My Kids Don't Need a Perfect Mom

There I was, driving in my car, completely overwhelmed with mom guilt. I hadn’t handled everything perfectly and I felt bad.

I should have done it better. I should have been better.

I felt I should be a better mom and I began to devise a plan to never fail… ever again.

Because that’s what a good mom does, right?

Of all the things to be a failure at, we don’t want to fail at raising other human beings.

Motherhood is this big giant thing that none of us want to get wrong. There is so much that we handle, dinners, dressing our kids, school parties and activities, watching over their health, social interactions, friendship struggles, all the while trying to be sure we are raising kind, respectful, fun to be around human beings.

It’s kind of a lot of pressure.

And moms carry a lot of the load.

Sometimes as a mom it can all feel so heavy.

It is a huge undertaking to raise little humans. One big task that is built of a hundred small tasks in a day. We can easily begin to believe each of these small tasks is the breaking point to whether our children will succeed or not.

It can begin to feel like it all depends on us doing it right.

As I drove in the car that day, I had a realization. I was making a mistake, but not the one I thought I had made.

I was holding myself to an impossible standard.

Perfection.

Instead of allowing myself to be human, and simply give myself grace for the small failure. I was being too hard on myself.

As I thought about it, I realized this was a major problem.

First of all, I’m not perfect and never will be, so attempting to achieve perfection was always going to leave us all disappointed.

Second of all, even if I were, can you imagine how horrible that would be for my children?

I mean, really.

Can you imagine growing up and have a perfect person be your role model? As if, my children need an impossible bar they will never be able to reach?

My children don’t need me to be perfect. In fact, that’s the last thing they need.

They need me to fail, so they can see how I get back up. They need to see me get it wrong. They need to see me overreact, underreact, and react just right.

They don’t need me to be perfect. They need me to teach them how to be imperfect.

They need me to teach them how messy and imperfect life can be because that is the life they will have to face for themselves one day.

I do not want to raise my children in a bubble of perfection. Where nothing is ever out of place, ever forgotten, or ever mishandled.

I want to teach them about real life and lots of things to go imperfectly in life.

They don't needle to be a perfect mom. They need me to be the imperfect mom who falls on her face, owns it, gets back up, and tries again. All while giving myself grace and encouraging my kids to do the same.

What if failing is not the worst thing I could ever do as a mom, but one of the best?

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The Place Where Healing Resides

Healing has been a theme of my life for many years now. I have learned so much about the process and the journey it truly takes to experience freedom in our life.

I am now convinced we miss out on so many moments to heal because we don't understand the cost and uncomfortable experience healing entails.

We have embraced the lie that healing looks like reading a good book or making a new habit.

That's not true. Those things are great and they can certainly lead to growth, but healing itself consists of facing our brokenness and finding the courage to own it as our responsibility.

Healing occurs when we start recognizing and owning our imperfections.

It involves us going into the darkest parts of ourselves with a small light and seeking answers to why we react the way we do, why we feel what we feel, and believe what we believe. It means no longer taking the “free pass” of blaming our frustrations, anger, bitterness, fear, and other emotions on everyone else.

As much as I hate to say this, the key to our healing is actually found in our failures, brokenness, and shortcomings. Which, unfortunately, most of us spend our lives trying to avoid.

We believe it is important not to make mistakes, so we spend more time trying to prove we don’t make them at all than learning why we do.

We all fall short. We all fail. We all get it wrong sometimes.

All of us.

Don't avoid your failure. Face it. Seek to understand who you are... Really.

And when you do find yourself in a situation of failure try this instead...

Let it Simmer.

Accept the failure.

Do not run from it. Don't act on your emotions. Do not pretend it isn't happening.

Be still.

See it. Own it.

Acknowledge your vulnerability. Share your failure with someone in your life.

Choose to find worth in yourself even though you failed, not despite it.

Embrace the process.

Choose to trust.

Seek truth, not validation. Seek to understand why you did what you did and why it seemed like the best choice at the time.

This is not about proving you didn't fail. This is about understanding why you did and understanding that it’s ok.

You are not perfect and you will never be.

Rest in grace.

This experience feels bad, but it is not bad. It is uncomfortable and necessary.

This is the place healing resides.

This is where you find redemption.

Don't run from this. Rest in it.

It is not bad to fail. It is not a bad thing to be vulnerable. This, in fact, is the very thing that makes you human.

Your redemption is not found in your perfection, but in how you handle your imperfection.

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