It Is Vital My Kids Learn This One Skill...

There are so many things I hope to teach my children. In many ways, teaching them all the things I hope to feels like an impossible task. However, there are a few skills that I focus heavily on to teach my kids. I believe one of the very best things I can do is teach my children…

Their choices matter.

A lot.

One way I teach them the power of their choices is to not remove all the possibilities to make wrong ones. I keep some temptation in reach so they get to choose for themselves.

For instance, when my daughter was three years old she got a makeup set. I put it in a drawer she could reach, but I told her she was only allowed to use the makeup when she asked and I approved. This proved to be a struggle for her. She loved her makeup and wanted to use it whenever she wanted. She didn’t want to ask and she didn’t want to have any rules with her makeup.

This provided her an opportunity to learn about choices and to practice self-control.

The first time she used it without asking, I told her she had lost the privilege of the makeup for a certain length of time but I kept it in the same drawer.

I didn’t remove the choice.

I gave her another opportunity to respect or disrespect the rule.

I explained if she used the makeup again without asking, I would put it in a place she couldn’t reach for a much longer time. Ultimately, if she wasn’t willing to respect the rules she wouldn’t get to keep the makeup and we could try again when she was older.

Through the years, she used restraint at times and other times not so much. She has lost the privilege of makeup for weeks at a time and kept it for months at a time.

The makeup has been up high and the makeup has been down low.

When she chose to ask BEFORE using it, I made a big deal out of how respectful SHE had chosen to be. I would always tell her I knew how hard it was for her to ask before using it. I always clarified that it was her choice and she had made a great, respectful choice.

I would celebrate her self-control because self-control is something to celebrate.

You may be asking yourself, why would I put myself through this? Why not put the makeup on the top shelf so I didn’t have to deal with the hassle?

Simple.

This has nothing to do with makeup.

This is about my job to prepare my children for the world. This is about raising human beings that can be around something they want and refrain from taking it. This is about learning they don’t always get to do whatever they want.

This is about learning respect. Both, respect for authority and respect for boundaries.

This is one example of hundreds of times I have given my children a choice to control themselves… or not to.

When I set a boundary, I hope they will respect it, but truthfully, when they don’t I am given a grand opportunity. I am given an opportunity to teach them I can be trusted when I speak and I will follow through on what I say. I am given the opportunity to teach them their choices matter and they will reap what they sow.

I am given the opportunity for them to fail and have to face it. I am given the opportunity to show them grace, speak truth to them, and forgive them. I am given the opportunity to give them another chance. Of course, after the consequence has been fulfilled.

I am not going to wait until my children are teenagers and I realize it is too late for me to teach them self-control and they have to learn it the hard way with much larger consequences.

I hope they can learn in these early years how much their choices matter. I hope they can understand how hard it can be to control themselves, but there is great pride in doing so.

My dream for my children is they can be adults who are capable of owning their choices and controlling themselves.

Even when it’s something as “tempting” as a brand new makeup set…

 Would you like to receive inspiring articles about relationships and life challenges straight to your e-mail? CLICK HERE!!!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

Comment below!

Having One Child Was Harder than Having Four

Motherhood is hard. Period. Whether you have one, two, or twenty children you will feel stretched to the max. However, I recently had my fourth child and I have been surprised by how easily our life has transitioned with our most recent addition. I have been thinking back to what life was like as a new mom and I can’t help but feel it has been easier to have four children than it was to have one.

Let me explain…

I know how I like to parent.

When I had my first child I sought a lot of advice. I quickly learned what works great for someone else doesn’t necessarily work for me. It took a long time to find my groove, but in time, I did. Now, I understand all of us parent very differently. What works for you may or may not work for me and that is perfectly fine!

I understand none of it lasts forever… actually, it all goes fast.

Our first child was a happy baby, but she didn’t like to sleep. I will never forget living in a daze for months wondering if this was going to be the rest of my life. Is this motherhood? Feeling like a zombie?

How are all these other moms walking around looking like normal people?

I felt so overwhelmed. Now I know that no matter how hard a stage is, whether it is a sleepless baby or a tantrum throwing toddler, none of it lasts forever. Actually, looking back, it goes very quickly which helps me not get so overwhelmed by frustrating stages.

Zipper pajamas.

Pajamas that zip, gripe water for hiccups, and muslin blankets, these are just a few of the things that I rely heavily on for my life with a baby. Simply put, I know the products I like and the systems I use to take care of my babies.

My life has not been turned upside down.

My life before kids was free of the chaos that children bring. After we had our daughter, our world was turned upside down. Crying, sleepless nights, bath times, and so many other changes came roaring into my life. After one child, I had to learn how I wanted to deal with all of these things. Eight years later, our life is still crazy, but we are no longer surprised by it! Adding another baby doesn’t seem so different.

I’m not alone. I have three helpers.

With our most recent child, our older children have been so helpful! They all love to help take care of their little brother. If each of them help me with ten small things a day, like putting their brothers pacifier in or getting me a diaper, that is thirty things I DIDN’T have to do! My oldest daughter has even been getting her brother dressed before school. She loves it and it is such a blessing!

I’ve learned its ok to still do the things I like to do.

For months after we had our first child, I felt consumed by motherhood. I honestly felt like I lost myself for a while. I often felt bad if I did things outside of being a mom. Now, I don’t feel bad. I have learned that it is not only helpful, but necessary for me to be a good mom.

I have passions and while my children are one of my greatest passions, they are not my only one.

I’ve learned babies cry.

Spoiler alert: babies cry. When I was a new mom, I felt every time my baby fussed or cried something must be wrong. I’ve learned, sometimes babies just cry. We can do our best to soothe them and meet their needs, but even the happiest babies will have moments that are hard to comfort and this is ok. This doesn’t mean anything about my mothering or if I have a good baby or not. It simply means, babies cry.

I know I’m a good mom and I’m don’t have to prove it.

Becoming a mom is stressful. Of all the things to fail at, I really didn’t want to fail at raising humans. I felt like I had to prove I was a good mom. Now, I get it. I don’t have to prove anything. I now know I am the best mom for my kids and I am a great one. Do I fail? Absolutely! But at the end of the day, I am raising amazing human beings and I have a built a confidence through the years that I didn’t have at first.

I don’t need this kid to be anything for me.

When I was expecting my first child, I had so many hopes and dreams. I wanted to have the perfect nursery, the perfect outfits, and the perfect child. See anything that might prove to be a problem here? Yeah, all of it. (Actually, her nursery was pretty perfect.) Obviously, no matter how much I tried, perfection was not going to happen. With my first, I put so much pressure and expectation on the experience. Now, four kids later, I don’t feel pressure, I feel free to enjoy the experience without the expectation for it to be perfect. I have “been there done that” and carry so much less pressure for my fourth sweet baby.

I don’t feel the need to keep it all together.

Motherhood is hard. No matter how long I do it and no matter how many kids I have there are moments I simply need to have a breakdown. I have to reach out to other moms for advice and support. Motherhood isn’t meant to be conquered, it is meant to be experienced. And that experience includes a lot of tears.

Motherhood is a crazy ride. Each year, heck, each day is a brand new adventure! I am no longer surprised by the chaos of it all. I know that some nights go as planned and some don’t.

Having four kids has a lot of crazy moments, but so does having one…

  Would you like to receive inspiring articles about relationships and life challenges straight to your e-mail? CLICK HERE!!!

FOLLOW US ON Facebook AND Instagram!

Comment below!