Feeling Betrayed by God

I was twenty-two years old the first time that I felt betrayed by God. Up until that point, I had heard other people talk about being betrayed by Him, but not me. I had known and worshiped my God since the beginning of my life and I never knew him to be anything but kind, trustworthy, and reliable. I had no reason to doubt him, but that changed in the spring of 2009 when something very bad happened to someone I love.

During this time, I remember being at my parents’ house, listening to a Christian teacher that had come into town. She was teaching on the faithfulness and goodness of God. I will never forget sitting in the corner, tears in my eyes, unable to listen to her fully because I was completely entangled in my anger.  Sure, a couple of weeks before I would’ve wholeheartedly agreed with everything she said, but not now. I couldn’t.

God had always been my safe place of refuge and now he felt like my ultimate betrayer. I wasn’t sure what our future together would hold and I was in shock.

I felt like a fool.

I felt betrayed.

I was filled with questions and wanted answers. I began to have some pretty blunt words with God about what in the world He was doing up there on that throne of His.

Through the following weeks, months, and years, I have found answers to my questions. Surprisingly, as I sought to hold God accountable, I found that my beliefs turned out to be partially to blame for my feelings of being betrayed.

Here are five misunderstandings that led me to blame my heartache on God.

1- I had a misunderstanding of pain.

Pain used to be my enemy. I constantly tried to avoid it. I had actually dedicated pain as something evil because I hated it so much.

What if I had it all wrong? What if this life wasn’t about avoiding pain?

There can be such purpose in our pain.

Our pain allows us to grow. Our pain offers us an opportunity to change. Our pain allows us to fight for what we believe. Our pain allows us to see inaccurate beliefs that we have about our self, others, or our God. 

God does not mind pain. I do not believe that He enjoys watching people suffer, but He does understand that sometimes to experience great healing it will feel like great pain.

If we want to live our life to the fullest, we must understand that some pain has a purpose. We must not run from our pain. We must face it and process it until it doesn’t have power anymore.

2- I believed that God could/should control people.

God loves free will. Free will means that there will be situations where people make the wrong choice. Sometimes knowingly, sometimes mistakenly, and sometimes because they choose evil.

God does not control me. God doesn’t control you.

I am given the opportunity to have him a part of my life or I can choose not to. I am not forced onto the path that He desires me to take and no one else is either.

To give God credit for the bad things that people do is utterly unfair.

3- I didn’t think I should have to go through hardship.

Truth is, I trusted him to keep me safe. I trusted him to keep them safe. That was the deal, right? I worship God and He offers me some level of protection from the bad things in this life, right? That was the agreement?

Or not?

Simply put, I had a warped view that my faith would protect me from difficulty.

My faith was never designed to remove difficulty from my life. My faith was designed to equip me to flourish during difficulty.

If we believe that our faith is supposed to make us invisible to hardship, we will never enter into the battles that we were designed to conquer. Don’t avoid hardship. Avoiding hardship will steal so much from us because there is much hardship on the path to victory.

4- I didn’t understand God’s love.

This was the biggest lesson that I learned. God loves me and God loves each person that was involved in my betrayal. There is no exception to this. There is nothing that can be done to remove his love. 

God loves.

Period.

I know this sounds like a really great thing, but to be honest, this was hard for me. I was always taught that God loves us unconditionally; however, deep down, I felt like He loved those who obeyed him more. 

I had to learn how to respect the fact that God loves the people that hurt me and that God gives grace to the people who betray me. This was a long journey for me, but ultimately one of the best lessons of my life. 

5- I did not understand God’s ability to redeem.

Because I had never endured such betrayal, I didn’t understand God’s redemption. I did not know that God can heal all things. I didn’t understand that He can actually bring me and everyone involved to complete healing and NOT just as we were before, but even better!

Our God is the greatest writer of success stories. No matter what despair has come our way, God has a path to heal it all.

The greatest sorrow gives way for the best redemption.

It took some time to get answers to all of my questions, but after it was all over I had learned a lot.

Life is hard. Situations can be utterly disappointing and heartbreaking. People will fail us.

But through it all, God is good.