Beauty from Ashes- A Redemption Story

This is a post that I wrote in 2016 after our house caught on fire. It is a beautiful thing to look back and see what God did through all of this horrible experience.

“Well… our house is on fire.”

Carter isn’t one for jokes and the statement seemed surprisingly calm. Too calm.

I heard him clearly, but still felt puzzled. Instinctively I replied,

“What? What did you say?”

 “Our house is on fire.”

Again calm, but a bit shakier. He didn’t have to explain. Somewhere in my gut I just knew… it was serious.

“Did you call 911?”

“Yes.” He stated.

“I’m coming.”

I was in my brother’s bathroom trying on some jeans at a rummage sale. It had been an uneventful day… until now. I ran outside and told my brother “I need you to drive me home. Now. Our house is on fire.”

It took me less than a minute to be on my way.  As we drove on the back country road I saw the fire trucks a couple of miles behind. It was then that I realized we would beat them to our house. I couldn’t help but wonder what I was going to see when I arrived.

My thoughts were interrupted by my brother’s statement,

“Oh shit.”

I looked up and saw it…

The smoke.

It was a lot of smoke.

I had seen this sight a hundred times before, a pillar of smoke in the distance. I can never help but wonder what is causing it. I didn’t wonder this time.

I knew.

This was my house.

This was the house that we bought only five months ago.

This was the house that I had spent every weekend and many weeknights of the past 20 weeks working on. This was the house that we had just painted… and trimmed… and replaced doors… countertops… fans… lighting… and flooring. I had finally chosen my curtains and bedding and was finalizing room décor. This was our fixer-upper… that we were almost done with.

As soon as I saw the smoke, I put my face in my hands and began to sob.

How can this be happening?

This can’t be happening.

But it was.

As we arrived at our home I saw my husband and three sweet babies in our front yard watching our house burn. The flames were pouring out of our children’s playroom.  

As my brother pulled into our front yard, I opened my door and had my foot on the ground before the truck had even stopped.

My babies. I needed to hold my babies.

I ran up to them, hugged them, and thanked God for their safety.

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The firefighters pulled in and we said a quick prayer for them as they began to work. We watched as they quickly got the flames under control and made sure the fire was extinguished. It all happened so fast and quickly it was over.

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The fire was out.

I had never been in a house that had been on fire before. From the outside, I thought the loss would be isolated to one room... but I was wrong. I have heard the term “smoke damage”, but could not have imagined the extent of destruction it caused so quickly.

Our house was destroyed.

As I walked through the house, I couldn’t even process what I saw. There is no way this could be my house. My house was filled with natural light, light-colored walls, and white trim.

It was like I had walked into a nightmare version of my home.

Our normally bright house was a pit of darkness. Even with a flashlight, I could hardly see. The air burned my throat and I had to leave after only a few minutes inside.

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We all stood around for a bit and talked about how thankful we were that everyone was safe and how we all knew everything would work out.

Then one by one everyone said their goodbyes and wished us the best.

Carter and I didn’t know what to do.

What are you supposed to do?

So we just sat in our front yard on a stump, baffled, at what had just happened.

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What had just happened?

This fire had just demolished the last five months of our lives. And we weren’t just starting over, we were starting farther back than ever before.  

How did we get here? We have never been those people that wanted a “fixer-upper”; in fact, because of our lack of skills we tried to avoid it. But after two years of looking, we decided this house had the greatest potential to give us what we dreamed of.

We bought our house hoping we could handle the adventure of a remodel. We had almost done it. It was far from perfect, but we were proud of it. We were proud of it because we had put so much time and effort into it. Of course we still had a ton of projects to do, but we had our final *big* project scheduled for the following week.

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We have never worked so hard on anything.

All of our hard work was wiped away in about 20 minutes. 

...

The next morning, I was lying in bed and a scripture I grew up hearing came to my mind.

“To give them beauty for ashes…”

I have always loved the sound of these words. Very poetic and they paint a beautiful picture of the redemptive process. It got me thinking… redemption is beautiful, but to be truthful, the process of bringing beauty out of ashes is not easy.

 I find myself today with a giant opportunity, I get to bring beauty from ashes… literally.

This process will not just happen. It will cost me. I have had, and will continue to have, many opportunities to not bring beauty from this situation.

I can choose not to make the most of it.

But I won’t.

I will not allow this situation to steal any more from me than it already has

I am headed to Redemption.

I do not worry about the destination, but the journey overwhelms me at times. I know how costly it is to go on this journey. It is not fun, but it is worth it. Even though I would not have chosen this. I can do this.

