I Am Insecure: Part Three {Rejection Sucks}

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Welcome back to our series on insecurity! Part One, we talked about finding “our person” and Part Two, we discussed facing our insecurity. We touched on it in Part One, but this week, we are going to further discuss the fear and risk of rejection when we are honest about our insecurities.  

Rejection sucks.

I hate it.

  This is where all of this “talk” about insecurities becomes very difficult. In a perfect world, I would simply say…

“Let’s choose to confront our insecurities and talk them out with someone in our life.  Let’s talk with our dad… wife… sister… or friend… and tell them everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Don’t worry, they will love us because that is what love does. Love loves despite imperfection and regardless of failure.”

However, we all know that it is not that simple.

Being rejected by someone we trust is heart wrenching. These are the moments that we expected unconditional love, but we didn’t receive it. They told us they would never leave us... but they did. We opened up to them only to have them tell us that we weren’t worth loving.

 The times that we long to be chosen, but aren’t, can be some of the most powerful experiences in our lives.

I am convinced that our experiences with rejection greatly shape how we live. Rejection alters the way we see ourselves and our imperfections.

Rejection tries to define us as "unworthy to love" in our current condition.

If you struggle being honest about your internal struggles, start small. Find someone you trust and risk rejection. It is not necessary to tell everyone in your life every insecurity you have. Start by telling just one person and then see if you feel the need to talk to anyone else. Keeping it more private allows you to be able focus on healing and not on everyone’s differing perceptions and opinions.

If you have had repeated rejection by those who are close to you, I might recommend reaching out to a counselor to help you take wise & personalized steps as you open yourself back up to vulnerability.

Rejection sucks, but there is something that I believe sucks greater than rejection.

 Loneliness.

I have learned through the years that keeping up the appearance of perfection is quite exhausting and lonely. I fail to see the point in living a life that isn’t lived to the fullest, honestly and authentically. We either learn to let people into our vulnerable places, or we live a life of pretending to be something we aren't.

I want to be chosen, but I want to be chosen for who I really am.

I wish, with all of my heart and soul that I could tell you that you will be loved in this life no matter what, but I can’t. Unfortunately,  in this world, love is often very conditional. Things would be so much simpler if love never failed, but it often does fail, because love is only as foolproof as the people giving it… and people fail.

Rejection sucks, but experiencing unconditional love is more than worth the risk. Some of the most meaningful experiences of my life thus far are the moments that someone has chosen to love me in my imperfections and failure.

I will never forget the times that I have sat down, defeated, broken-hearted and ashamed, looked into the eyes across from me and heard the words,

“I love you still”.

 

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I Am Insecure: Part One {Find Your Person}

Most of us think of people as being secure or insecure. I don’t believe that some people are secure and some people are insecure. I believe that we are ALL, both, insecure and secure. It just depends on the moment.

I am insecure. I am unsure. I doubt who I am, what I do and what I say. I feel like I get it wrong too often. I fall short more than I would like.

I am insecure.

No, not at this moment. At this moment, I am fine. I am confident. At this moment, I am secure, but maybe not the next or the one after that.

Today, I want to tell you that it is ok to have areas within yourself that are insecure. We are not perfect and that’s ok. I am a work in progress and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

I don’t believe we should necessarily embrace our insecurities, and I don’t believe we should deny them either. I do believe we should accept them.

Only when we accept that we are a work in progress, will we begin to make progress.

For the next four weeks, I am going to challenge each one of us to look at ourselves and accept our insecurities. We will take risks and as we do, we will heal.

Week One

 “Find yOUR pERSON”

Our insecurities often keep us isolated.  We all have ugliness inside of us, and many of us spend our lives trying to hide it. Not because we are malicious or liars, but because we want to be loved.

Many of us fear that people will figure out that we have MAJOR shit and leave us, which is very scary.

How do we combat this fear? Simple. We tell people (not everyone, but “our people”) about our shit. You see, if we tell people about our shit, we don’t have to be scared that they will find out (because we have already told them).

Your challenge for this week is to find at least one person that you would be willing to share your “ugly” with. Over the next few weeks, you will be talking to this person about the things you are learning about yourself. This person will encourage you. They will not shame you for being a work in progress. (Don’t know what to say? No worries. Have them read this and then say, “Will you be my person?”)

This is a vital, most important, extremely essential step to growing in our security. As we discover things about ourselves, we will need support. Trust me.

You may have one person or maybe you have three. We are looking for quality, here, over quantity. This could be your mom, your boyfriend, your wife, your aunt, your dad, your husband, a sibling, your counselor or a friend.

Some of you instantly know who “your people” are, and for some of you this will be a challenge. Think it through, but I hope you can think of at least one person.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Do not choose someone just because they “should” be a safe place for you. Unfortunately, there are people that cannot be trusted with our insecurities. Who has shown that they are there for you? Think about it this way, if something horrible happened to you today, who would be the first person you would call? This will be someone who gives you comfort, peace and guidance.)

When we doubt who we are, we need someone there to remind us that we have great value, that even when we fail we are worthy of love. The people who love us can help guide us. They can show us love when we can’t show it to ourselves.

“Our people” are our team, our tribe, they are our warriors. They will fight with us, stand with us, lift us up and cheer us on. They will be with us and help us as we transform our “ugly” into beauty. They know we are awesome, believe in our potential and see that we are growing each day.

None of us want to fail, but we will. I know it sounds crazy, but I suggest that we invite “our people” into our failure. I am suggesting that we make ourselves vulnerable. It is scary to be vulnerable, but we must.

Let’s face our fears of rejection and failure and tell them they don’t control us. That’s right, over the next four weeks, we are going to face our fears, and all the while we are going to give our fears the middle finger. (Insert middle finger emoji.)

Let’s not live our life isolated merely because our fears intimidate us.  Let’s turn the tables, choose freedom and cause our fears to be intimidated by us.

Click here for week two of our challenge!

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