Before I got married, I would often hear the phrase “marriage is hard work”. It was always said as a cautionary statement to those of us unmarried people to prepare for the difficulty that lay ahead. Whenever I heard people say this, I always assumed what they meant by the statement is that marriage is hard work because it is hard to continue to prioritize one another throughout life.

Now, I know the truth.

When I was younger, I thought every relationship was created equal. Of course, as I got older, I realized not every relationship I had was a place for me to be loved, accepted, and appreciated.

For years of my life, I tried to keep track of who I could trust and who I couldn’t. If I found out you did or said something disrespectful about me, I pushed you away. If I believed I could trust you, I brought you close.

It was a constant game of trying to figure out who could be trusted. It was exhausting and left me a bit paranoid that no one could be.

I used to often feel betrayed. I was constantly surprised by the fact that people were not returning the love and effort I was giving them. It made me feel confused, angry, and resentful.

Let me explain to you something I have learned through the years…

I will never forget the very first time that I felt betrayed by God. I was twenty-two years old and something very bad happened to someone I love. Up to this point in my life, God had been a very dependable God for me.

I had heard other people talk about being betrayed by God, but not me. I had known and worshiped him since the beginning of my life and I never knew him as anything but a kind, trustworthy, reliable God. I had no reason to doubt him, but that changed in the spring of 2009.

This situation brought me to not only question God but also to feel angry with him.

I felt betrayed.