I Am Insecure: Part Four {Embracing Who I Am}

Through my life, I have had different seasons that I have struggled with who I am. I will never forget a few years into our marriage, I got into a funk.

Carter and I were meeting monthly with a small group of married friends. It just so happened, that each of these couples was made up of quieter wives and more outspoken husbands.

I began to compare myself to the other women and I made the observation that I was much more outspoken than they were. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But, eventually, it started to really bother me. They seemed so sweet and beautifully humble.

A voice in my head began to tell me that they were “right” and I was “wrong”.

Not in our opinions, just in our existence.

This feeling continued to grow. I began to feel this way, not only when I was with this group, but all of the time. So, I decided within myself that I would change. I would learn to be someone else. I became determined to be more like them.

This was a really sad time of my life. I felt lonely. I felt like something was wrong with who I was. I felt ashamed.  Everyone around me seemed to have it all together. Why couldn’t I be like them?

I tried my hardest to change who I was, but after several months of failing miserably, I came to the realization that I couldn’t be “them”.

During this period, I learned a very real truth.

Who I am is who I am.

I cannot learn to be someone else.

I can either be me, or I will become absolutely nobody at all.

I made a promise to myself that I would never do this again.

I will not live in shame for being who I am.

I believe the ultimate journey to security begins with embracing who we are, today. We must embrace our brokenness, embrace our personality, embrace our experiences, embrace our failures, and embrace our strengths.

We must embrace who we are.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in personal growth. I believe in learning from our life experiences and becoming the best “me” that I can be.

But “me” is all there is.

I am never going to wake up and be one of those amazingly sweet, quiet, meek women. It’s just not gonna happen!

BUT, I have learned how to celebrate “them” while still celebrating “me”. There is a need for all of us in the world.

The funny thing is that now I would never choose to be anyone else but me. I appreciate who I am. I am quirky and I am unique. I see the world like no one sees it and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

I wouldn’t change any of my friends either. I absolutely love the differences that we all have. One of the greatest parts of living on this earth is experiencing all of our differences.

How boring would this life be if we were all the same?

Our differences are not something that should bring shame, but celebration.

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