REDEMPTION UNVEILED
Embracing My Brokenness
In my life, I was the person with the answers not the person with the problems. Don’t get me wrong, of course, I had problems, BUT I chose to avoid them if at all possible.
I hated moments of conflict, failure, and misunderstandings because those experiences had a way of highlighting my need for growth.I trained in Jedi maneuvers to ensure that nothing ever came back and pinpointed to my brokenness. I was a master at making sure that you or they were always pinned with the “issues”.
In my life, I was the person with the answers not the person with the problems. Don’t get me wrong, of course, I had problems, BUT I chose to avoid them if at all possible.
I hated moments of conflict, failure, and misunderstandings because those experiences had a way of highlighting my need for growth.
I trained in Jedi maneuvers to ensure that nothing ever came back and pinpointed to my brokenness. I was a master at making sure that you or they were always pinned with the “issues”.
Not me. I knew too much. I was too advanced for issues. Issues were for common folk.
The girl with the answers can’t be broken.
Right?
Except I was.
I was broken, but I didn’t know how to be.
Does that even make sense?? I don’t care if it does or not. That’s how I lived.
I wanted to be perfect.
It wasn’t about being better than you. It wasn’t about you at all. I didn’t want you to fail, but I would rather you fail than me. Not because I didn’t love you, but because so much of my life was centered on avoiding my need for improvement.
I did not know how to accept the things within myself that were not beautiful. I hated my jealousy. I avoided my insecurity. I resented my anxiety.
I did not enjoy feeling weak and to me, my brokenness made me feel very weak.
So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I acted like my brokenness didn’t exist. I created a LaLa Land that said that no matter what I felt I would just be *strong*.
Don’t be a broken person. Ever.
Somewhere along the way, I felt it was part of my identity to not be broken.
I see now that this was a major problem. I was missing the point the whole time. Ignoring my brokenness was keeping me stuck.
My brokenness is just as much a part of me as my strengths. My brokenness is part of my story. It deserves to be understood.
All the time I prided myself in not needing to change, I was really robbing myself from my potential.
It has been the process of embracing my brokenness that has taught me my strength. I have faced who I am. The good. The bad. The ugly.
I finally know myself.
I know that I am beautiful... a beautiful work in progress.
So much better to be a work in progress than the girl who isn’t making any progress at all.
Finding freedom in facing my brokenness. Do you want to join me? CLICK HERE!!!
When Others "Cause" My Problems
When I have frustrations in my life, my first instinct is to look around and find the source of my frustration. This usually ends in me finding the person responsible. Someone must be at fault, right? And it isn’t me. I then put my frustration on that person, whether in secret or to their face.
Only recently have I realized how truly unproductive this process actually is. This way of handling things is focused primarily on one thing and that is…
blame.
When I have frustrations in my life, my first instinct is to look around and find the source of my frustration. This usually ends in me finding the person responsible. Someone must be at fault, right? (And it isn’t me.) I then put my frustration on that person, whether in secret or to their face.
Only recently have I realized how truly unproductive this process actually is. This way of handling things is focused primarily on one thing and that is…
blame.
You see, I don’t like to be frustrated. I don’t like it if things don’t go the way that I thought they would or should. I don’t like it if someone is mean to me or rude to me. I don’t like it when people disappoint me. And I don’t like it when I feel that I have been “wronged”.
“They made me mad.”
“They hurt my feelings.”
“They made me frustrated.”
If only they would change, I wouldn’t have these problems because... well...
they are the problem.
I’m sure some of you are thinking… "Gosh, this girl has issues." (Which is totally true.)
I naturally think I am right all the time. I understand myself and my opinions make sense to me. It is not natural for me to question my emotions.
But what if my frustration wasn’t all about them?
What if the reason I was mad had more to do with my history than our present? What if the reason that I was so hurt had more to do with my insecurities than their actions? What if I was so frustrated because somewhere within myself is a child that believes I should get everything I want when I want it?
When we are feeling upset, instead of placing blame on someone else, we should sit down in front of the mirror and look at the reflection in front of us. We should not avoid this person. We should try to understand this person.
This person matters.
Our most frustrated, broken moments often reveal the most precious, vulnerable, interesting, and difficult things about ourselves.
It is vital that we look at ourselves during the times that we feel upset. If we don't, we will miss out on so many opportunities to learn who we are.
