REDEMPTION UNVEILED
I Am Insecure: Part Four {Embracing Who I Am}
Through my life, I have had different seasons that I have struggled with who I am. I will never forget a few years into our marriage, I got into a funk...
Through my life, I have had different seasons that I have struggled with who I am. I will never forget a few years into our marriage, I got into a funk.
Carter and I were meeting monthly with a small group of married friends. It just so happened, that each of these couples was made up of quieter wives and more outspoken husbands.
I began to compare myself to the other women and I made the observation that I was much more outspoken than they were. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But, eventually, it started to really bother me. They seemed so sweet and beautifully humble.
A voice in my head began to tell me that they were “right” and I was “wrong”.
Not in our opinions, just in our existence.
This feeling continued to grow. I began to feel this way, not only when I was with this group, but all of the time. So, I decided within myself that I would change. I would learn to be someone else. I became determined to be more like them.
This was a really sad time of my life. I felt lonely. I felt like something was wrong with who I was. I felt ashamed. Everyone around me seemed to have it all together. Why couldn’t I be like them?
I tried my hardest to change who I was, but after several months of failing miserably, I came to the realization that I couldn’t be “them”.
During this period, I learned a very real truth.
Who I am is who I am.
I cannot learn to be someone else.
I can either be me, or I will become absolutely nobody at all.
I made a promise to myself that I would never do this again.
I will not live in shame for being who I am.
I believe the ultimate journey to security begins with embracing who we are, today. We must embrace our brokenness, embrace our personality, embrace our experiences, embrace our failures, and embrace our strengths.
We must embrace who we are.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in personal growth. I believe in learning from our life experiences and becoming the best “me” that I can be.
But “me” is all there is.
I am never going to wake up and be one of those amazingly sweet, quiet, meek women. It’s just not gonna happen!
BUT, I have learned how to celebrate “them” while still celebrating “me”. There is a need for all of us in the world.
The funny thing is that now I would never choose to be anyone else but me. I appreciate who I am. I am quirky and I am unique. I see the world like no one sees it and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I wouldn’t change any of my friends either. I absolutely love the differences that we all have. One of the greatest parts of living on this earth is experiencing all of our differences.
How boring would this life be if we were all the same?
Our differences are not something that should bring shame, but celebration.
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When Being Me Feels Like It's Not Enough
From early on in life, we are compared to one another. It is amazing how we naturally begin to measure our value by the people around us.
Growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of very successful people, some of which were my sisters. I have four sisters and two sister-in-laws. They are all gorgeous and extremely talented. Through the years, my sisters have accomplished many wonderful things that I have not...
From early on in life, we are compared to one another. It is amazing how we naturally begin to measure our value by the people around us.
Growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of very successful people, some of which were my sisters. I have four sisters and two sister-in-laws. They are all gorgeous and extremely talented. Through the years, my sisters have accomplished many wonderful things that I have not.
My older sister, Hannah, was very good at track in high school. She even medaled at state. Both she and my sister, Ivy, were the student body presidents. Ivy ran track in college. She achieved a 4.0 GPA all the way through graduating and is now finishing up her masters. Chloe played basketball, received the 1,000 career point’s award, and made the All-District team. She made All-District, All-Conference, and All-Region for volleyball, and received a scholarship to play in college. My brother’s wife, Sara, high-jumped and placed nationally on the collegiate level. Carter’s sister, Kristina, is a breathtaking dancer. She started dancing at the age of four, completed a degree in Dance Performance, and continues to teach and choreograph. My youngest sister, Haven, is on the Paralympic emerging swim team and hopes to attend the 2020 Paralympics in Tokyo.
Having a bunch of ridiculously talented sisters gave me a lot of opportunities to feel insecure. I had to choose how I was going to view their success.
Was I going to measure my value based on my performance compared to theirs?
Truth is, it is all too easy to try to prove our worth by achieving more; however, measuring ourselves by other people’s accomplishments is problematic. We were never meant to be measured by the bar of their potential. The potential inside of them is completely different than the potential inside of me. It’s not greater or less than, just different.
When we aren’t confident in who we are, it can suck to watch other people succeed. It can make us feel ashamed and like we have failed to measure up. We may appear confident, but we are actually struggling with our value internally.
I decided to embrace the fact that my life was going to look different than all of my sisters. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have accomplished all the things they did because I realized that I wasn’t capable of doing what they could. I cannot do what everyone else can. I just can’t. I can do some things really well, but I suck at a whole lot of other things, and that’s ok.
Turns out I can’t be anyone else but me. But, I can be me pretty damn well.
We all have to make a choice in our lives to embrace who we are and what we have. We can spend our lives trying to prove to the world that we are just as good as everyone else, but any moment spent trying to prove our value is a moment wasted. If we are trying to prove our value, that means we, ourselves, don’t know our worth.
Our value doesn’t need to be proven, it just needs to be discovered.
It is ok if you have failed to accomplish the same things as those around you. It’s not just ok, it’s expected. You are you and they are them. Let’s realize the beauty of that. Our differences should not bring shame, but pride. It isn’t in the things we all have in common, but our uniqueness, that will bring change to this world.
If we cannot learn the beauty of our differences, we will spend our life trying to be something we aren’t. Let’s be determined to embrace ourselves, quirkiness and all.
