When You Feel Hopeless in Your Marriage

Before I got married, I would often hear the phrase “marriage is hard work”. It was always said as a cautionary statement to those of us unmarried people to prepare for the difficulty that lay ahead. Whenever I heard people say this, I always assumed what they meant by the statement is that marriage is hard work because it is hard to continue to prioritize one another throughout life.

Now, I know the truth.

I have been married for 16 years and through the years, I have not only had my own experiences with marital disappointment, but I have had a front-row seat as I have walked with many women through theirs.

So, I’m here to tell you that “yes, marriage is hard work”, but it’s more than that.

Marriage is confusing work.

Marriage is defeating work.

Marriage can even be heartbreaking work.

When we get married, we believe we have picked someone who would always be there for us, would always be safe for us, and would always be honest with us. Sure, we know life is stressful and marriage is hard. But we also know who we married. We believe that while life is hard certain things won’t change.

We know them.

We can trust them.

However, through the years things can become different.

One day, we can wake up and be living in a struggling marriage. We remember people telling us how hard it would be and while what we are experiencing is difficult, “hard” doesn’t feel like the word that best describes it. A better word would be defeating.

Marriage can be defeating.

Many women find themselves in marriages with men they don’t even recognize.

Men who have lied to them (and continue to do so).

Men who are no longer willing to do the work it takes.

Men who are having sex with other women.

Men who aren’t honest about how they are spending their time or their money.

You see, when us women hear that “marriage is hard” we think that we can handle it because we are strong, capable women who are willing to do the work. But it isn’t that simple.

Sometimes, it isn’t “work” that needs to be done, but betrayal that has to be dealt with.

Because surprisingly, marriage is filled with betrayal. Both kinds, Blindside Betrayal and Lifestyle Betrayal. Blindside betrayal is when we have no idea something is going on and one day everything comes crashing down and our world is upside down. Lifestyle betrayal is much less dramatic but no less defeating. It is a lifestyle of small betrayals where the man we married is no longer the safe, supportive, sincere person we thought we had beside us.

So while marriage is hard, yes, and it takes a lot of work, yes. It is so much more than “hard work”.

Many women are faced with the very real reality that their marriage has become so utterly disappointing and they are beyond exhausted from the work they have put into it.

It’s not that they are no longer willing to do “the work” it is that they have done the “work” and don’t know what else to do. What else can be done?

If you are reading this and feel defeated in your marriage, I want to encourage you that there is hope. There is hope for you to move forward through this deep experience of betrayal.

You need to be encouraged and you need a plan. Good thing. I have both for you.

I am hosting a FREE, 40 minute Masterclass that covers HOW and WHY betrayal happens. This class covers all types of betrayal, but is perfect for anyone who feels disappointed by their husband!