Many times, my feelings have little to do with the current situation I am in, and I find myself surprised by what is really upsetting me. It is often my undealt with hurt from a situation in my past. I can be surprised by my hate, anger, hurts, emotions, opinions, and frustration. Instead of making it all about them, I now ask, “What does this say about me?”
I learn more about myself when I am upset than I ever could when I am not.
My life is no longer a battle to prove to anyone that I am right. Being right is no longer my goal. My goal now is to be in peace. I am now living my life to grow, to heal, and to change. I am living this life to learn.
I am no longer scared of my brokenness. I no longer run from it. I embrace it. I want to know who I am, I want to know why I act the way I do and why I feel the way I do. I am getting to know myself, in all of my strength and all of my weakness.
My frustrations in life are no longer a “problem”.
They are an opportunity.
Next time you find yourself upset, hurt or angry. I invite you to do something that feels really wrong. I invite you to pause. I invite you to resist the urge to blame others for your emotions. I invite you to get to know yourself in a new way. I invite you to learn.
I invite you, my friend, to heal.
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I Am Insecure: Part Two {Avoid It and It Goes Away, Right?}
Welcome back to our “I Am Insecure” series! We are happy to have you here! If you are just now joining us, please be sure to check-out week one of our series, Find Your Person, before you read this! You will be glad that you did!
Week Two how do we react to our insecurities?...
Welcome back to our “I Am Insecure” series! We are happy to have you here! If you are just now joining us, please be sure to check-out week one of our series, Find Your Person, before you read this! You will be glad that you did!
Week Two
how do we react to our insecurities?
Once upon a time, I had a small leak under my faucet. I didn’t know how to fix it, so I decided to close the cabinet doors and not mess with it. Out of sight, out of mind. Later, I realized the water was beginning to leak out of the cabinet. So I found a rug and placed it in front of the cabinet to absorb the water. It instantly seemed better. Weeks later, I thought the floor might be becoming soft, but I figured it was fine. Months went by and one day, while standing at the sink, I fell through the floor completely. So what did I do? I found a bigger, thicker rug to lay over the hole. Then I stood in front of the sink to make sure that no one would ever come close enough to see the hole.
Growing up, this is how I handled my insecurities...
I avoided them.
If something inside of me made me feel uncomfortable, I tried to hide it. I pushed it down, and it would eventually go away… for a while. When it came back, I would find a new way to cover it.
I viewed my insecurities as a bad thing, because they made me feel vulnerable, and my vulnerability made me feel uncomfortable.
When I felt insecure, I handled it in a variety of ways… At times, I would ignore the feelings and just “wait it out” until I eventually stopped feeling upset. Or sometimes, I would try to convince people that I didn’t care. Other times, I would try to divert attention by getting angry and placing the blame on someone else. “If they would’ve just… I would not have…”
Now I realize I was looking at it all wrong. I was spending all of my energy covering up my areas of imperfection, and nothing was actually being changed within me.
I have learned that the longer I ignore my insecurities, the larger they become.
I no longer try to hide my insecurities... instead, I challenge myself to deal with them. Whether we deal with them or not, our insecurities are a part of us. When we avoid them, we are missing out on opportunities to grow. It feels unnatural to look at the areas of ourselves that need work, but we must.
I believe that discovering my potential is worth the awkward experience of facing my imperfections. We must learn who we actually are, in all of our glory and in all of our mess.
It is difficult to face our insecurities but funny enough, our choice to accept and confront our insecurity is the very thing that will bring us to security.
WEEK TWO CHALLENGE:
Think about how you view your insecurities. Do you view your insecurities as failures? When you feel insecure, do you address it or deny it? In the past, how have you dealt with situations that have made you feel insecure? Who have you talked to about it?
If you happen to have a moment of insecurity this week, be sure to pay close attention to how you instinctually want to deal with the situation. Don’t forget to touch base with “your person” and discuss all of the things you are learning about yourself!
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The Reason I No Longer Value My Fear
I experienced a lot of fear during the first couple years of my marriage. Getting married made me think of the future ahead and I found myself overwhelmed with all the unknowns that life could bring. It felt like my responsibility to think of all the possibilities and prepare for them. Honestly, at first, my fear seemed like a good thing. It felt like my friend. My fear told me to be smart and get prepared for the inevitable doom ahead. It seemed to be protecting me from the bad things to come, but it all became too much, I started to become lost in it...
I experienced a lot of fear during the first couple years of my marriage. Getting married made me think of the future ahead and I found myself overwhelmed with all the unknowns that life could bring.
It felt like my responsibility to think of all the possibilities and prepare for them.
