It Is Vital My Kids Learn This One Skill...
There are so many things I hope to teach my children. In many ways, teaching them all the things I hope to feels like an impossible task. However, there are a few skills that I focus heavily on to teach my kids. I believe one of the very best things I can do is teach my children…
Their choices matter.
A lot.
One way I teach them the power of their choices is to not remove all the possibilities to make wrong ones. I keep some temptation in reach so they get to choose for themselves.
For instance, when my daughter was three years old she got a makeup set. I put it in a drawer she could reach, but I told her she was only allowed to use the makeup when she asked and I approved. This proved to be a struggle for her. She loved her makeup and wanted to use it whenever she wanted. She didn’t want to ask and she didn’t want to have any rules with her makeup.
This provided her an opportunity to learn about choices and to practice self-control.
The first time she used it without asking, I told her she had lost the privilege of the makeup for a certain length of time but I kept it in the same drawer.
I didn’t remove the choice.
I gave her another opportunity to respect or disrespect the rule.
I explained if she used the makeup again without asking, I would put it in a place she couldn’t reach for a much longer time. Ultimately, if she wasn’t willing to respect the rules she wouldn’t get to keep the makeup and we could try again when she was older.
Through the years, she used restraint at times and other times not so much. She has lost the privilege of makeup for weeks at a time and kept it for months at a time.
The makeup has been up high and the makeup has been down low.
When she chose to ask BEFORE using it, I made a big deal out of how respectful SHE had chosen to be. I would always tell her I knew how hard it was for her to ask before using it. I always clarified that it was her choice and she had made a great, respectful choice.
I would celebrate her self-control because self-control is something to celebrate.
You may be asking yourself, why would I put myself through this? Why not put the makeup on the top shelf so I didn’t have to deal with the hassle?
Simple.
This has nothing to do with makeup.
This is about my job to prepare my children for the world. This is about raising human beings that can be around something they want and refrain from taking it. This is about learning they don’t always get to do whatever they want.
This is about learning respect. Both, respect for authority and respect for boundaries.
This is one example of hundreds of times I have given my children a choice to control themselves… or not to.
When I set a boundary, I hope they will respect it, but truthfully, when they don’t I am given a grand opportunity. I am given an opportunity to teach them I can be trusted when I speak and I will follow through on what I say. I am given the opportunity to teach them their choices matter and they will reap what they sow.
I am given the opportunity for them to fail and have to face it. I am given the opportunity to show them grace, speak truth to them, and forgive them. I am given the opportunity to give them another chance. Of course, after the consequence has been fulfilled.
I am not going to wait until my children are teenagers and I realize it is too late for me to teach them self-control and they have to learn it the hard way with much larger consequences.
I hope they can learn in these early years how much their choices matter. I hope they can understand how hard it can be to control themselves, but there is great pride in doing so.
My dream for my children is they can be adults who are capable of owning their choices and controlling themselves.
Even when it’s something as “tempting” as a brand new makeup set…
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