Ruining My Life... One Expectation at a Time

Hopes. Dreams. Expectations. Plans. Goals. Desires.

They are all wonderfully beautiful things... until they aren’t.

There is an art to having expectations. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Right where they push you forward, but don’t hold you back.

I have always been a very positive person and I have never been short on hopes for my future. These hopes turned into plans and then I would then execute those plans. As I did, I expected everything to go exactly according to my very sunny expectations.

Expectations.

Such a simple word with a whole lot of implication.

I realized something interesting about my expectations… well… that they were ruining my life.

I guess to be fair it wasn’t actually my expectations that were stealing from me, it was my inability to let go of them. I mean seriously, I would clinch those things in my hands until there was no life left in them at all.  I didn’t want to let go.

I would hold on to them like some crazy lunatic who just could not get the message that things were not going to play out like she thought.

My expectations have affected every part of my life, but have probably affected my relationship with Carter the most. They almost functioned as a third person in our relationship. 

I let my expectations call the shots far too often. I would ruin an entire experience because it went differently than I expected it to. It was so stinkin’ silly.

When things didn’t fall in line, I was not ok with it. I felt entitled to my expectations. I felt as if I was owed them. I wanted things to go perfectly, but when they didn’t, I couldn’t find a new “perfect”. I would waste so much time thinking about what “should have been”.

I was missing out on so many things because they were turning out different than I expected.

We should expect wonderful things in this life; however, we should not stop moving forward when things happen that are not expected. It isn’t easy, that’s for sure. But I want to be very clear about something that I discovered along the way.

My life was not the problem.

My husband was not the problem.

My problem was my inability to understand that this life is not lived out according to a pre-written script.

This life is organic and alive. This life is full of twists and turns more beautiful and gut-wrenching than anything that we can possibly imagine.

It is not so much our plans that will indicate what kind of life we have, but the ability to adapt to the change of plans that will define our life.

My sweet friends, aim yourself to the moon, but when you find your experiences falling short of what you hoped, don’t forget to enjoy the stars.

(Yes, that just happened. I referenced the "shoot for the moon" saying. Classic.)

Much love and many blessings, Haley

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Thriving Through Difficulty

I used to spend my life trying to stay on top of my problems. I used to try to avoid pain and difficulty. I used to find myself striving for perfection. Striving for happiness. No longer. I have now realized that this life is not about striving for perfection either within me or within my circumstances.

I believe that so many of us are missing our full potential of this life because our goal is to “be happy and avoid pain”. The problem with avoiding pain is that there are parts of the healing process that feel painful. Growing and learning will never be easy. If we try to avoid pain, we will deny ourselves the opportunity to truly heal.

Our problems aren’t the problem. Our problem is that we allow our problems to dictate our happiness. If our contentment is based on our circumstances, our contentment will always be at risk of being taken.

Our circumstances should not be given the power to take our peace.

We must not view our circumstances as the problem. We can easily spend days, weeks, months and years of our life striving to rid ourselves of problems. The issue with living like this is that no matter how hard we try, there will always be another problem at our door. Always.

We must stop viewing our difficulties as our enemy.

Our difficulties are not what keeps us stuck, our inability to grow is.

We must begin to understand that healing in this life will come at a cost. It will cost us something to grow. It will cost us to let go of our expectations and choose to enjoy the life we do have.

There is such beauty in difficulty. Our difficulty gives us the opportunity to heal. Our difficulty gives us an opportunity to choose beauty even when we don’t see it.

Our challenges give us the opportunity to choose grace.

Our fears gives us the opportunity to choose faith.

Our discouragement gives us the opportunity to choose hope.

When we struggle we are given the opportunity to choose things that we don’t feel. We cannot underestimate the value of this experience. In a world that says we should never deny our feelings, it is a very powerful moment when we realize the best thing we can do at times is to deny our emotions.

We must go on the journey to find peace. A peace that passes understanding and is not blown to and fro by every wind. We must become strong and find a firm place to stand. We must not allow ourselves to be controlled by our outward circumstances, but our inward strength.

We must find a way to soar above the storm. We must find a way to thrive during difficulty. We must. Our life depends on it.

Finding peace is what this life is about. If you haven’t found it…

keep searching.

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Finding Happiness in Our Lives

Most of us have things that we want to happen in our lives. We have our plans. We have our goals. We have our hopes.

What about right now? Are you enjoying your life? Are you content? Are you happy? If not, why? At times, it can feel like the reason we aren’t happy is because we don’t have everything we want.

“If I only had this or that, I would be content.”

“If only this would happen, I would be happy.”

Once I finish school… or get a better job… or get married… or have kids… or get a bigger house… or a different spouse… or get more vacation time… or a new boss… or a nicer car… or more money… or… Once ____ happens I will finally be happy.

So is that how it works? Is happiness found in us getting everything that we want?

I don’t think so.

How often have we thought something would make us happy, but then it came and it didn’t satisfy us? Or, it made us happy for a while, but then we found ourselves no longer content and needing more. I wonder how many moments of our life we have missed because we were waiting for the next thing… the “better” thing.

Happiness is not found in getting what we want.

Happiness is found in being appreciative for what we have.

We must find a way to be content with what we have today. If we never find a way to be content in our “today’s” we will never be able to be content with our “tomorrow’s”.

I am afraid that too many of us have an idea in our mind that we will one day *arrive* to our happy place and then life will be wonderful.

We don’t *arrive* to our happiness.

We choose it.

We must stop believing the lie that our circumstances must change for us to be happy. True happiness comes when we can find a way to be appreciative, despite the fact that our circumstances are not perfect.

I have come to realize that perfection in life is a fleeting condition.

I am all for having goals and dreams, but these are things that should give us hope, not discouragement. We must find a way to live peacefully with both, our desires for the future and the reality of our present life.

We can't always get what we want, but we can choose to be appreciative for what we have.

Our discontentment is in our perception, but thankfully, we hold the keys to changing that.

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