Honestly, at first, my fear seemed like a good thing. It felt like my friend. My fear told me to be smart and get prepared for the inevitable doom ahead. It seemed to be protecting me from the bad things to come, but it all became too much, I started to become lost in it.
One night, I had a nightmare that I was going to die the next day, I spent the evening planning my funeral. The following day came and I wasn’t dead, but I knew I was going to die, so I decided to go ahead and have my funeral. I laid in my coffin as people came and I said goodbye to everyone I loved. I will never forget how heavy this dream was. I was absolutely filled with despair. My grief had gripped me.
When I first woke up, I was convinced it was a “sign” that I was going to die soon and I needed to start saying my goodbyes. After processing my dream I had a revelation…
I never died.
I spent the entire dream planning my death, but I never actually died.
*Epiphany*
This was happening in my actual life.
I was worrying, planning and fearing things that were not actually happening. I was losing out on my life while I was imagining my fears. This moment forever changed the way I view my fear. Suddenly, it all seemed clear...
Fear is not my friend.
Fear is not my guide.
Fear is not my protector.
I do not want my fear.
I will not allow fear to rule me.
I will not allow fear to be my god.
I will not baby my fear.
I will not value my fear.
I realize that it is impossible to just stop feeling fear. I know it is so much more complicated than that. But I believe it is vitally important to define our relationship with it. Fear does not protect us, fear steals from us, yet somehow many of us still see it as our friend. Fear is not our friend.
Fear is the thief in our life that keeps us worrying about the “what-if’s” and steals from the “right now’s”.
The “what-if’s” in this life are limitless. If we entertain them, we will have no shortage of horrible things to imagine. When we give respect to our fears, we just get more fear. Fear breeds fear. It will confuse us and eventually consume us.
To say that fear doesn’t affect me anymore would be untrue. Fear still seeks me out, but I no longer respect it. I see fear as the bully it is, always trying to intimidate me from living. Fear wants me to live my life from my coffin. But you know what? I refuse to be taunted out of living this life. I absolutely will not lay in that coffin, until I am forced to.
Do I expect my life to bring me difficulties? Absolutely! When those difficulties come, I will face them… and I will get through them.
I am not suggesting that we live in a fantasy world where no bad things exist, I’m stating that our fear is creating a fantasy land of its own.
We shouldn’t deny the struggle of our reality, we should face the reality in which we live, without adding more difficulty than is actually there.
Our fears are not our reality.
We must stop viewing them as definite predictions of our future and start viewing them for the scare tactic that they are.
Instead of relying on our fears, let’s rely on our hope. The hope that great things are ahead and the hope that we are strong enough to get through the “not so great” things.
Our fears will keep us from loving fully and our fears will keep us from living fully.
if there is one thing that is worth facing my fears for, it is the reward of getting to live and love to my fullest potential.
How Dare You Offend Me
In our world today, we have many outlets to share our views. With that comes many opportunities to feel offended by the opinions that we hear. When we are offended, it is easy to make the choice to treat others poorly.
How do we react when we find ourselves offended by the opinions and actions of others?...
In our world today, we have many outlets to share our views. With that comes many opportunities to feel offended by the opinions that we hear. When we are offended, it is easy to make the choice to treat others poorly.
How do we react when we find ourselves offended by the opinions and actions of others?
Have you ever sat back and watched an offended person speak their mind? An offended voice draws in two types of people, the people that strongly agree and strongly disagree. No one is looking to change their own opinion or learn from one another. It’s just two sides, looking to prove their points and for people to agree with them.
When we are offended, we aren’t concerned with finding a resolution. We only care about being right. Interestingly, it feels like we have accomplished something after we go on a rant, but what have we really accomplished? Being offended gives us a false sense of being productive.
We need to clear something up. Merely being offended does not make us right. Being offended simply makes us opinionated. Also, contrary to popular behavior, being offended does not justify us to say whatever we want. It is not noble to have opinions, it is quite easy actually. It is not hard to get defensive. It is not challenging to be angry.
When we are offended, we look down on others who don’t agree with us. May I ask, what makes us right all the time? Being offended isn’t a matter of opinion. Being offended is a matter of pride.
An offended heart says,
“How dare you have a different opinion than me and share it in my presence.”
An offended voice doesn’t bring peace, it brings chaos. Each voice is louder than the next, because that’s what offense does, it escalates emotions and situations.
