beg you, don’t run from your vulnerability, run to it. From my view, we need more vulnerability in this world.
Second, I decide if I even have the right to be angry. It is so easy for me to get pissed at things that are none of my business. I often have to tell myself to “just stop it”. I am not the boss of everyone and I do not always know best.
Thirdly, I talk it out with someone that will help ME work through MY emotions. Typically this person is Carter (poor guy, haha), but at times it is someone else. It is always someone who loves me and someone who I can trust with my heart. I tell them everything… I tell them what I am thinking and feeling. I talk about ME. My goal here is to find my peace again. My goal is not to be told that I am right. Actually, the people I go to rarely tell me that I am “right” or that I am “wrong”, most of the time they just listen and offer suggestions of why I may be experiencing these emotions.
Once I have found peace again, I go to the person and I talk, if I need to. Surprisingly, after working through my emotions I often find that I am fine with the situation and don’t need to.
Conflict is complicated. I understand that some of us have experienced extreme betrayal by those we love and for that, I am so sorry. I don’t want to oversimplify it, but I do want us to reflect on how we handle conflict overall. Make no mistake, we are all choosing to address conflict in some way. How are you handling it?
How you are handling conflict is drastically shaping your life.
Next time you get into a conflict with someone, instead of focusing on their flaws, take a moment to look at yourself. See yourself. You are worth seeing and You are worth understanding. Allow yourself the opportunity to be honest about why you are in pain so you can be healed from it. It is a journey worth taking my friend and you are worth getting to know.
When My Plans Became My Enemy
There is something you need to know about me. I am a recovering list maker, plan constructor, control freak. For most of my life, I have LOVED to have a plan and I did not like it if the plan didn’t go as I expected. The first ten years of Carter’s and my relationship were commonly filled with times that I was angry because circumstances didn’t go as I had hoped...
There is something you need to know about me. I am a recovering list maker, plan constructor, control freak. For most of my life, I have LOVED to have a plan and I did not like it if the plan didn’t go as I expected. The first ten years of Carter’s and my relationship were commonly filled with times that I was angry because circumstances didn’t go as I had hoped.
He told me he would be home at 5:00, but it was actually 5:30. I wanted to have the house COMPLETELY cleaned before the party, but I didn’t have time to get it all done. I was excited for our date, but he didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful. He went to the store, but he forgot to get milk, the one thing I needed him to get. I wanted to be in great shape before the event, yet I never started working out. We were trying to be on time, but we were late, again. I thought he had planned a surprise for our anniversary, but he hadn’t planned anything. I wanted to get everything on my list done, but I couldn’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a complete bitch all of the time, but I would really struggle when things didn’t turn out as I expected. For the past five years, I have experienced a complete transformation in this area of my life.
So how did I ever let go of my tight hold on the plans I had?
First, I found myself in a difficult season of life that I hadn’t planned and I didn’t see coming. Carter had lost his job. I began working more because we had lost our health insurance. We were in the adoption process to adopt our second child, Shepherd, from the DR Congo. (Anyone who has adopted knows that it does not go according to “plan”.) We were experiencing difficulties in several of our close relationships. During this all, we were trying to become adjusted to having our first daughter, Epsie, and staying connected in our marriage.
Life had handed me situations that I wasn’t expecting, it hadn’t asked for my permission and I didn’t have a plan on how to “handle” it.
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Life and it doesn’t always consider your “plans”.
Another major thing that has taught me to be more adaptable is having children. Kids don’t care about your plans. They don’t care if you’re late, if your house is messy or if you had one more errand to do before they are “done”. Kids have their own plans. I have realized that my plans of having a “perfect house” with a “perfect family” in a “perfect world” are unrealistic. I was finding myself discontent and when it comes to my kids, I am unwilling to miss out merely because it has turned out to be a different experience than I was expecting.
Now looking back, I realize that I was struggling with feeling disappointed. Once I felt disappointed, I would shut down and push Carter (or anyone else) away because I felt he didn’t care. I slowly began to realize how spoiled I had been acting.
I had a picture of how things should go.
It was my vision and it revolved around one person, me.
I realize now that I was behaving like a two year old who would throw a fit if I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it.
When is the last time your day/night/vacation/date/morning was ruined because it didn’t go the way you were expecting? No matter how hard you try, no matter how well you plan. Life will happen. Time will pass faster than expected. Not everything will get done. People will not behave exactly as you want (nor should they). Your expectations will go unmet and all you will be left with is a choice.
Yes, you have a choice.
I used to tell myself I didn’t have a choice. I was mad and I couldn’t help it, but that wasn’t true. I had a choice and you have a choice, the choice to make the best of our circumstances. As I often tell my kids, “We can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose how we act”. We need to take responsibility for our attitudes and recognize our power to choose.
You have every right to feel disappointed. You can even feel angry. You may very well need to have a conversation with someone about how you are feeling, but then choose to let it go and move on. Choose to make the best of your new circumstances.
A little secret I’ll let you in on…
A beautiful thing happens when we release our anger after not getting our way, we have the opportunity to realize that maybe our plan wasn’t the best all along. If we allow ourselves a moment to be disappointed and then look around, we might see that we have a whole lot to be thankful for and perhaps the only thing keeping us from having the best life is actually ourselves.
