The Worst Part about Love

I have always been a people person. I like friends. I like family. I can think of no better way to spend my life than investing in the people around me.

I love people.

I love the opportunity to experience new things. Laugh together. Cry together. Support one another. Cheer on one another. People. Love. Relationships. I love it all.

However, it is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

And people get hurt A LOT.

Have you ever been hurt by someone? (Insert sarcasm.) Of course, YOU HAVE! From the time we were young, we were getting hurt by people. Friends, family, peers on the playground, there are an endless amount of opportunities to get hurt in this life.

We all have people in our life that have disappointed us. Not just the acquaintance we work with, but people close to us. Times when we found out something hurtful a friend said about us or when we needed support but failed to receive it.

I have some of the most amazing friends and family a girl could ask for, but that doesn’t mean my relationships come with no cost. There are so many opportunities for misunderstandings.

I believe this is something that should be talked about more. Don’t get me wrong, I am not cynical, but I do consider myself very practical.

Sometimes misunderstandings happen that seem completely innocent and then there are times when the pain seems deliberate. These experiences make us second guess having people in our life at all.

This is when the rubber meets the road and love can seem like one horrible idea.

We have done ourselves a disservice because we don’t have a good understanding of what love is or the power that it beholds. Somewhere along the way, we have told ourselves that if we love big, then we will be loved big.

Truth is, if we Love big, we will Hurt big.

So many of us expect our love to be returned to us at the measure it is given. Love is not given to the measure it is received. Love is given to the measure of capacity.

I can love big, but not because I have people in my life who don’t make mistakes, but because I have worked for years on growing my capacity to love.

Love isn’t about receiving what you give.

Love is about giving all that you have.

Love is about stretching you to become a beautiful person, no matter if someone else chooses to do the same.

Sorry, I Cannot Be What You Want

I am sorry I cannot be what you want me to be. You seem to have such specific requirements for me and I have disappointed you.

I didn’t want to let you down, but here we are.

I have been so focused on how you felt about me and my choices that I lost sight of who I am and the life I want to live. And sadly, I even started to blame you for my unhappiness. This isn’t fair and I promise to do better. My happiness is not in your hands and I free you from that burden you never asked to carry.

This has taken me some time to understand, but I see things differently now. I now see that I have to let go of your approval.

I have to let go of you.

I understand now that seeking your approval will be a chase that will never end. I will always need to do more.

I just can’t be what you wanted me to be.

I’m sorry.

I only have one life to live and I cannot spend it trying to read your mind.

I will no longer try to do the dance that you expect me to do, but I will do the dance that I have inside of me. I will not allow myself to be controlled by you or your disapproval.

I will no longer make decisions for my life based on the fear that you will not love me because I have finally learned that perfect love casts out fear.

I have to move forward in the life that I feel I am called to live and I free you to do the same. I bless you, even if you can’t return the blessing. This doesn’t mean I don’t value you because I do. It simply means I value the experience of finding freedom more than I need your approval.

I choose to love you, without condition and I will choose to love myself without the pressure to perform for you.

Please know, this isn’t about me rejecting you. Actually, it is the opposite.

This is about me accepting you.

And I know this may be hard for you to understand and you may never give me your blessing, but that’s ok.

I give you the grace to disapprove of me.

But I am loyal to my path.

And your disapproval is no longer enough to keep me from moving forward.

Blessings.

Did you enjoy the article? CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED! 

Ruining My Life... One Expectation at a Time

Hopes. Dreams. Expectations. Plans. Goals. Desires.

They are all wonderfully beautiful things... until they aren’t.

There is an art to having expectations. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Right where they push you forward, but don’t hold you back.

I have always been a very positive person and I have never been short on hopes for my future. These hopes turned into plans and then I would then execute those plans. As I did, I expected everything to go exactly according to my very sunny expectations.

Expectations.

Such a simple word with a whole lot of implication.

I realized something interesting about my expectations… well… that they were ruining my life.

I guess to be fair it wasn’t actually my expectations that were stealing from me, it was my inability to let go of them. I mean seriously, I would clinch those things in my hands until there was no life left in them at all.  I didn’t want to let go.

I would hold on to them like some crazy lunatic who just could not get the message that things were not going to play out like she thought.

My expectations have affected every part of my life, but have probably affected my relationship with Carter the most. They almost functioned as a third person in our relationship. 

I let my expectations call the shots far too often. I would ruin an entire experience because it went differently than I expected it to. It was so stinkin’ silly.

When things didn’t fall in line, I was not ok with it. I felt entitled to my expectations. I felt as if I was owed them. I wanted things to go perfectly, but when they didn’t, I couldn’t find a new “perfect”. I would waste so much time thinking about what “should have been”.

I was missing out on so many things because they were turning out different than I expected.

We should expect wonderful things in this life; however, we should not stop moving forward when things happen that are not expected. It isn’t easy, that’s for sure. But I want to be very clear about something that I discovered along the way.

My life was not the problem.