When disagreeing, some people express themselves more effectively than others. Many people have great things to say but use a horrible delivery system. Some of the most beautiful causes are being lost because of an offended voice. May I suggest that when expressing ourselves, we use our words with kindness, hope, and love? May I suggest that using a tone of intolerance, frustration and annoyance will not bring the change that we are hoping for?
The way we treat people that we disagree with says a lot about our character, I would suggest that it says more about us than our opinions themselves.
The response of an offended man says more about the offended man than the offense.
Over and over, I am told that I should not value a company, a faith, a person, or an opinion because it is different than mine. I’m not suggesting that we stop having opinions. Actually, I believe we should embrace our opinions while respecting theirs.
There are many dividing lines that are being made in the world right now, and everyone is demanding that we pick a side. This is perfectly fine, but I will not stand on a side and call everyone else stupid. I refuse. We all have topics that we are very passionate about, but I believe that how we treat the people on the other side of that line matters.
We must choose to respect people, even if we cannot relate to them.
Our opinions tell a story of the life that we have lived. They tell of our relationships, our hopes, our hurts, our disappointments and our hardships. Our views are a product of our experiences. We all see the world differently, and that is a beautiful thing.
I want to be able to live alongside people who don’t agree with me. I want to choose to show kindness, even when it’s hard. I will show you respect not because you agree with me, but because I value you.
I have great friends that I completely disagree with on faith, politics, parenting, family, work and many other things in life.
You know what? I don’t care.
I don’t need them to agree with me.
I believe they are living what they think is best for them and their family. Even though I see things differently, I respect their experiences and views. I am not trying to manipulate them to believe the things I believe.
I value them for being them.
I am enjoying them, today, with all of our differences in the way we see the world. Giving them the grace to be where they are, as I hope they are giving to me.
Perhaps the greatest change we can bring to this world is not our opinions, but our love.
Defining My Relationship with Self-Pity
For a multitude of reasons, I found myself discouraged this week. I had a sick baby, some disappointments, a touch of rejection and other routine life “stuff”. All week I had a nagging, unwelcome visit from a long-time frenemy, Self-Pity.
Self-Pity and I grew up together and became friends at a young age. I thought we had a true friendship, but the more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she wasn’t my friend.
She has a way of masking her true intentions...
For a multitude of reasons, I found myself discouraged this week. I had a sick baby, some disappointments, a touch of rejection and other routine life “stuff”. All week I had a nagging, unwelcome visit from a long-time frenemy, Self-Pity.
{Merriam-Webster defines a frenemy as one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy.}
Self-Pity and I grew up together and became friends at a young age. I thought we had a true friendship, but the more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she wasn’t my friend.
She has a way of masking her true intentions.
Self-Pity always takes my side (which, of course, I love). She constantly says that she only has my interest in mind and that she cares for me and understands me more than anyone else.
The more time I spend with her, the harder it is for me to be content with anything in my life. I am beyond blessed, but she tells me that I deserve more. What I have, is never enough. In this life, things often don’t go my way and when they don’t, Self-Pity tells me that it is unacceptable. She keeps track of every time that I am wronged and demands that everything in my life should be fair. She tells me that I deserve what I want when I want it. Her goal is to make me a self-centered person who throws a fit if I don’t get my way… every time.
Self-Pity is determined to make me a victim far more often than I actually am one.
She loves to whisper in my ear...
“Poor me, I didn’t get what I wanted.”
“Poor me, I don’t deserve this.”
“Poor me…”
I now respond right back to her…
“I refuse to live my life as a victim.
I am strong.
I am blessed.
I have a lot of things to be thankful for and I will choose to move forward and be appreciative.”
All of us have some level of relationship with Self-Pity. We must take a firm stand against her or she will isolate us. We will end up living in a world that revolves around one person, ourselves. Self-Pity’s ultimate goal is to produce a selfish perception of the world where everything is happening “to us”, even when the situation isn’t about “us” at all. We become blind to the needs of anyone else and lose our ability to love others well.
This is the only life I get and I refuse to live it as a spoiled brat who is never happy with what I have. No matter how often she tries to tell me differently, Self-pity is not my friend. She is a thief who will take my joy, twist my perceptions and steal from my relationships.
When she knocks on my door, I tell her to leave, but that doesn’t keep her from knocking again.
She is relentless, but as am I.
I take this life seriously and anything that tries to steal from it is not welcome. I will choose gratitude and tell her that I don’t have time for her shit.
