It’s Ok to Make Mistakes {But Not Really}

“It’s ok to make mistakes.”

This is something I have heard since I was a kid. As I have gotten older, I have become increasingly aware of how untrue this statement is.

When is the last time that you made a mistake? A real mistake. How was it handled? Were you given grace for your mistake? Shame? Consequence? Punishment? Retribution?

More often than not, I have seen people pay for the mistakes they have made. We don’t act like it is just “ok” to make a mistake. Small or large we like people to be held accountable for their missteps.

We like things to make sense and people paying for their mistakes makes sense.

There was a time in my life I became a little bit obsessed with trying not to make a mistake. Let’s say this a bit differently…

There was a time in my life that I tried to be perfect.

And I failed.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be perfect. (Big surprise.)

The more I tried not to make a mistake, the more aware I became of my mistakes, and the more I obsessed over them. I had no ability to offer myself grace because I felt so aware of my inadequacy. I felt like a failure.

My life became quite miserable.

I just didn’t know how to make mistakes and be ok with it. I did not have the skill to fail well. To be honest, I am still learning how to fail appropriately.

It is hard for me to feel it is simply “ok” to make a mistake. It doesn’t feel ok.

I often replay the experience over and over in my head. Each time a fresh wave of shame is there to make my face feel warm and shoulders feel tight. I do not like to say things I shouldn’t have said and do things I shouldn’t have done.

 I do not like to get things wrong. I like to get things right.

However, it seems that my mistakes are a part of my life that I am unable to remove. Maybe that is the point?

Maybe this life should be less about trying to strive for perfection and more about living in grace.

Abundant grace made available for any mistake that has been and that is yet to come. Grace for the mistakes and grace for the failures. Grace for others and grace for ourselves.

Instead of attempting to live in a façade of perfection, I will choose to embrace the messy reality of who I am. I own the fact that I am not perfect and I never will be. I embrace it and I will choose to be kind to myself as I do my best in this life.

I can guarantee that I will not do it perfectly, but that’s ok because…

“It’s ok to make mistakes.”

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Learning to Fail

Recently, I was talking to Carter and was anxiously telling him about a failure. You know those moments that you are face to face with the inevitable fact that you have failed something or someone?

Ugh! I HATE those moments.

I do.

I was worked up and nervously talking away. When all of the sudden Carter stopped me, put his arms around me, looked me in the eyes and said two amazingly perfect words.

“Be Free.”

He continued to tell me that it was fine, that I was fine and that I had to learn to let these things go.

It was fine.

I was fine.

For the past decade of my life, I have been trying to learn how to fail and after ten plus years, I still don’t know exactly how to do it. Of course, I can fail. Failing is inevitable, but I am still learning how to fail well.

How can I still be here after so many years of believing in grace?

How is it possible that I am still so affected by my failure? Why are my limitations, mistakes, and misunderstandings so scary to me? I have come so far, but I still have a long ways to go.

In the past, when I have failed, I felt the need to cover up my failure and hide my mistakes. At the same time, I would defend my value as if it was something that needed defending. 

During my failure, there was always a little voice taunting me... What if my fears are true? What if my fail is a sign that I not only failed, but I am a failure?? But worse, what if I am a failure who is destined to fail forever?

What if I not only got it wrong but what if I am wrong?  What if I don't just make mistakes. What if I am the mistake? 

(insert tear.)

Several years ago, I became quite aware that my fear of failure could have the potential to steal my entire life from me. I rallied myself, gathered some peeps around me to help me stay on track, and I went forth into the world determined not to let my fear of failure steal from my life. 

I really don't enjoy failure. I am more of an enjoyer of success. Success is fun, but I don’t believe that we learn jack squat during our successes. Now our failures are a different story... our failures are full of opportunities.

Our failures show us our fears.

Our failures show us our weaknesses.

Our failures give us an opportunity to experience grace.

Do not get me wrong, I still do not enjoy failing, but I have learned to value the process. Learning to fail has taught me a lot about who I am and the fears that are within me. I have and will continue to fail. And that's ok.

We must embrace the role that failure will play in our lives.

Our goal should not be to not fail.

Our goal should be to learn how.

My fails still bother me at times, but no matter how hard I fall on my face I choose to be kind to myself. I evaluate my intentions and determine if they need any correction. If they do, I own it. When I struggle to have grace for myself, I ask someone to help me move forward without shame.

Perhaps the greatest change I have made is that I no longer act like it isn't happening. I face it so that I can learn from it. I choose to grow instead of choosing to remain the same. I own my issues. I own my mistakes. 

I own my failure.

I choose to heal and move forward fully knowing that I will fail again, but no longer allowing it to keep me from living the life I was meant to live.

Finding freedom in facing my brokenness. Do you want to join me?  CLICK HERE!!!