My husband was not the problem.

My problem was my inability to understand that this life is not lived out according to a pre-written script.

This life is organic and alive. This life is full of twists and turns more beautiful and gut-wrenching than anything that we can possibly imagine.

It is not so much our plans that will indicate what kind of life we have, but the ability to adapt to the change of plans that will define our life.

My sweet friends, aim yourself to the moon, but when you find your experiences falling short of what you hoped, don’t forget to enjoy the stars.

(Yes, that just happened. I referenced the "shoot for the moon" saying. Classic.)

Much love and many blessings, Haley

Would you like to receive inspiring articles about relationships and life challenges straight to your e-mail?  CLICK HERE!!! 

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

Comment below!

Ten Things to Know Before Starting a New Adventure

I am a lover of adventure, which works out well since this life is filled with it. I believe that adventure can be found in our everyday lives. It lies merely in our perception. Adventure can look like moving across the globe, starting a new career, or simply living with a new outlook. Whatever your adventure is, here are a few pointers that I have learned during the adventures that I have taken.

One. Beginning is half the battle.

When you have a dream or an idea, at some point, you need to simply start. Of course, it is good to wait for timing that works for your life, but I would hesitate to wait for the timing to be “perfect”. At some point you must stop talking about what you are going to do and just do it.

Two.  At times, you will want to quit.

Starting something new is always challenging, and most of us don’t enjoy being challenged. At times, the cost feels very high, particularly in moments that seemed discouraging. There are many reasons to quit something, but being “hard” is not a good reason. If it is truly an adventure that you wanted to start, don’t end it early. You must not quit.

Three. Prepare for people’s opinions to be a part of your journey.

Some people will be there to cheer you on and push you forward. Other people will be there to tell you that you should stop or that your adventure is a waste of time. They will tell you how you are doing things wrong. Some people will say nothing at all, and it will leave you guessing what they think. You must not get distracted by any of it. You see, you are not on this adventure for them. You are on this adventure for you. Keep your cheerleaders close though because you will need them when things get tough.

Four. Time will be your friend.

Don’t get overwhelmed by how difficult and time consuming things are in the beginning. With time, things will go smoother and be much simpler. Give yourself the time that you need to figure out how to master your quest.

Five. Breaks are necessary.

When you start something new, you need to allow time for breaks. Let yourself have time to rest whether it be for an hour, a day, a week or a month! Take a break, but don’t quit.

Six. Expect backlash.

This world has a way of hitting us hard, and that is never shown better than when we step out to start something new. Whether it be mean critics, poor timing, bad weather, relationship struggles or financial difficulty, it can feel like this world literally begins to revolt when we step foot on a new journey. Expect backlash. You didn’t start the journey because it was going to be easy. You started this journey because you felt the call for more. Don’t go back.

Seven. The key to your success will be in your expectations.

What are your expectations for your adventure? You must not expect quick success, overwhelming praise, or glorious riches. None of these things will be guaranteed. However, you can expect adventure. Your adventure will give you adventure. You can expect to grow. You can expect to learn about yourself. These things alone must be worth the adventure because nothing else is guaranteed. A true adventurer is driven merely with the desire to push for more out of this life and the desire to live this life to the fullest.  

Eight. Your adventure will make you feel vulnerable.

Starting something new is vulnerable. Always. When you begin to speak out into the world that you are starting a new voyage, the world will have something to say about it. You must be prepared for your journey to feel difficult and vulnerable. I say this not to discourage you, but to prepare you that the journey will most likely hit you where it hurts. The journey will challenge you not only in your strength, but especially in your weakness. The key here is not to lose your vulnerability. Do not allow the voyage to make you bitter or cynical. Vulnerability is one of your most treasured assets. Guard it with your life.

Nine. Your adventure is waiting on you.

No one is waiting to make your dream a reality. No one is going to do it for you. It won’t just fall in your lap and it won’t be served to you on a silver platter. If you want something out of this life, it is up to you and you alone will have to work for it.

Ten. Your adventure will not always feel like an adventure.

This is perhaps the most important thing to understand about adventure. There will be moments of your adventure that feel exhilarating and life changing, but the majority of your moments will feel quite mundane. Most of them will be simply about putting one foot in front of the other. Let’s not ever be under the impression that adventure is about mere excitement. Our adventure is about so much more than how we feel.

For us adventurers, life is simple. It is about getting off of our little behinds and choosing to go and live what is inside of us. We are not dictated by our fears. We are not motivated by others. We are not even driven by our destination.

We are driven by the desire to push ourselves. We are driven by the desire to explore the unknown and are not intimidated by the “what-ifs”.

Some people will love us for our adventure and some people will hate us, but it matters not, because we aren’t doing it for them. We are doing it for ourselves, so when we are at the end of our life, we won’t die with our life still inside of us. We are living it now. Leaving nothing left to be buried in our grave.

DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO OUR E-MAIL LIST, SO YOU NEVER MISS A POST FROM REDEMPTION UNVEILED!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!