Your Life Is Now. Live It Today.
I would like you to do something for me right now, forget about your present circumstance and forget about your stress. Forget about the past few years that have not gone the way you expected. (Don’t worry we will come back to reality, just go with me for a minute.) Now, let’s go back to a simpler time, a time when you had your whole future ahead of you. You were filled with hope and excitement of the many possibilities ahead.
Stay here for a moment.
Who is this person? What dreams did they have? What kind of person were they to become? What kind of life would they live?
Ok, now come back.
This is it, this is your life.
Welcome to your future...
I would like you to do something right now, forget about your present circumstance and forget about your stress. Forget about the past few years that have not gone the way you expected. (Don’t worry we will come back to reality, just go with me for a minute.) Now, let’s go back to a simpler time, a time when you had your whole future ahead of you. You were filled with hope and excitement of the many possibilities ahead.
Stay here for a moment.
Who is this person? What dreams did they have? What kind of person were they to become? What kind of life would they live?
Ok, now come back.
This is it, this is your life.
Welcome to your future.
Are you the person that you always hoped to be? If so, CONGRATULATIONS! That is wonderful and I wish you the best! If not, why? What has kept you from being that person? Are you carrying the hurt from your past? Are you stuck in your history? Perhaps you keep planning to be that person "tomorrow"? Are you distracted? Are you waiting for others to make it happen?
I would like to formally invite you back into your life. I would like to give you the opportunity today to start fresh. It is simple enough to say, but how do we implement a new beginning?
I will leave you with three suggestions:
Forgive.
Nothing will steal your life from you like living in the past. The choice is yours, but I will always recommend forgiveness. Choose healing. Choose to move forward without the hurts of yesterday. At times, the person that is hardest to forgive is ourself. Today is a great day to begin the process.
Hope.
Hope is costly, but hope is worth it. The moment we stop hoping is the moment that we stop dreaming. Please, don’t stop dreaming. This world needs what you have inside of you.
Be determined.
Be determined to get “unstuck”. Be determined to dream again. Be determined to live again. Stand up and decide that today is the day that you will no longer sit on the sidelines of your life, you are getting back in the game and you will never leave it again. Whether you become tired, sweaty or bloody you are determined to live every minute of this experience fully.
I speak not of a life without difficulty and disappointment. pain and struggling will be present, yet we let it rule us not. Having the life you want will cost you, but it is worth it. If you are expecting it to be easy, it isn’t. If you are waiting for it to be given to you, you will wait forever because that gift is never coming. Don’t look to live a life without problems, but choose to live life despite them.
Today is the day you can choose to live again.
Make a change.
Decide to heal.
Decide to hope.
Welcome back my friend, how you’ve been missed.
Look in the Mirror and Clearly See
Have you ever felt discontent with who you are?
Several years ago, I found myself frustrated with my life. Don’t get me wrong, my circumstances were great. I had a wonderful family, great friends, I was a new mom, I was blessed with a job that I enjoyed and I was in a flourishing marriage, yet I felt disappointed with myself.
I wanted to find a way to live content.
I wanted to learn to be ok with who I was.
I wanted to learn how to love me...
Have you ever felt discontent with who you are?
Several years ago, I found myself frustrated with my life. Don’t get me wrong, my circumstances were great. I had a wonderful family, great friends, I was a new mom, I was blessed with a job that I enjoyed and I was in a flourishing marriage, yet I felt disappointed with myself.
I wanted to find a way to live content.
I wanted to learn to be ok with who I was.
I wanted to learn how to love me.
I set off on a journey to discover and learn to appreciate who I am. Now, after several years, I have a suggestion for anyone who is longing to become more secure in who you are:
Look in the mirror,
see yourself
and own what you see.
This is harder than it sounds. As I look back, I realize that I have spent a lot of time either running from the mirror or lying about what I saw. Why would I do this? I was filled with pride and fear. Pride kept me blind to the truth of my brokenness and fear kept me ashamed of my imperfections.
It can be so easy to get caught up in lying to ourselves about who we are, but in order to be completely free we must see it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Only after we acknowledge that we have flaws can we begin to attend to them. I didn’t even realize that I had been hiding or denying complete parts of myself.
If we want to truly begin transforming our lives, we must stop thinking that it is unacceptable to have problems, insecurities and brokenness. It is not bad to have “issues”, it is human. The sad thing is that we are all walking around trying to be “perfect”, when in reality, we all have major shit we are working through.
Embrace the real you.
Embrace the truth of who you are, in all its beauty and in all of its ugliness. Embrace that you are a person filled with many aspects: wonderful things, embarrassing things, strengths, weaknesses and brokenness. Embrace your current self, embrace who you have been and embrace who you will be.
I was struggling with being secure because I wasn’t acknowledging who I was. My instincts told me that if I wasn’t perfect then I would lose my value; instead, I found the opposite to be true. Only in being genuine and embracing who I truly am, have I been able to find security.
Once we learn how to accept who we are, flaws and all, we learn something extremely powerful, to love without the premise of perfection. I have learned the life changing ability to love something that is a work in progress, myself. Even better, I no longer expect others to be perfect. I have thrown away the bar of “performance & expectations” in which I used to measure people’s value. I have finally tapped into the truth that value is not in having a perfect reflection, but being a person, which is of great value.