“Well… our house is on fire.”

Carter isn’t one for jokes and the statement seemed surprisingly calm. Too calm.

I heard him clearly, but still felt puzzled.

Instinctively I replied, “What? What did you say?”

 “Our house is on fire.”

Again calm, but a bit shakier. He didn’t have to explain. Somewhere in my gut I just knew… it was serious.

“Did you call 911?”

“Yes.”

“I’m coming.”...

There I was with a long list of prayer request, praying to a God who didn’t seem to be listening. I had made it very clear the things I needed him to do for me and they were all really good things. I couldn’t understand why He wouldn’t work in my life.

Did He not care?

Of course, I had problems before this, but this was the first time I felt overwhelmingly surrounded by negative circumstances and could not see a way out.

During this time, I found myself getting back into my pajamas in the middle of the day, crawling into bed and crying, as I prayed to a God who seemed determined to stay silent.

I was full of anxiety and was deeply discouraged.

Until…

I will never forget the very first time that I felt betrayed by God. I was twenty-two years old and something very bad happened to someone I love. Up to this point in my life, God had been a very dependable God for me.

I had heard other people talk about being betrayed by God, but not me. I had known and worshiped him since the beginning of my life and I never knew him as anything but a kind, trustworthy, reliable God. I had no reason to doubt him, but that changed in the spring of 2009.

This situation brought me to not only question God but also to feel angry with him.

I felt betrayed.

Love isn't always hard. But, often times, it is. It can be hard to love our spouses, our friends, our families, our homes, our jobs... or our lives.

I have yet to meet a "lover" who has not also experienced the painful kiss of disappointment, betrayal, and heartache.

When we love, we will inevitably experience disappointment and feel pain. We can slowly determine that the cost of love is too high because it hurts so much. Through the many disappointments that we experience it is easy to choose to love less. 

Despite all of my experiences that have taught me that love is quite costly, I have determined that the cost of not loving is far greater.   

To lose my love is to lose my life...

“Well… our house is on fire.”

Carter isn’t one for jokes and the statement seemed surprisingly calm. Too calm.

I heard him clearly, but still felt puzzled.

Instinctively I replied, “What? What did you say?”

 “Our house is on fire.”

Again calm, but a bit shakier. He didn’t have to explain. Somewhere in my gut I just knew… it was serious.

“Did you call 911?”

“Yes.”

“I’m coming.”...