Are You Being Taken Advantage Of? Here’s the Solution.

Have you ever felt taken advantage of? I’m not talking about being lied to or stolen from, I’m talking about situations when we helped someone out and felt they expected more than they should or they seemed ungrateful for how much we did for them.

Whether by a friend, family member, spouse, or coworker, most of us have felt like we have been taken advantage of at one point or another. These situations can be quite frustrating to experience, but I have discovered the solution.

Time and time again, I have realized being taken advantage of is simply a need for two things:

boundaries

and

communication.

It is an opportunity for us to use our words and set appropriate boundaries.

But let’s be clear, If we offer to help someone out, we should do so without the expectation they will pay you back for it. If we expect them to pay us back, we must be clear from the start of our expectations.

We should never expect payment for our kindness.

If we are expecting something in return we need to understand this is not a gift.

This is a debt.

Secondly, we need to understand how situations change. Maybe we offered to help someone out by babysitting, paying a bill, house sitting, helping them at work, assisting them financially, or any other assistance, and when we agreed, we were happy to help.

We offered our assistance with a pure heart, no strings attached, but then, at some point something changed. Our once kind offer changed into something we resent the person for.

We need to understand this does not necessarily mean this person has done anything wrong. It simply means that it is time for us to have a conversation about the agreement moving forward.

It is time to set a boundary.

Unfortunately, many people really suck at having conversations and setting new boundaries. This is a vital skill we all need to learn if we don’t want to feel taken advantage of.

You see, it is simple to never be taken advantage of again:

First, don’t expect payment for helping someone out.

Second, whenever someone is expecting you to give more than you are willing to give, reassess the agreement and have a conversation.

Lastly, don’t help if you aren’t actually wanting to help.

It really is as simple as that.

As humans, we like to blame people. We like for our problems to be other people’s fault. Sometimes our problems are caused by other people; however, when it comes to being taken advantage of this is not the problem of someone else. If we have been taken advantage of there is only one person to blame.

Ourselves.

Because we were unwilling to say “no” or “not anymore”.

I invite you to never feel taken advantage of again. I invite you to say these words,

“No, I will not do that for you.”

You see my friends, we hold the key to so many of our frustrations and annoyances in life, the question is will we do anything about it?

Not Every Relationship Is Safe... And That's Ok

When I was younger, I thought every relationship was created equal. Of course, as I got older, I realized not every relationship I had was a place for me to be loved, accepted, and appreciated.

For years of my life, I tried to keep track of who I could trust and who I couldn’t. If I found out you did or said something disrespectful about me, I pushed you away. If I believed I could trust you, I brought you close.

It was a constant game of trying to figure out who could be trusted. It was exhausting and left me a bit paranoid that no one could be.

I used to often feel betrayed. I was constantly surprised by the fact that people were not returning the love and effort I was giving them. It made me feel confused, angry, and resentful.

Let me explain to you something I have learned through the years…

Every relationship that you have in your life will fall under one of two categories:

A relationship that offers you a safe place to heal

Or

A relationship that offers you an opportunity to grow.

I used to think that every relationship in my life was intended to be a place for me to find acceptance and love, but this is not the case. We will have very few people in our life that can be trusted to love, honor and value us consistently and unconditionally.

It is silly and naïve for me to expect people to love me as I love them.

Who I am and how I love are decisions I am making for my OWN life. It is not and should not be dependent on the choices that people around me are making. These two things have nothing to do with one another.

The way I love is because of the choices I have made in my life. It has cost me a lot to learn how to be the friend that I am. It has been hard and incredibly disappointing.

If it is so difficult, why do it? Because it is important to me.

It is important to me to be a loving person. It is important to me to be a kind person. It is important to me to be a thoughtful friend. It is important to me to be a safe place for the people in my life and a place that offers unconditional love.

This doesn’t mean everyone in my life believes the same.

Don’t get me wrong, I have relationships that I receive acceptance, love, respect, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, and kindness. I do. These relationships love me no matter what. They give me a safe place to fail and to be broken. However, not every relationship will be this for me.

How well a person can love me determines how open I am with them, but it will not determine how much I value them.

It is imperative we learn not all of our relationships are in our lives for the same reason. Some of our relationships offer a safe place to heal and some of our relationships offer us an experience to grow our love. Both of these things can be equally valuable to our life.

Not every relationship in our life should be about what we are receiving, but sometimes it is about who it can teach us to be.

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