When My Plans Became My Enemy
There is something you need to know about me. I am a recovering list maker, plan constructor, control freak. For most of my life, I have LOVED to have a plan and I did not like it if the plan didn’t go as I expected. The first ten years of Carter’s and my relationship were commonly filled with times that I was angry because circumstances didn’t go as I had hoped...
There is something you need to know about me. I am a recovering list maker, plan constructor, control freak. For most of my life, I have LOVED to have a plan and I did not like it if the plan didn’t go as I expected. The first ten years of Carter’s and my relationship were commonly filled with times that I was angry because circumstances didn’t go as I had hoped.
He told me he would be home at 5:00, but it was actually 5:30. I wanted to have the house COMPLETELY cleaned before the party, but I didn’t have time to get it all done. I was excited for our date, but he didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful. He went to the store, but he forgot to get milk, the one thing I needed him to get. I wanted to be in great shape before the event, yet I never started working out. We were trying to be on time, but we were late, again. I thought he had planned a surprise for our anniversary, but he hadn’t planned anything. I wanted to get everything on my list done, but I couldn’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a complete bitch all of the time, but I would really struggle when things didn’t turn out as I expected. For the past five years, I have experienced a complete transformation in this area of my life.
So how did I ever let go of my tight hold on the plans I had?
First, I found myself in a difficult season of life that I hadn’t planned and I didn’t see coming. Carter had lost his job. I began working more because we had lost our health insurance. We were in the adoption process to adopt our second child, Shepherd, from the DR Congo. (Anyone who has adopted knows that it does not go according to “plan”.) We were experiencing difficulties in several of our close relationships. During this all, we were trying to become adjusted to having our first daughter, Epsie, and staying connected in our marriage.
Life had handed me situations that I wasn’t expecting, it hadn’t asked for my permission and I didn’t have a plan on how to “handle” it.
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Life and it doesn’t always consider your “plans”.
Another major thing that has taught me to be more adaptable is having children. Kids don’t care about your plans. They don’t care if you’re late, if your house is messy or if you had one more errand to do before they are “done”. Kids have their own plans. I have realized that my plans of having a “perfect house” with a “perfect family” in a “perfect world” are unrealistic. I was finding myself discontent and when it comes to my kids, I am unwilling to miss out merely because it has turned out to be a different experience than I was expecting.
Now looking back, I realize that I was struggling with feeling disappointed. Once I felt disappointed, I would shut down and push Carter (or anyone else) away because I felt he didn’t care. I slowly began to realize how spoiled I had been acting.
I had a picture of how things should go.
It was my vision and it revolved around one person, me.
I realize now that I was behaving like a two year old who would throw a fit if I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it.
When is the last time your day/night/vacation/date/morning was ruined because it didn’t go the way you were expecting? No matter how hard you try, no matter how well you plan. Life will happen. Time will pass faster than expected. Not everything will get done. People will not behave exactly as you want (nor should they). Your expectations will go unmet and all you will be left with is a choice.
Yes, you have a choice.
I used to tell myself I didn’t have a choice. I was mad and I couldn’t help it, but that wasn’t true. I had a choice and you have a choice, the choice to make the best of our circumstances. As I often tell my kids, “We can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose how we act”. We need to take responsibility for our attitudes and recognize our power to choose.
You have every right to feel disappointed. You can even feel angry. You may very well need to have a conversation with someone about how you are feeling, but then choose to let it go and move on. Choose to make the best of your new circumstances.
A little secret I’ll let you in on…
A beautiful thing happens when we release our anger after not getting our way, we have the opportunity to realize that maybe our plan wasn’t the best all along. If we allow ourselves a moment to be disappointed and then look around, we might see that we have a whole lot to be thankful for and perhaps the only thing keeping us from having the best life is actually ourselves.
Your Life Is Now. Live It Today.
I would like you to do something for me right now, forget about your present circumstance and forget about your stress. Forget about the past few years that have not gone the way you expected. (Don’t worry we will come back to reality, just go with me for a minute.) Now, let’s go back to a simpler time, a time when you had your whole future ahead of you. You were filled with hope and excitement of the many possibilities ahead.
Stay here for a moment.
Who is this person? What dreams did they have? What kind of person were they to become? What kind of life would they live?
Ok, now come back.
This is it, this is your life.
Welcome to your future...
I would like you to do something right now, forget about your present circumstance and forget about your stress. Forget about the past few years that have not gone the way you expected. (Don’t worry we will come back to reality, just go with me for a minute.) Now, let’s go back to a simpler time, a time when you had your whole future ahead of you. You were filled with hope and excitement of the many possibilities ahead.
