I’m Offended {And I’m Missing the Point}

In recent weeks, I have been obsessing over the experience of being offended. I’ve been studying it. Listening. Watching. Questioning.

Offense is beyond interesting.

Offense feels like passion.

It feels righteous.

It feels justified.

Being offended makes us feel powerful and productive. When we get offended, it feels very important. It almost feels as if we are getting something accomplished. Which is quite intriguing.

Offense happens when someone disrespects us, devalues us, or disagrees with us.

We also take offense when someone does not respect our pain or validate a loss that we have experienced.

When we are offended, we feel justified to say, feel, or do, whatever we want.

Free pass.

Perhaps we don’t say whatever we want to the person, but we will undoubtedly find someone to express our outrage.  We want to be told that we are right in everything that we feel and justified in everything that we said.

Our offense keeps us laser focused on them and their failure. It frees us of any responsibility to own our reactions, emotions or perceptions.

Being offended is centered on the priority to blame them for everything, including the emotions that have risen within us.

When we are offended, grace and compassion are not necessary. We are not looking for a different perspective. We are looking for validation. We want every emotion that we feel to be respected.

Being offended feels powerful, but it’s not. It is actually void of power. We are not valiant. We are emotional.

It is not hard to follow our emotions. It is hard to challenge them.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about changing viewpoints to what the opposing side is saying. I am talking about taking responsibility for the extreme passion, anger or hurt that we allow to go unchecked and unresolved.

We must take responsibility for ourselves.

Our emotions. Our words. Our actions.

We must own them. We should prioritize understanding them. We should be dedicated to maturing them.

Being offended feels productive, but it is only truly productive if we use the experience as an opportunity to grow.

There is so much to learn about ourselves when we are offended.

Why do we feel the way we feel? Why are we so upset? Why are we unable to disagree respectfully? Why did what they said bother or hurt us so much? Why is it important that they agree with us?

Next time we find ourselves offended let’s try to resist the urge to blame.

Next time, let’s embrace the opportunity to grow.

Surprising enough, our job in this life is not to change them.

It is to grow ourselves.

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How Dare You Offend Me

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In our world today, we have many outlets to share our views. With that comes many opportunities to feel offended by the opinions that we hear. When we are offended, it is easy to make the choice to treat others poorly.

How do we react when we find ourselves offended by the opinions and actions of others?

Have you ever sat back and watched an offended person speak their mind? An offended voice draws in two types of people, the people that strongly agree and strongly disagree. No one is looking to change their own opinion or learn from one another. It’s just two sides, looking to prove their points and for people to agree with them.

When we are offended, we aren’t concerned with finding a resolution. We only care about being right. Interestingly, it feels like we have accomplished something after we go on a rant, but what have we really accomplished? Being offended gives us a false sense of being productive.

We need to clear something up. Merely being offended does not make us right. Being offended simply makes us opinionated. Also, contrary to popular behavior, being offended does not justify us to say whatever we want. It is not noble to have opinions, it is quite easy actually. It is not hard to get defensive. It is not challenging to be angry.

When we are offended, we look down on others who don’t agree with us. May I ask, what makes us right all the time? Being offended isn’t a matter of opinion. Being offended is a matter of pride.

An offended heart says,
“How dare you have a different opinion than me and share it in my presence.”

An offended voice doesn’t bring peace, it brings chaos. Each voice is louder than the next, because that’s what offense does, it escalates emotions and situations.

When disagreeing, some people express themselves more effectively than others. Many people have great things to say but use a horrible delivery system. Some of the most beautiful causes are being lost because of an offended voice. May I suggest that when expressing ourselves, we use our words with kindness, hope, and love? May I suggest that using a tone of intolerance, frustration and annoyance will not bring the change that we are hoping for?

The way we treat people that we disagree with says a lot about our character, I would suggest that it says more about us than our opinions themselves.

The response of an offended man says more about the offended man than the offense.

Over and over, I am told that I should not value a company, a faith, a person, or an opinion because it is different than mine. I’m not suggesting that we stop having opinions. Actually, I believe we should embrace our opinions while respecting theirs.

There are many dividing lines that are being made in the world right now, and everyone is demanding that we pick a side. This is perfectly fine, but I will not stand on a side and call everyone else stupid. I refuse. We all have topics that we are very passionate about, but I believe that how we treat the people on the other side of that line matters.  

We must choose to respect people, even if we cannot relate to them.

Our opinions tell a story of the life that we have lived. They tell of our relationships, our hopes, our hurts, our disappointments and our hardships. Our views are a product of our experiences. We all see the world differently, and that is a beautiful thing.

I want to be able to live alongside people who don’t agree with me. I want to choose to show kindness, even when it’s hard. I will show you respect not because you agree with me, but because I value you.

I have great friends that I completely disagree with on faith, politics, parenting, family, work and many other things in life.

You know what? I don’t care.

I don’t need them to agree with me.

I believe they are living what they think is best for them and their family. Even though I see things differently, I respect their experiences and views. I am not trying to manipulate them to believe the things I believe.

I value them for being them.

I am enjoying them, today, with all of our differences in the way we see the world. Giving them the grace to be where they are, as I hope they are giving to me.

Perhaps the greatest change we can bring to this world is not our opinions, but our love.