Why Doesn't God Care?
There I was with a long list of prayer requests, praying to a God who didn’t seem to be listening. I had made it very clear the things I needed him to do for me and they were all really good things. I couldn’t understand why He wouldn’t work in my life.
Did He not care?
Of course, I had problems before this, but this was the first time I felt overwhelmingly surrounded by negative circumstances and could not see a way out.
During this time, I found myself getting back into my pajamas in the middle of the day, crawling into bed and crying, as I prayed to a God who seemed determined to stay silent.
I was full of anxiety and was deeply discouraged.
Until…
One day, I was reading my Bible and came across a scripture in Romans that stopped me in my tracks.
And changed everything.
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.”
Wait.
These words hit me like a ton of bricks.
My present sufferings are somehow connected to my glory? But how? How in the world is suffering needed for glory? Isn’t suffering the opposite of glory?
The next sentence blew me away…
“For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.”
What in the world??
I was shocked to read suffering had any connection to glory and now this scripture was saying somehow creation itself was invested in this process? Creation was waiting… for me? What did all of this mean? I didn’t know, but I was determined to dive in deeper.
I realized I needed to figure out what the connection was between suffering and glory because this made no sense to me.
I decided I was all in.
“Luckily”, I found myself in a season of suffering and decided to use this time to learn. I dedicated myself and I promised to give it all the time it took. (Spoiler alert: It took years.)
For the first time in my life, I wasn’t trying to get out of my pain. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t looking to blame someone for my circumstances. For the first time in my life, I chose to be still in the darkness.
This process of discovery took me years to go through. There was no magic that made my life all come together. Many of my circumstances stayed the same and the things I prayed continually went unanswered. I experienced so much anxiety and exhaustion. I often felt like I was being squeezed and could hardly breathe.
I didn’t feel strong because I wasn’t. I was more weak and broken than I had ever been in my entire life.
And it was there, in my brokenness, I found my strength.
It was only in my suffering that I came face to face with my greatest fears and I was presented with my worst nightmares.
It was then that I finally saw myself for who I really was.
I learned I had been living with a deep need to feel in control of my life and keep things in order. I began to understand I had a lot of fear about my life not going how I expected it to go.
I never realized until this how much anxiety I had about my relationships.
I discovered I was leaning on my husband too much to give me confidence. I uncovered I had a fear of making a wrong financial decision and hurting my family. I realized I was afraid I was going to fail my friends and they would leave me. I recognized I loved to judge people who disappointed or hurt me and blame them for any of my unkind actions. I came to the realization that I had a deep fear of being misunderstood which was keeping me limited. I learned I was afraid I was going to make a mistake in raising my kids. Actually, I was afraid to make any mistakes at all.
I knew I was not perfect but to be honest I had no idea I was this broken. I had never seen these things within myself because I had never let myself see them.
It was very difficult to realize I wasn't the person I thought I was.
Before this, I was so determined to be the “best me” I had never learned to stop and look in the mirror to see the person I actually was. I kept thinking I simply needed to try harder so all of the bad parts of myself would go away.
When I first read those words they made no sense to me, now it seems so clear. It was only when I stopped avoiding from my problems I realized how helpful they could be for me.
Most of us spend our lives trying to avoid suffering and praying our way out of hard things.
We have no idea that this lifestyle is keeping us from becoming the great person we always hoped we would be. We only see our problems as a hinderance to our life, not the key to life itself.
many Of us feel betrayed by God because he won’t remove our suffering. I wonder if God ever feels betrayed by us because we won’t choose to Heal and become the person he created us to be.
After almost a decade on this journey, I am convinced, God wants us to be free. More than anything he wants to heal us, equip us, and launch us into our destiny. Unfortunately, we are obsessed with how we feel and our healing involves a lot of pain.
Creation is waiting for a group of people who have stood the test of their suffering and have risen out of the ashes stronger than before.
This group of people is no longer driven by their fears because they have faced them in the darkness. These people are no longer seeking to feel important because they know they are. These people are no longer slaves to their emotions and often choose to do things they don’t feel like doing. They are no longer looking to get out of hard situations because they know great things will come from it.