Stay here for a moment.
Who is this person? What dreams did they have? What kind of person were they to become? What kind of life would they live?
Ok, now come back.
This is it, this is your life.
Welcome to your future.
Are you the person that you always hoped to be? If so, CONGRATULATIONS! That is wonderful and I wish you the best! If not, why? What has kept you from being that person? Are you carrying the hurt from your past? Are you stuck in your history? Perhaps you keep planning to be that person "tomorrow"? Are you distracted? Are you waiting for others to make it happen?
I would like to formally invite you back into your life. I would like to give you the opportunity today to start fresh. It is simple enough to say, but how do we implement a new beginning?
I will leave you with three suggestions:
Forgive.
Nothing will steal your life from you like living in the past. The choice is yours, but I will always recommend forgiveness. Choose healing. Choose to move forward without the hurts of yesterday. At times, the person that is hardest to forgive is ourself. Today is a great day to begin the process.
Hope.
Hope is costly, but hope is worth it. The moment we stop hoping is the moment that we stop dreaming. Please, don’t stop dreaming. This world needs what you have inside of you.
Be determined.
Be determined to get “unstuck”. Be determined to dream again. Be determined to live again. Stand up and decide that today is the day that you will no longer sit on the sidelines of your life, you are getting back in the game and you will never leave it again. Whether you become tired, sweaty or bloody you are determined to live every minute of this experience fully.
I speak not of a life without difficulty and disappointment. pain and struggling will be present, yet we let it rule us not. Having the life you want will cost you, but it is worth it. If you are expecting it to be easy, it isn’t. If you are waiting for it to be given to you, you will wait forever because that gift is never coming. Don’t look to live a life without problems, but choose to live life despite them.
Today is the day you can choose to live again.
Make a change.
Decide to heal.
Decide to hope.
Welcome back my friend, how you’ve been missed.
Look in the Mirror and Clearly See
Have you ever felt discontent with who you are?
Several years ago, I found myself frustrated with my life. Don’t get me wrong, my circumstances were great. I had a wonderful family, great friends, I was a new mom, I was blessed with a job that I enjoyed and I was in a flourishing marriage, yet I felt disappointed with myself.
I wanted to find a way to live content.
I wanted to learn to be ok with who I was.
I wanted to learn how to love me...
Have you ever felt discontent with who you are?
Several years ago, I found myself frustrated with my life. Don’t get me wrong, my circumstances were great. I had a wonderful family, great friends, I was a new mom, I was blessed with a job that I enjoyed and I was in a flourishing marriage, yet I felt disappointed with myself.
I wanted to find a way to live content.
I wanted to learn to be ok with who I was.
I wanted to learn how to love me.
I set off on a journey to discover and learn to appreciate who I am. Now, after several years, I have a suggestion for anyone who is longing to become more secure in who you are:
Look in the mirror,
see yourself
and own what you see.
This is harder than it sounds. As I look back, I realize that I have spent a lot of time either running from the mirror or lying about what I saw. Why would I do this? I was filled with pride and fear. Pride kept me blind to the truth of my brokenness and fear kept me ashamed of my imperfections.
It can be so easy to get caught up in lying to ourselves about who we are, but in order to be completely free we must see it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Only after we acknowledge that we have flaws can we begin to attend to them. I didn’t even realize that I had been hiding or denying complete parts of myself.
If we want to truly begin transforming our lives, we must stop thinking that it is unacceptable to have problems, insecurities and brokenness. It is not bad to have “issues”, it is human. The sad thing is that we are all walking around trying to be “perfect”, when in reality, we all have major shit we are working through.
Embrace the real you.
Embrace the truth of who you are, in all its beauty and in all of its ugliness. Embrace that you are a person filled with many aspects: wonderful things, embarrassing things, strengths, weaknesses and brokenness. Embrace your current self, embrace who you have been and embrace who you will be.
I was struggling with being secure because I wasn’t acknowledging who I was. My instincts told me that if I wasn’t perfect then I would lose my value; instead, I found the opposite to be true. Only in being genuine and embracing who I truly am, have I been able to find security.
Once we learn how to accept who we are, flaws and all, we learn something extremely powerful, to love without the premise of perfection. I have learned the life changing ability to love something that is a work in progress, myself. Even better, I no longer expect others to be perfect. I have thrown away the bar of “performance & expectations” in which I used to measure people’s value. I have finally tapped into the truth that value is not in having a perfect reflection, but being a person, which is of great value.