I will do this.

I will release my expectations.

I will stand on my faith.

I will hold on to my hope.

And I will choose to love.

And then I will wait. I will wait and watch it all unfold.

Beauty is coming.

Just wait and see.

Do you know of anyone who is also in an overwhelming time of their life? Forward this to them and let us make beauty together!

Thriving Through Difficulty

I used to spend my life trying to stay on top of my problems. I used to try to avoid pain and difficulty. I used to find myself striving for perfection. Striving for happiness. No longer. I have now realized that this life is not about striving for perfection either within me or within my circumstances.

I believe that so many of us are missing our full potential of this life because our goal is to “be happy and avoid pain”. The problem with avoiding pain is that there are parts of the healing process that feel painful. Growing and learning will never be easy. If we try to avoid pain, we will deny ourselves the opportunity to truly heal.

Our problems aren’t the problem. Our problem is that we allow our problems to dictate our happiness. If our contentment is based on our circumstances, our contentment will always be at risk of being taken.

Our circumstances should not be given the power to take our peace.

We must not view our circumstances as the problem. We can easily spend days, weeks, months and years of our life striving to rid ourselves of problems. The issue with living like this is that no matter how hard we try, there will always be another problem at our door. Always.

We must stop viewing our difficulties as our enemy.

Our difficulties are not what keeps us stuck, our inability to grow is.

We must begin to understand that healing in this life will come at a cost. It will cost us something to grow. It will cost us to let go of our expectations and choose to enjoy the life we do have.

There is such beauty in difficulty. Our difficulty gives us the opportunity to heal. Our difficulty gives us an opportunity to choose beauty even when we don’t see it.

Our challenges give us the opportunity to choose grace.

Our fears gives us the opportunity to choose faith.

Our discouragement gives us the opportunity to choose hope.

When we struggle we are given the opportunity to choose things that we don’t feel. We cannot underestimate the value of this experience. In a world that says we should never deny our feelings, it is a very powerful moment when we realize the best thing we can do at times is to deny our emotions.

We must go on the journey to find peace. A peace that passes understanding and is not blown to and fro by every wind. We must become strong and find a firm place to stand. We must not allow ourselves to be controlled by our outward circumstances, but our inward strength.

We must find a way to soar above the storm. We must find a way to thrive during difficulty. We must. Our life depends on it.

Finding peace is what this life is about. If you haven’t found it…

keep searching.

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Beauty from Ashes

“Well… our house is on fire.”

Carter isn’t one for jokes and the statement seemed surprisingly calm. Too calm.

I heard him clearly, but still felt puzzled. Instinctively I replied,

“What? What did you say?”

 “Our house is on fire.”

Again calm, but a bit shakier. He didn’t have to explain. Somewhere in my gut I just knew… it was serious.

“Did you call 911?”

“Yes.” He stated.

“I’m coming.”

I was in my brothers’ bathroom trying on some jeans at a rummage sale. It had been an uneventful day… until now.

I ran outside and told my brother “I need you to drive me home. Now. Our house is on fire.”

It took me less than a minute to be on my way.  As we drove on the back country road I saw the fire trucks a couple of miles behind. It was then that I realized we would beat them to our house. I couldn’t help but wonder what I was going to see when I arrived.

My thoughts were interrupted by my brother’s statement,

“Oh shit.”

I looked up and saw it…

The smoke.

It was a lot of smoke.

I had seen this sight a hundred times before, a pillar of smoke in the distance. I can never help but wonder what is causing it. I didn’t wonder this time.

I knew.

This was my house.

This was the house that we bought only five months ago.

This was the house that I had spent every weekend and many weeknights of the past 20 weeks working on. This was the house that we had just painted… and trimmed… and replaced doors… countertops… fans… lighting… and flooring. I had finally chosen my curtains and bedding and was finalizing room décor. This was our fixer upper… that we were almost done with.

As soon as I saw the smoke, I put my face in my hands and began to sob.

How can this be happening?

This can’t be happening.

But it was.

As we arrived to our home I saw my husband and three sweet babies in our front yard watching our house burn. The flames were pouring out of our children’s play room.  

As my brother pulled into our front yard, I opened my door and had my foot to the ground before the truck had even stopped.

My babies. I needed to hold my babies.

I ran up to them, hugged them and thanked God for their safety.

View fullsize

The firefighters pulled in and we said a quick prayer for them as they began to work. We watched as they quickly got the flames under control and made sure the fire was extinguished. It all happened so fast and quickly it was over.

