Am I Enough?
How many times in life have I felt like I wasn’t enough?
A lot.
I have often encountered feelings of inadequacies. Whether it was work, friendships, marriage, mothering, house tasks, or any other thing I have done in my life. I have fallen short. It’s easy to wonder if I am enough.
Am I a good enough mom?
Am I a good enough wife?
Am I good enough to write this?
Simply, Am I good enough?
Through the years, I have learned these fears must be addressed. When I hear the taunts, “You are not enough” or “You should be more than you are”. I now have an answer…
”You’re right.
I am not enough.”
(Didn’t see that coming, did ya?)
Truth is, I used to hate when I thought I had failed because I knew the answer, I had. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to be a failure, so I would try to justify it, blame someone, or avoid it altogether.
Now I know, I must make room for failure in my life. Failure is a part of me. Inadequacy is a part of me. I am unable to be perfect at all times because I am far from it.
I seem to pendulum between a confident capable person and an INCOMPETENT idiot.
I had to stop and accept the truth, sometimes, I wasn’t enough. Sometimes, I would be the major screw up I feared that I was. Sometimes, I would screw up at work. Sometimes, I would fail at motherhood. Sometimes, I would suck at being a wife. Sometimes, I would be a bad friend.
I had been expecting myself to be some kind of robot that would perform at peak performance at all times. Constantly, knowing the expectations of every human being around me. Never letting anyone down, including myself.
I had to stop expecting perfection from myself and I had to accept others would not always approve of me.
This was WAY harder than it sounds for me to learn. I experienced a lot of anxiety as I accepted my life as a failure but I’m so glad I continued to learn the truth.