View fullsize

The fire was out.

I had never been in a house that had been on fire before. From the outside, I thought the loss would be isolated to one room... but I was wrong. I have heard the term “smoke damage”, but could not have imagined the extent of destruction it caused so quickly.

Our house was destroyed.

As I walked through the house, I couldn’t even process what I saw. There is no way this could be my house. My house was filled with natural light, light colored walls and white trim.

It was like I had walked into a nightmare version of my home.

Our normally bright house was a pit of darkness. Even with a flashlight I could hardly see. The air burned my throat and I had to leave after only a few minutes inside.

View fullsize

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We all stood around for a bit and talked about how thankful we were that everyone was safe and how we all knew everything would work out.

Then one by one everyone said their goodbye’s and wished us the best.

Carter and I didn’t know what to do.

What are you supposed to do?

So we just sat in our front yard on a stump, baffled, at what had just happened.

View fullsize

What had just happened?

This fire had just demolished the last five months of our lives. And we weren’t just starting over, we were starting farther back than ever before.  

How did we get here? We have never been those people that wanted a “fixer upper”; in fact, because of our lack of skills we tried to avoid it. But after two years of looking we decided this house had the greatest potential to give us what we dreamed of.

We bought our house hoping we could handle the adventure of a remodel. We had almost done it. It was far from perfect, but we were proud of it. We were proud of it because we had put so much time and effort into it. Of course we still had a ton of projects to do, but we had our final *big* project scheduled for the following week.

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

 

We have never worked so hard on anything.

All of our hard work, wiped away in about 20 minutes. 

...

The next morning, I was lying in bed and a scripture I grew up hearing came to my mind.

“To give them beauty for ashes…”

I have always loved the sound of these words. Very poetic and they paint a beautiful picture of the redemptive process. It got me thinking… redemption is beautiful, but to be truthful, the process to bring beauty out of ashes is not easy.

 I find myself today with a giant opportunity, I get to bring beauty from ashes… literally.

This process will not just happen. It will cost me. I have had, and will continue to have, many opportunities to not bring beauty from this situation.

I can choose not to make the most of it.

But I won’t.

I will not allow this situation to steal any more from me than it already has

I am headed to Redemption.

I do not worry about the destination, but the journey overwhelms me at times. I know how costly it is to go on this journey. It is not fun, but it is worth it. Even though I would not have chosen this. I can do this.

I will do this.

I will release my expectations.

I will stand on my faith.

I will hold on to my hope.

And I will choose to love.

And then I will wait. I will wait and watch it all unfold.

Beauty is coming.

Just wait and see.

Do you know of anyone who is also in an overwhelming time of their life? Forward this to them and let us make beauty together!

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A Letter to the Broken-hearted

You find yourself today in a place that you never thought you would be. You never saw it coming. You weren’t prepared for this. Sure, you knew this life would have its challenges, but you never imagined it would look like this or feel like this.

You have discovered a whole new layer of pain that you didn’t know existed… and you wish you could go back. You didn’t ask for this and it has changed you in a way that you never wanted.

I know you are overwhelmed with your feelings. You feel like an empty shell and can hardly imagine your life before… without the pain. No matter how much sleep you have, it never seems to be enough. Exhausted would be an understatement.

I know you don’t want to be here, but here you are.

I am sorry.

Maybe no one knows what you’ve been through… or maybe everyone knows. It matters not. No one can fully understand. No one can feel what you feel.

Even in a crowd, loneliness seems to be all around you.

You feel alone because in many ways you are. Not that you don’t have people who will support you, you do. But words can’t possibly define the pain you feel… and only you have walked the journey to where you are today.

I wish that all the pain would just *magically* disappear, but it won’t.

And for that I am sorry.

Going back to who you were before is impossible because you are not the same person. The person you once were, no longer exists. You have been permanently changed through this painful experience and it is scary… and confusing… and overwhelming.

Now I want to tell you something that is very important…

 It matters.

It matters that you are here. It matters where you have been. It matters where you are going.

Your pain matters.

You matter.

The road before you looks long and hard because it is. There are many obstacles ahead that will be difficult to get through.  The journey ahead is long, yes. The journey ahead is hard, yes. But the journey ahead of you is worth it.

You are worth it.

You didn’t choose this, but you have choices now. You get to choose what your future holds. You can’t change your past, but you can define it. You can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and begin to walk again. Begin to move forward.

Please, choose to heal. Choose to hope. Choose to love.

Don’t allow yourself to give up. You are too valuable to this world. This world needs you.

This world needs you to hope.

This world needs you to heal.

This world needs you to live.

I beg you with everything that I have, fight for your healing. Don’t stop until you can stand tall once again. Don’t stop until you have your peace. Reach out to those who can help you heal. Be wise in how you spend the small amount of energy you have. Take the time that you need to rest, but don’t allow yourself to quit.

And if you choose the path to heal, there will be a surprise for you at the end of it…

The path before you leads to beauty.

It may take weeks, months or years, but beauty is ahead of you.

A person who has been healed of a broken heart is an extremely beautiful soul.

It is a soul filled with strength, courage and compassion. A soul that has known the darkness, but chose the light. It is a soul that has experienced the risk of vulnerability, but chooses it still.

If you choose, there is beauty ahead of you. A beauty that is more real and tangible than anything you have experienced in your life thus far.

I beg you… don’t let yourself die with a broken heart.

For a broken heart that is left unhealed will become a bitter heart, but a broken heart that is given the opportunity to heal will become the most beautiful of hearts. I promise.

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I Am Insecure: Part One {Find Your Person}

Most of us think of people as being secure or insecure. I don’t believe that some people are secure and some people are insecure. I believe that we are ALL, both, insecure and secure. It just depends on the moment.

I am insecure. I am unsure. I doubt who I am, what I do and what I say. I feel like I get it wrong too often. I fall short more than I would like.

I am insecure.

No, not at this moment. At this moment, I am fine. I am confident. At this moment, I am secure, but maybe not the next or the one after that.

Today, I want to tell you that it is ok to have areas within yourself that are insecure. We are not perfect and that’s ok. I am a work in progress and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

I don’t believe we should necessarily embrace our insecurities, and I don’t believe we should deny them either. I do believe we should accept them.

Only when we accept that we are a work in progress, will we begin to make progress.

For the next four weeks, I am going to challenge each one of us to look at ourselves and accept our insecurities. We will take risks and as we do, we will heal.

Week One

 “Find yOUR pERSON”

Our insecurities often keep us isolated.  We all have ugliness inside of us, and many of us spend our lives trying to hide it. Not because we are malicious or liars, but because we want to be loved.

Many of us fear that people will figure out that we have MAJOR shit and leave us, which is very scary.

How do we combat this fear? Simple. We tell people (not everyone, but “our people”) about our shit. You see, if we tell people about our shit, we don’t have to be scared that they will find out (because we have already told them).

Your challenge for this week is to find at least one person that you would be willing to share your “ugly” with. Over the next few weeks, you will be talking to this person about the things you are learning about yourself. This person will encourage you. They will not shame you for being a work in progress. (Don’t know what to say? No worries. Have them read this and then say, “Will you be my person?”)

This is a vital, most important, extremely essential step to growing in our security. As we discover things about ourselves, we will need support. Trust me.

You may have one person or maybe you have three. We are looking for quality, here, over quantity. This could be your mom, your boyfriend, your wife, your aunt, your dad, your husband, a sibling, your counselor or a friend.

Some of you instantly know who “your people” are, and for some of you this will be a challenge. Think it through, but I hope you can think of at least one person.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Do not choose someone just because they “should” be a safe place for you. Unfortunately, there are people that cannot be trusted with our insecurities. Who has shown that they are there for you? Think about it this way, if something horrible happened to you today, who would be the first person you would call? This will be someone who gives you comfort, peace and guidance.)

When we doubt who we are, we need someone there to remind us that we have great value, that even when we fail we are worthy of love. The people who love us can help guide us. They can show us love when we can’t show it to ourselves.

“Our people” are our team, our tribe, they are our warriors. They will fight with us, stand with us, lift us up and cheer us on. They will be with us and help us as we transform our “ugly” into beauty. They know we are awesome, believe in our potential and see that we are growing each day.

None of us want to fail, but we will. I know it sounds crazy, but I suggest that we invite “our people” into our failure. I am suggesting that we make ourselves vulnerable. It is scary to be vulnerable, but we must.

Let’s face our fears of rejection and failure and tell them they don’t control us. That’s right, over the next four weeks, we are going to face our fears, and all the while we are going to give our fears the middle finger. (Insert middle finger emoji.)

Let’s not live our life isolated merely because our fears intimidate us.  Let’s turn the tables, choose freedom and cause our fears to be intimidated by us.

Click here for week two of our challenge!

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